New business idea: Create NFT's of famous legal cases and sell them to gullible law professors and students. All you need to do is say that everyone at Harvard is buying them.


Time to give it up

I'm going to stop voting when I'm 65. The roommate who's moving out shouldn't have a say in choosing the living room furniture.

Katy Perry

Pop Conspiracy Theory: After she stops being relevant in pop culture, Katy Perry will go back to being a Christian and make money telling everyone about Hollywood's inside secrets.

Real protection

I'm going to acquire a taxidermied white man to help me avoid unwanted interactions with the police.


Introducing Bureaucracy Into Marriage

I have come up with an idea that will revolutionize marriage and all other romantic or cohabitation based relationships.

If one partner makes a special request of the other, they should utilize a workflow system that requires the submission of a “ticket” or work request. The system would help ensure that everyone is on the same page as far as what needs to be done and there would be estimated time frames for the completion of each task.

There would of course be a system to expedite urgent requests which would involve payment (the particular currency or set of sexual favors would be dictated by the scope and time for task completion). This market based solution will deter tasks merely masquerading as urgent from being treated as such.

Failure to complete tickets on time would lead to escalating penalties for the offending party, like having to go furniture shopping or being forced to watch football for nine hours every Sunday. I am confident that given a chance, this type of system could lead to a lot less friction between people living together and/or involved romantically. It’s a win-win-win-win. The extra two wins are for your families and the world, who will be happier as a result of less fighting and tension.



The Nighttime Daycare

This is the year I open a nighttime childcare service specifically targeted to irresponsible parents.

It’ll be cash up front and every parent will get a guide to all the ladies’ nights in town.

Unclaimed children will be sold to Chinese couples who want designer kids. Win win win.


Advances In Laziness, Vol.1

About a month ago, I was sitting at lunch with some friends at work. I asked if they knew of any kind of disposable item that I could place on the kitchen counter while my wife cooks, leaving the kitchen counter clean afterwards. I was told that there was no way this existed and to just clean the counters right after the cooking is done. They underestimated my dedication to laziness and my ability to find new uses for existing items.

About a week ago, I was hanging around at another friend’s cube and she mentioned that she needed to pick up some carpet runner at the hardware store after work. I inquired further and when I saw the picture, the wheels started turning. This was a spool of plastic material that could easily be cut to size.

I headed to the hardware store this past weekend and asked if they had any carpet runner. The stuff they had was too heavy duty. The salesman asked me what I was going to use it for. After I explained it to him, this hero said, “Oh. You want plastic sheeting.”

Yesterday morning, I unrolled the sheeting on to the kitchen counter and cut it to the length I needed. Last night, my wife cooked and all the debris safely landed on my new counter cover.

Magnum Reboot

I'm writing a reboot of Magnum P.I. where Magnum moves to the UK and serves in the House of Commons. It's going to be called Magnum PI, MP.


Detroit dreams

I want to buy $1 houses in Detroit and become a land baron. My property would be guarded by a team of street urchins. My wife refuses to let me put my plan into action.


Dog with a Blog alternatives

Following in the footsteps of "Dog With A Blog", I'm pitching a show to Disney called "Hog in the Smog" about a talking pig living in LA.

"A Log in the Bog": NatGeo show about a branch from a tree that fell without anyone hearing it make a sound.

"A Cog in the Fog": A gritty show on FX about a cubicle worker in SF.

"Wog and the Dog": A BBC America show about a Pakistani in England who adopts a rescue.

"A Dog and A Jog": Discovery Health show about aerobic exercise with your pets.

A Frog on the Grog: Cartoon Network Adult Swim show about an alcoholic frog.

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