great lines

This Photo Of Dick Vitale Is Art

This is almost the whole article's text, but it's too good not to share:

Here we find the old man robbed of his schtick by the punishing cold, the usual cartoonishness of his persona replaced by the pained look that you find on the face of every old man who has been forced to leave Florida. This is the first time we've ever seen the real Dickie V.


Tell me what I want to hear

Great quote from Reddit:

It must be hard taking your car to 100 mechanics before you get to one that tells you your brakes are working just fine. It must be hard going to 100 doctors before you find the one that tells you your cholesterol level is healthy.

No silver lining

A quote by Krusty the Clown from the Simpsons episode, "Bart the Fink":

There's no silver lining here. I was a big cheese! A huge cheese! But now, look at me. I gotta ride the bus like a schnook! I gotta live in an apartment like an idiot! I gotta wait in line with nobodies to buy groceries from a failure!

Educate and horrify

A classic line from The Simpsons:

“There’s no need to murmur, ma’am. Here at Itchy and Scratchy Land we’re just as concerned about violence as you are. That’s why we’re always careful to show the consequences of deadly mayhem, so that we may educate as well as horrify.”

Get the details right

From Mastermind, a James Bond villain-level hacker had the following exchange at his trial:

Q. And, for example, you ordered the murder of a Filipino customs agent, correct?

A. That’s not correct.

Q. What is not correct about it?

A. The individual wasn’t a customs agent.

Thrilling and hilarious

who's on judge mathis today? #194:

greg dusts off his perry mason costume to say, “aha! that means you believed him, which means he isn’t lying and you’re here on behalf of a thief!” what was that sound? oh yeah, that was my bottom jaw s h a t t e r i n g against the floor. what a thrilling and hilarious trap!!!!! i really do be forgetting sometimes that greg is a real live trained lawyer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great Lines: The Rules of Employment Edition

I couldn't pick just one or two of the points in this post, so I'm going to repost it.

  • Stay calm. Remember, you can’t become worse off than when you started.

  • Cultivate a professional mindset. You are above the company, descending to help them. Do the work required, do honest work, help them achieve their goals, but don’t become mentally trapped.

Work attire


"You need to dress like you have a job and parents who raised you in some kind of shame based American religious tradition." - Liz Lemon

Words to live by

Coach Finstock from the movie Teen Wolf said the following wise words:

There are 3 rules that I live by: never get less than 12 hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.

Vital public health information

I love Mike Birbiglia's comedy. His book had gems like the following:

The closest I had come to seeing a woman naked was in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Since my parents never gave me a sex talk, all I knew was that sex had something to do with swimming.