My lover is on his way. I know this because my mom just yelled downstairs, “Lillian, your lover is on his way.” I live in my parents’ basement because I love them and they love me. We can just add onto the house if we decide we need more space for bulk Fruit Roll-Ups or whatever.

They are not all just playing cards in those tents!

It’s completely and utterly normal to live your day to day life never particularly thinking about sex.

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But the new hook-up is coming from a quite surprising place – Amanda and McCrae in the HOH bedroom. They are pictured above, it starts at around 5:30 a.m. PT on the BB feeds.

It sounds like Amanda is being (ahem) handy, as she says, “I’m not kidding, it’s like Sea World down there. It’s wet and wild, that is not normal.”

Ewwwwwww-UH.

I wish I had the words to tell you how keenly I miss you.

Porn convinced me guys loved penetrating anal cavities. So i let my husband fuck my ass at least once a week for 7 straight years.

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The mom said, “We’ll wait until the next person is free” and held the boy’s arm. The boy shook his arm free, gave mom a look like “Damn bitch! Let me live!” and went with the stylist.

My response is, “I’m sorry your expectations to receive bespoke pornography weren’t met. This person doesn’t have the skill or drive to do anything else. What else did you realistically expect?”

I was listening to some R&B, as I’m known to do. One of the singers was Keke Wyatt. I then found out she’s had 11 kids. I think this proves that her R&B is the best. All those kids are the evidence.

I didn’t want to be the one to have to tell them that daddy isn’t hurting mommy.

It’s like a guy with a small dick who knows how to use it. He has heart. He makes up for his lack of size with an unwavering commitment to giving it his all with every stroke. But really he has a lot of girth. You never think about the girth. His dick was never small. It’s thick. And that helps more than anything.

It feels so good it makes my nipples hard, so I’m sure you boys would find a way to jack it with a big ass flame coming out the side of your head.

My pal Steve found a more work appropriate way to list the reasons: ladies, lira, lambada.

After all, what man in his right mind would willingly take on a roommate that he was sexually attracted to? Such an unholy union of hormones and personal finance decisions could lead only to disaster.

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I always come through when a homie is trying to wine, dine and 69 a lady.

Source: I used to work in Las Vegas nightclubs, my friends are hosts at Las Vegas nightclubs and we see/talk about this topic often. We also know many of these girls personally.

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A New Big Ben Exposure Story: “He Had A Gray Penis”:

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Guns have become a socially acceptable substitute for sex toys.

… heed Cube’s words: “That HIV will make your dick hang sideways”

I have a good friend whose roommate is a bit of a sloot. She is originally from Pittsburgh and has done the party in my pants dance with a couple of Steelers. Not long ago we were out at a bar in Chicago, and Kirk and his buddies were hitting on her pretty hard. She honestly had no idea who he was and must have told him to get a life two or three times. Then he pulled the whole, “Do you know who I am?” line. Swear to God. I’ve been around professional athletes a ton, and I’ve actually never heard one use this until that night.

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Yo baby. You got some prom pictures of your daughter? I need to verify your story.

I was once an impetuous younger man, prone to follow Insta accounts where men would flaunt their wealth and female companions.

I am writing to share the perspective of a woman who is fighting for her marriage. And for that reason, I want to tell you that I don’t need my husband to see your boobs…I don’t blame you for being confident enough to let the world see how good you look in front of the waves with your coozie and ballcap and barely anything else. But I want to tell you that it’s a stumbling block in our marriage.

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We finally found a room with a single bed. My friend looked apprehensive and looked like he was going to turn down the room because he was not wanting to sleep in the same bed as another dude. I was angry and screamed, “I have no interest in trying to have sex with you! If you’re going to try and have sex with me, make sure you don’t wake me up!”

#30 on the Detroit Lions is named Dee Virgin. He probably plays against the QB today, David Blough, in practice. So, several times a week, Virgin is trying to get a Blough.

I dimly remember when sex used to be about making each other feel good, before it devolved into this malevolent cycle of revenge.

My Excellent Adventure with “Table for Six”:

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He looks at his best friend and feels things he hasn’t felt before. He looks in his eyes and says “Nice hog, bro.”

