Blog posts

Conspiracy Theorists

Conspiracy Theorists Aren’t Really Skeptics:

Conspiracy believers are the ultimate motivated skeptics. Their curse is that they apply this selective scrutiny not to the left or right, but to the mainstream. They tell themselves that they’re the ones who see the lies, and the rest of us are sheep. But believing that everybody’s lying is just another kind of gullibility.

NCAA Picks 2017

Alright people, I don't think I should keep you from riches. As I said, if you win, donate at least 25% of your winnings to an organization that will help immigrants or help advocate against the Republican health care plan

San Francisco

There are two options I see that we can implement to make living in SF attainable for the common person:

1. Demolish all residential buildings fewer than 100 stories tall and replace them with 100 story buildings. SF is nowhere to be seen on the list of the world's most densely populated cities. That has to change.

Or

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Introducing Bureaucracy Into Marriage

I have come up with an idea that will revolutionize marriage and all other romantic or cohabitation based relationships.

If one partner makes a special request of the other, they should utilize a workflow system that requires the submission of a “ticket” or work request. The system would help ensure that everyone is on the same page as far as what needs to be done and there would be estimated time frames for the completion of each task.

How Squints From "The Sandlot" Caused The Dumbening Of America

I have determined that the dumbening of America can be directly attributed to the movie “The Sandlot”.

In the movie, there is a scene where a nerd named Squints fakes drowning. When hot lifeguard Wendy Peffercorn begins performing CPR on Squints, he unexpectedly kisses her. She is horrified and kicks Squints and his friends out of the pool.

After the movie was released, all the hot lifeguards said, “That’s not going to be me!” So, in an effort to avoid being “Sandlotted”, the hot lifeguards let drowning nerds die instead of attempting mouth to mouth.

The Nighttime Daycare

This is the year I open a nighttime childcare service specifically targeted to irresponsible parents. It’ll be cash up front and every parent will get a guide to all the ladies’ nights in town. Unclaimed children will be sold to Chinese couples who want designer kids. Win win win.

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