Quentin Grimes Is The Tragicomic Protagonist Of The Terminal NBA Season:

… I am charmed by a trade that could turn out to have hurt both teams while helping a player’s career in the process.

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An Interview With My Cat About His Most Annoying Behaviors:

We often quote a decade-old Adam Serwer tweet about his own cats: Management doesn’t need a union.

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After hearing about the grim men’s lifestyle, I have a way to describe how I felt when I went to the club in college.

Paul Pierce Loses ESPN Gig After Broadcasting Grim Men’s Evening:

From a now-deleted Reddit post:

I stumbled onto this subreddit looking for tips on running a basic Plex server, and holy shit, you people are insane. Instead of finding normal humans, I find complete psychos debating ZFS configurations like they’re discussing fine wine. “Ah yes, this RAIDZ2 has subtle notes of data integrity.” You are all a bunch of sick vitamin D deficient freaks.

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Aaron Rodgers’s Jets Tenure Ended In True Jets Fashion:

His mistake (well, his most enduring, anyway) was in thinking that because he was him, he could raise the Titanic with a spoon. He didn’t make the Jets better, they made him worse, and though he tried to turn his legacy into a paper towel by being the humorless contrarian and foe of all things provably true, all he really did was remind us that the Jets are never not going to Jet,

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Salesforce Is Using A Hallucination To Sell AI:

… why—for the love of God, why—would McConaughey let himself be seated outside during this downpour? Why has he decided to be complicit in his own abjection?

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Masai Ujiri Continues His Baffling Wing Collection:

Ujiri seemed to enjoy team-building under an Oulipo constraint.

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The Future Is Too Easy:

There is something unstable at the most basic level about any space with too much capitalism happening in it.

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This is a compilation of the best Jaguars comments from Drew Magary and others on Deadspin and Defector.

Why Your Team Sucks 2013: Jacksonville Jaguars:

Jimmy Butler is a Toxic Ex:

Butler is not a people pleaser. He’s not for everybody. On the one hand, he strikes me as a no-nonsense guy. On the other hand, he tends to bring about a good deal of nonsense.

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The Raiders were so trash that they once ended up with a 3rd and 48 against the Chiefs

• Oakland Raiders had 3rd and 48 against the Kansas City Chiefs

In true Raiders fashion, they were driving toward the wrong end zone.

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Ingredients for 21 year old Muneer to have a great time:

WITH strip_club AS 
(SELECT *
FROM world.gentlemansclubs
WHERE dancer.status != 'pregnant'
	AND cover.charge IS NULL),
WITH shawtys AS
(SELECT *
FROM world.women
WHERE bitchy IS NULL
	AND MAX(DTF)
	AND MIN(commitment)
	AND clinger.stage < 5)
liquor AS
(SELECT *
FROM world.drinks
WHERE liquor.type NOT IN(‘wine’,’tequila’),
WITH video_games AS
(SELECT *
FROM games.systems
WHERE systems.type NOT IN(‘Atari 2600’, ‘Commodore 64’)
	AND game.title != ‘Battletoads’),
SELECT *
FROM tear_da_club_up
LEFT JOIN shawtys
LEFT JOIN strip_club
LEFT JOIN liquor
LEFT JOIN video_games
ORDER BY fun DESC

This is a compilation of the best Chiefss comments from Drew Magary and others on Deadspin and Defector.

Why Your Team Sucks: Kansas City Chefs:

I Have Created A Turkey Fiend:

Tuesday morning she posts up, staring intensely at me, swishing the tip of her tail in frustration. She is not meowing. She is locked in. She is furious. I do not think she knows exactly what she’s mad at me for, beyond that I have previously displayed the ability to provide her with turkey, and I am not currently doing that.

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In college, me and my roommates were looking for stuff to buy that was cheap and would be filling. We happened upon Stovetop stuffing. Once we made it, we immediately went back out and bought enough for the next 2 weeks and ate it at dinner every night. Thus began a love affair that has never abated. I’ll still crush some Stovetop!

Dude, when I worked for JPMorgan, I remember reading something that chilled me to my core.

The intranet had an article that was something like “A Day in the Life of An Analyst”.

When I was living with my parents after law school, I was forced to help with painting a room. It was mostly me sitting there, not being able to do anything because if I wasn’t paying full attention, I’d get lectured. Eventually, we stopped painting the room actively and dad would paint a little bit after every couple of weeks or a month.

My dad was super proud of how he was able to precisely paint the edges. He’s like, “Maybe I need to do this professionally!” I told him most of his clients would expect a job to be measured in days rather than decades.

Business in the Front, Party in the Back:

Can anyone explain why the Ute is popular in Australia?

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» Sheed and Stack in the Big Apple:

Stackhouse is poker-faced, but approachable — and yet he’s always been considered an old-school tough guy who shouldn’t be crossed under any circumstances.

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