The Gay Community


Every season I played fantasy basketball, I had to have Rudy Gay on my team so I could name it The Gay Community.

Why Rudy Gay never created Gay Communities wherever he played is still a mystery to me.


The Agony

I was talking to someone today about analyzing projects that have gone wrong at work. I said,

I love digging through projects and finding out what happened. It's like a puzzle. But the answer inevitably infuriates me. So I am left with a conundrum: the thing that I love the most also brings me the greatest sadness.


My heritage, pt. 3

My great uncle Mohammad O'Halloran had a stop in Brussels when he was going from India to Ireland. He managed, in the span of 24.5 minutes, to father a boy named Pieter van der Ahmaad. I must travel to Belgium and reclaim my birthright.


Donut Boy

Muneer: Can I call the police donut boy, or is that like the N-word now?
Steve: Short answer to both questions: yes.


BBQ business idea

Muneer: Steve and I have decided to embark upon a new business venture that we just realized has been approved by God. We are going to tailgate Covid vaccine lines and sell tasty ribs, sausages and hot links to the unwashed masses. The name of our business will be a combo of our names: Steer. God gave us both the perfect names to combine into a name for a predatory BBQ business.
Wife: Who’s doing the cooking?
Muneer: We're looking into the exciting world of undocumented labor to procure our pitmaster.



Muneer: I knew a dude in college who used to eat tofu submerged in maple syrup for breakfast.
Lisette: I assume that man is in prison today.
Muneer: He cut me out of his life in 2008.
Lisette: You mean he liberated you from his life in 2008.


King Ralph in real life

Muneer: I just want the Supreme Court nomination ceremony to end up being like the opening scene in King Ralph.
Steve: That takes me back.
Muneer: Instead of it all happening at once, it can happen over a few weeks or months.
Muneer: But at the end of the day, a Canadian named Gordie Ashton will be named president. He will bring moose and Tim Hortons along with social programs.
Lisette: Haaa.
Steve: I, for one, welcome our Canadian overlords.


Donkey nannies

Steve: Donkey nannies are pretty cool.
Lisette: I am also too young, small and adorable for journeys. I want a donkey nanny.
Muneer: I would place some of those old school saddles on my donkey with the bags on each side. One side would have carrots and the other would have apples. We'd take day-long walks in the countryside and enjoy each other's company.
Lisette: That got a little too romantic at the end.
Steve: The other option was overtly sexual. There was no third path.


Becoming a man

I once saw a teen boy at SportClips with his mom. The stylist who came to get him for his cut was a Russian woman who was showing a lot of cleavage.

The mom said, "We'll wait until the next person is free" and held the boy's arm. The boy shook his arm free, gave mom a look like "Damn bitch! Let me live!" and went with the stylist.

The mom, angry about this turn of events, loudly announced she was going to get ice cream.

I wanted to run over and give the boy some dap, but restrained myself.

Xmas 2016

Merry 'All The Threats Of Not Getting Presents Because Santa Only Gives Gifts To Those On The Nice List Have No Teeth, Be As Naughty As You Want' Day.


The only person who can complain

Back in 1996, I was complaining about some political issue on the KU bus. Some guy says, "You have no right to complain if you don't vote." I looked at him and said, "I have no right to vote since I'm not a citizen, so I'm literally in the only group that can legitimately complain about how things are since I have no say in any of it. However, if your mom or sister is willing to marry me, I'll be sure to vote in 2000."

Office Xmas Parties

Have fun at your “work is forcing us to hang out, so I drink to loosen up, cheat on my wife in the supply closet, have to get a divorce, now my kids are from a broken home” parties.


Timely Advice

Since my sister in law writes erotica, the subject of menage a trois came up at dinner last night. My nephew asked what it meant.

I said, “Don’t do it, kid. You never want to disappoint two people when you can get away with just disappointing one.”