Nephew: I did a real good job making that green bean casserole. I should get paid. Me: If we got paid for things we did well, all my ex-girlfriends would have to take out second mortgages.

This stuff is also saved somewhere forever.

In college, a good friend of mine went back home overseas for good without really disposing of any of his things. He just gave me and a few of his other friends copies of his apartment key and told us to have at it (he had filthy rich parents).

I was fucking my wife when she said “Roll over, I want to taste my pussy on your cock”.

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Girl got really drunk and maybe into some other substances

#286:

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Man, if a woman did that to me, I’d be like, “You two ever seen each other naked? Well, you about to.”

I wouldn’t have recognized her anyway. She was featured in that publication long after it stopped playing an outsized role in my development as a young man.

Everyone’s got an embarrassing sex story. Mine happened in 1998, my senior year. It was 2 A.M. and my girlfriend was over even though she wasn’t supposed to be in my room after 11 P.M. And we were getting into some pretty kinky stuff. She had me tie her up, write on her, basically treat her like a sex slave. She wanted me to threaten her with death during this role-playing session, too. Obviously, she really got off on this type of stuff.

My pal has a case with a really stuffy co-counsel and we were all joking about how to loosen the guy up a bit. Someone brought up taking him to a strip club and I vetoed the idea, saying he’d bring the vibe down and say things like ”MY WORD! I can’t have a strumpet’s breasts smudging my monocle!”

That being said, a little bit ago she randomly messaged me saying she has something naughty to share and sends me cellphone footage of her with a vibrator doing some impressive pornography-grade squirting. She goes on to talk about how excited she is for teaching herself how, and we proceed to make plans to explore this further. Next thing I know she’s cumming in my face like a chinese firefighter trying to extinguish a burning chemical factory while I’m right there dumping fuel on the flames.

A member of the Houston Rockets was injured in an incident outside a strip club called The Booby Trap. Few names are so apt for a business.

She farts in the bubble bath. She uses her fingernail to scrape vaginal discharge from her thong. She pulls long strands of hair out of her butt crack with glee and only shaves the lower third of her calves. She gazes out at the world with red, glassy eyes, breaking her silence only to utter the occasional guttural croak.  Who is this genteel goddess of femininity? She’s Foul Bachelorette Frog, a vestige of late-aughts meme culture. Today, Foul Bachelorette Frog’s legacy has largely been lost to the swirling Xibalba that is Tumblr’s archives, but the amphibious meme remains a putrid oasis for a generation of women raised without the benefit of tell-all TikToks and period influencers. In fact, for many of us, she served as a sort of deranged North Star of secret feminine behavior, normalizing everything from throwing out dirty dishes instead of washing them to ripping out your nipple hair with your teeth.  LOVE the foul bachelorette frog #truestory pic.twitter.com/xp4SigM6 — Kait (@kaitlundrigan) February 6, 2012

He said he was out on a date at a restaurant his rookie year. He was ready to order, but she was really studying the menu. He asked what she was having trouble with.

I have a slight problem with this picture, so bare with me for a moment while I explain it as best as I can.

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Then, on May 9, his fiancee, Alicia Machado was filmed having sex with a castmate on the Chilean realty show, La Granja. Abreu immediately broke it off with Machado when the video came out.

At least to me.

The unambiguously filthy talk that defines IV Play is a logical step for Nash, whose solo career is based in part on a profane sort of bubblegum—sprightly little pop songs with nimble keyboards or regal horn sections over beats that purr and snap while he praises shawty for being the shit, or for rocking that shit, or for being the kind of girl worth stealing. He has come as close to living without euphemism as a pop-music architect can get.

44 Of The Craziest Random (But True) Hookup Stories You’ve Ever Heard

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I said, “Don’t do it, kid. You never want to disappoint two people when you can get away with just disappointing one.”

If you go a town where the factory just shut down, the strip clubs are a lot more liberal about what you can do.

I had recess duty a few years ago. A kindergarten girl came running over with another girl right after her and said “She called me the b-word.” When I asked the second student if she called the first student the b-word, she turned to the first one and said “Motherfucker doesn’t start with a b.”

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Yes, I am coming back to Westwood.

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