I love Weird Celtics Twitter!

A few fun articles about it:

Where did Robert Williams’s nickname come from?:

The short answer is that Time Lord is an ironic reference to a few slip-ups Williams made shortly after getting drafted by the Celtics, oversleeping a introductory conference call with reporters and subsequently missing a flight to Boston, as well as the team’s first practice.

In an attempt to support Williams and get under the skin of those “uptight” media figures, Hebert and friends began joking that the rookie hadn’t actually been late, per se, but was simply “operating on a different timeline concurrent to the one we are in,” like some sort of basketball-playing “Doctor Who” character.

A Trip To The Ojeleye Factory: Inside The Delightfully Wacky World Of Weird Celtics Twitter:

On Semi Ojeleye:

DraftExpress had a graphic about Ojeleye’s ‘Thick, Jacked Frame’ and that he ‘Powers His Way To The Rim’ that nearly gave me a stroke when I saw it on draft night,” Hebert says. “The way body types have come to be described with buzzwords had always been absurd to me and this video breakdown was the greatest iteration. From then on, The Ojeleye Factory became the place you go to cultivate your Combat Muscle and hone your craft as a Strong Man of Sport.

On the since departed Kyrie Irving:

Kyrie had a Kobe-esque reputation as a disconnected gunner. I did not understand that Kyrie is a Spiritually Enlightened Pimp. He follows an Instagram page about Anarchist Farming and Chemtrails. He believes that an NBA season is not 82 games, but instead one Ultimate Game that lasts in perpetuity and that he is playing all games simultaneously so long as he doesn’t overreact. He’s Profoundly Funky. He is the prophet promised to Celtics Twitter in the Scrolls of Old and I am his MIND SHERPA, showing him the way of the riff and the shades and the cigarette.

Inside the cult of ‘combat muscles’ and ‘Weird Celtics Twitter’:

The Ojeleye Factory was a piece of Soviet-style propaganda about [Semi’s] gym, where his pursuit of extreme biceps and triceps as a bench player was to be lionized like they lionized the industrial worker...


This version is better than the original, by far:


Why Tulane University moved away from this logo, I'll never know.



Roger Ebert was always at his best when he didn't like a movie, like 1980's Spit on Your Grave:

I wanted to turn to the man near me and tell him his remarks were disgusting, but I did not. To hold his opinions at his age, he must already have suffered a fundamental loss of decent human feelings. I would have liked to talk with the woman in the back row, the one with the feminist solidarity for the movie’s heroine. I wanted to ask if she’d been appalled by the movie’s hour of rape scenes. As it was, at the film’s end I walked out of the theater quickly, feeling unclean, ashamed, and depressed. This movie is an expression of the most diseased and perverted darker human natures. Because it is made artlessly, it flaunts its motives: There is no reason to see this movie except to be entertained by the sight of sadism and suffering.


"You need to dress like you have a job and parents who raised you in some kind of shame based American religious tradition." - Liz Lemon

From Filip Bondy's book about the Pine Tar Game:

And then Martin made a move that led to one of my favorite baseball moments: At the start of the game, Martin had reliever George Frazier appeal the play at first, claiming Brett had missed the bag during his home-run trot. When that was denied, Frazier appealed that Brett had missed second base and then appealed that Brett had missed third base. After all that, Martin stormed out of the dugout to shout there was no possible way the umpiring crew — a new umpiring crew — could know whether Brett had touched all the bases. Ha! Martin had them!

Only he didn’t. Home-plate umpire Dave Phillips pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Martin.

It was a notarized affidavit from the previous umpiring crew stating unequivocally that Brett had touched all the bases.

I have a mixed relationship with what people would call self-help. I think most of it is bogus nonsense. But there are some people who make sense. The point here is that there aren't any absolutes. There is usually at least a modicum of value in most things.

First, a quote about failing to achieve goals. This goes with my feelings when I hear some version of "They're so smart, if they'd only apply themselves." To me, those are the stupidest people: you possess the ability but don't have the drive:

In fact, this impatience in dealing with frustration is the primary reason that most people fail to achieve their goals. Unreasonable expectations timewise, resulting in unnecessary frustration, due to a perceived feeling of failure. Achieving the extraordinary is not a linear process. The secret is to show up, do the work, and go home. A blue collar work ethic married to indomitable will.

Second, another quote about how true creativity can be brought to the world:

“[Great creative minds] think like artists but work like accountants...

