The Vault

Weddings Are Terrible, Pt. 1

Bigger cash gift = better dinner?

What is it about weddings that make people think that insane stuff like this is OK?

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The Agony

I was talking to someone today about analyzing projects that have gone wrong at work. I said, "I love digging through projects and finding out what happened. It's like a puzzle. But the answer inevitably infuriates me. So I am left with a conundrum: the thing that I love the most also brings me the greatest sadness."

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Very interesting analysis of the different political spectrums

Mint Mobile's Bobby Bonilla Day commercial

To be fair, the deferment made sense if you take time value of money into account. The Wilpons were just stupid enough to invest the savings with Bernie Madoff.

Big Brother 2021

On this season's beach vacation meets Vegas theme: I hope they play actual casino games and not just do lame stuff like "You have to get drinks to OTEV at the craps table!" 

LawCoin

New business idea: Create NFT's of famous legal cases and sell them to gullible law professors and students. All you need to do is say that everyone at Harvard is buying them.

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Luka Doncic Sings Serbian Folk Song

Having their hands up while singing is the icing on the cake.

San Jose Sharks Celebrate Juneteenth

Someone actually thought this was a great idea. frown

Murder tigers

Houston tiger is being secretly passed around safe houses, police believe

I am holding on to a conspiracy theory that this dude fed his victims to the tiger. It's a murder tiger!!! The dude isn't revealing the whereabouts of the tiger. It's because the tiger is still digesting the latest murders!!

My heritage, pt. 4

My great uncle Mohammad O'Halloran had a stop in Brussels when he was going from India to Ireland. He managed, in the span of 24.5 minutes, to father a boy named Pieter van der Ahmaad. I must travel to Belgium and reclaim my birthright.

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The Booby Trap

Kevin Porter Jr. reportedly tried to protect Sterling Brown from assault

A member of the Houston Rockets was injured in an incident outside a strip club called The Booby Trap. Few names are so apt for a business.

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How to know what to read next

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Donut Boy

Muneer: Can I call the police donut boy, or is that like the N-word now?

Steve: Short answer to both questions: yes.

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Got my Pfizer, son

I just got the Pfizer vaccine. If you're "vaccine-hesitant", stop being stupid and schedule an appointment when it's available.

BBQ business idea

Muneer: Steve and I have decided to embark upon a new business venture that we just realized has been approved by God. We are going to tailgate Covid vaccine lines and sell tasty ribs, sausages and hot links to the unwashed masses. The name of our business will be a combo of our names: Steer. God gave us both the perfect names to combine into a name for a predatory BBQ business.

Wife: Who’s doing the cooking?

Muneer: We're looking into the exciting world of undocumented labor to procure our pitmaster

Steve: It's nice to finally have a purpose in life. I've coasted aimlessly for so long

Muneer: Me too, brother. Me too.

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Get them ribs right

I appreciate this man's dedication to late barbequeing.

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Boomers and Masks

We are a nation of toddlers. If people would just wear masks, we’d all be able to go out and do things.

At the grocery store yesterday, I saw a 50ish woman walking from aisle with her mask pulled down. She would only pull it up when it was obvious the person she was passing by disapproved of her. I gave her the Mitt Romney glare when he was Josh Hawley while Hawley was objecting to the votes.

Most of the people I see out and about not wearing masks and being almost militant about it are white boomers. I think we all knew boomers are not team players. They’re a big reason we’re in this mess.

Lauren Boebert

Lauren Boebert is female white privilege in sentient form.

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Black faced sheep

This sheep, the Scottish blackface, is the only socially acceptable blackface.

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NCAA's Priorities

Jordan McNair got paid more for dying as a college football player than he would have if he'd lived. It's time to reform the NCAA system.

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Shkreli

Thoughts on Trump

4 years ago, I woke up at 6am and navigated to Google. Seeing the words "Donald Trump has been elected the 45th President of the United States" made my heart jump and sent me into a stupor.

America had just repudiated me and others like me. America said that they believed lies and fear mongering over facts. That day, America became just a country; it was no longer the shining beacon that immigrants strive to go to.

Over the last 4 years, I have seen things I never thought would happen:

  • A "friend" shouted "Build the Wall" at the end of the national anthem at a Royals game while sitting next to me.
  • I grew to distrust everyone around me. What if they're part of the Trump brigade that would rather that I not be in this country anymore? I found myself wondering "Is he/she a Trump voter?"
  • This country had a leader who didn't care about the people, even during the worst pandemic in 100 years.

It'll take a while for my faith in this country to be restored. But, a shred of it is still there. I want to see us move forward from this, the most shameful period of our modern history. I want people to get along and not be divided by fear and racism.

America is bruised and bloody from the last 4 years. We had a group of people in power who did their best to destroy the country. Now it's time to help America heal.

Differences

If Ronald Reagan was Mario, Trump is Wario.

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Tofu

Muneer: I knew a dude in college who used to eat tofu submerged in maple syrup for breakfast.
Lisette: I assume that man is in prison today.
Muneer: He cut me out of his life in 2008.
Lisette:: You mean he liberated you from his life in 2008.

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Human impersonator Stephen Miller

Muneer: Noted human impersonator Stephen Miller has Covid now too.
Lisette: Lol saw that
Muneer: Now we just need Wilbur Ross and Scott Pruitt to get it.
Steve: My thoughts are with COVID in this trying time. Guess this means the virus can be transmitted from humans back to bats.

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King Ralph in real life

Muneer: I just want the Supreme Court nomination ceremony to end up being like the opening scene in King Ralph.
Steve: That takes me back.
Muneer: Instead of it all happening at once, it can happen over a few weeks or months.
Muneer: But at the end of the day, a Canadian named Gordie Ashton will be named president.
Muneer: He will bring moose and Tim Hortons along with social programs.
Lisette: Haaa.
Steve: I, for one, welcome our Canadian overlords.
Muneer: Brought up my King Ralph scenario to some pals at work. They pointed out that Gordie Ashton is ineligible to be the president since he's Canadian.
Muneer: I feel like Gordie being the illegitimate son of a rogue American diplomat confers automatic American citizenship upon him.
Lisette: Yeah there’s a little thing called dual citizenship. Tired of these birthers.
Muneer: Exactly!!

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Staying safe

I told my friend that my favorite cologne in college was Drakkar Noir.

She told me she's glad to hear I was using birth control.

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South American Protest Dogs

There is apparently a long tradition of South American protest dogs. Here are two of them:

Matapacos, the Chilean protest dog El Vaquito

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Employers using AI to snoop on employees

This startup is using AI to give workers a “productivity score”

Great, yet another way for our employers to look over our shoulders. There's a company near here who tracks the number of keystrokes an employee enters per hour. I would live in a cardboard box on the street before working for that type of company.

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Donkey nannies

Steve: Donkey nannies are pretty cool.

Lisette: I am also too young, small and adorable for journeys. I want a donkey nanny

Muneer: I would place some of those old school saddles on my donkey with the bags on each side. One side would have carrots and the other would have apples. We'd take day-long walks in the countryside and enjoy each other's company.

Lisette: That got a little too romantic at the end

Steve: The other option was overtly sexual. There was no third path.

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