Third, I think that Marcus Aurelius is one of the most impactful thinkers who ever lived. I've linked the translation of Meditations that I think is the best:

If anyone can refute me—show me I’m making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective—I’ll gladly change. It’s the truth I’m after, and the truth never harmed anyone.

An image by 16th-century Swiss scholar Konrad Gesner, featured in Edward Topsell’s wonderful History of Four-footed Beasts (1607)



How Bad Should We Feel When the Willfully Unvaccinated Die?:

So when your cousin/high school friend/neighbor and people like them who choose not to get vaccinated contract COVID and die, while the temptation is to be all, welp, what did you expect, you fucked around and found out, entertain the notion that, alongside anything else about the situation, they have been victimized by people who largely knew better. There are people who know that a virus doesn’t care about politics, but decided to frame it as a political issue because doing so ultimately allows them to sell pillows and nutritional powders and reverse mortgages and gold coins and whatnot to the people they terrified and made angry and ignorant, and because they think that in the authoritarian future they are working so hard to bring about, somehow they will be the ones wearing the boots instead of being crushed under a heel like everyone else.


At the core, the Republicans hate anyone with swag. They don't have any, so they're jealous of anyone who does.

Men lie, women lie, buckets don’t.- Dion Waiters


Coach Finstock from the movie Teen Wolf said the following wise words:

There are 3 rules that I live by: never get less than 12 hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.

I love Mike Birbiglia's comedy. His book had gems like the following:

The closest I had come to seeing a woman naked was in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Since my parents never gave me a sex talk, all I knew was that sex had something to do with swimming.

We're Talking About Vaccines All Wrong:

"This gets to the core of the anxiety driving the anti-vax movement: They want all the rights, privileges, and benefits of human community without any sense of obligation to be responsible participants in that community."

I've never been able to put conspiracy theorists' attitudes into words before, but this hits it on the head.

I'm worried that we've got an impassable gulf between the Trump faction and the rest of America. In times like this, I read history and it shows that there were times in the past when were similarly divided. America made it through. But can we keep on repeating history? I don't know.

This is an old article, but it shows how little things have changed over the years.

the most obvious question no one has the guts to ask: “What if Americans don’t want to be enlightened? What if they’re a bunch of mean, miserable hicks as hostile to enlightened thinking as they are to the possibility of free, quality health care?”

You’d rather fuck things up on your own, something you’re quite good at, and bring others down with you—than live with the shame of having been helped by someone more decent and talented than you.

Kerry’s war heroism secretly pissed off untold millions of American males, especially middle-aged white American males, who identified with the cowardice and loud-mouthed hypocrisy of the Republican war deserters, because most white middle-class American males were war deserters too.

This is the granddaddy of rap song translations. I think this was the first thing that was viral that I ever encountered.

What a life! I'll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o'clock flight. The timing is perfect because I have scheduled a date with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9 o'clock. I'll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you. I rap well and I am a positive reflection of my home town. Not only am I a sexually deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on the board of directors of the organization that governs others of my kind.


From Eric Barker's book, Barking Up the Wrong Tree:

I know plenty of people for whom grit is a liability because it allows them to stick with something that makes them or others miserable and towards no long-term good aim.

Kenny Rogers also put it well:

You got to know when to hold 'em,
Know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away,
And know when to run.

By the time you read this, I will have had some eye surgery. So this newsletter may or may not be getting sent to you from a blind man. :)

First, John Scalzi accurately captures my feelings about people who refuse to wear masks: this point if you are choosing to be unvaccinated because of a political position or because “you don’t trust the science” or whatever dimwit rationale you have, you’re being an asshole, and if you get sick, I’m not going to waste any sympathy on you. My sympathy at this point is for the people the willfully unvaccinated are going out of their way to endanger, namely, the people who genuinely can’t get the vaccine for medical reasons, whose lives will still be curtailed because some of us have decided being a shitty person about COVID is a legitimate social and political stance. Hey! Stop being an asshole about this. Get vaccinated.

Second, you can apparently rent families in Japan to help avoid socially awkward situations:

Terai searched YouTube for tear-inducing videos, and found a Thai life-insurance commercial about a girl who didn’t appreciate the love of her deaf-mute father. Terai cried, and felt that a burden had been lifted.

Third, it's very easy to fall prey to conspiracy theories and faulty thinking:

all it takes to enter an echo chamber is a momentary lapse of intellectual vigilance. Once you’re in, the echo chamber’s belief systems function as a trap, making future acts of intellectual vigilance only reinforce the echo chamber’s worldview.