Then they came for me
Lots of truth being dropped by Cory Doctorow about the true motivations of MAGA's boss class. Maga’s boss class think they are immune to American carnage: It's not just that Texas DA Gocha Ramirez...
All Posts
The Donaldian style of communication
Gavin Newsom's press office has been having a field day creating tweets that mimic Trump's style. Some of my favs: From 8-12: DONALD TRUMP, THE LOWEST POLLING PRESIDENT IN RECENT HISTORY, THIS IS...
Rex Huppke laughs at them
I found Rex Huppke's column recently, and have been going through the archives. Here are some bangers: Trump thinks Putin respects him. It's hilarious – and naive: President Donald Trump is an easily...
I had lost a piece of myself
Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Denver Broncos | Defector: I remember growing up with my grandfather and father yelling at the TV whenever they watched football. I always thought it was silly to get angry...
Learned words from Learned Hand
This is a very good reminder of what liberty and freedom truly mean. Learned Hand, a judge with the best name, gave this address when administering the oath of citizenship to new immigrants: We have...
Felon and criminal meet in Alaska
Robert Hubbell with an accurate description of Trump and Putin's date in Anchorage. Why Trump's failure in Alaska matters.: A convicted felon and fugitive war criminal met in Alaska on Friday to...
Animals on their grind
Load bearing woke
Big Balls caused the DC takeover
The reason for Trump "federalizing" the DC police, which isn't a thing is even dumber than I could have imagined. Desperate for ratings, Trump “federalizes” D.C.: Per Jerecic, > The inciting incident...
Taco of success
Project 2026
I wholly endorse the ideas in this post. No need for Dems to remain the bigger people while the GOP keeps pushing the envelope. Should Democrats Threaten a Project 2026?: It has two parts, the...
Disgusting emotions
It's Big Brother season, so was watching it last night. As some of you may know, Big Brother now casts specific archetypes. Vinnie (Dumb Young Man Who Thinks He's Slick) was crying while talking to...
Hair that rises like the golden light of Christ’s love
Dingus of the Week: It’s a smorgasbord of smarm: Ryan Walters: Yes, Satan has gotten ahold of you and made you lie about this man, this pure innocent man, with hair that rises like the golden light...
The He-Man Woman Hating Club
I can't believe we live in a time where a kid named 'bigballs' was a high level government employee. It reminds me of that scenario from "The Killing Fields" where Pol Pot's regime was recruiting...
Love money more than people
Lyz Lenz wrote this right after the election. I agree with her statement about Trump voters' motivations. Dingus of the week: Matt Yglesias: If your response to a loss is to become more inhumane,...
Never meet your heroes
Trump's hearing probably gone
The mailbag posts from electoral-vote are proving to have interesting little nuggets of information. Sunday Mailbag: Trump: R.A.G. in Luverne, MN, writes: Speaking from experience, my hearing went...
Sentient Froot by the Foot
Dingus of the week: RFK Jr.: This week, that sentient Froot by the Foot, the man who looks like roadkill got turned into beef jerky with a voice that sounds like a haunted wooden gate, RFK Jr.,...
Conservatives hate America
The Right Hates America: So maybe I do hate aspects of the country in which I was born. Perhaps this makes me the first person to ever be born into a nation deserving of critique, or maybe I'm just...
Octogenarian Florida real-estate ghouls
Tanier had to come back to dress down the Dolphins. Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Miami Dolphins: The podcast intelligentsia has since soured on McDaniel, perhaps because we have all become a little wary...
Big balls deflated
L'Etat C'est Trump: Maybe Antifa Was on to Something: This week, someone in D.C. beat up Edward Coristine, the 19-year-old computer programmer and former DOGEy known as "Big Balls." It's not clear...
Urban lifestyle has no appeal
In response to this articleproving my city has one of the highest concentrations of fast food in the US: Years ago, I said that the culture and excitement of living in an urban environment no longer...
No more blood left to squeeze
The GOP is now trying to find an extra 5 seats in Texas, because they know they can't win in a fair election. But, they've already made their maps as favorable as possible. I saw a delightful term...
He will spend his off-hours assembling four-legged parlays
Once I finished the Bears piece, I had to read Tanier's takedown of the 2024 Titans. Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Tennessee Titans: Callahan also happens to be the son of Bill Callahan, the early-2000s...
The ends justify the means
This is a very insightful response to any institutionalist Democrats who argue that the ends don't justify the means when it comes to gerrymandering: To me, the ends never justify the means. They...
Money allergy
When my nephew was in high school, I heard he was getting bad grades. The next time I saw him, I took a $20 out of my pocket and began waving it in front of his nose. He asked me what I was doing. I...
Caleb Williams' sovereign citizen gambit
Mike Tanier was brought in to address Caleb Williams' various machinations in his first year with the Bears. Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Chicago Bears: The Bears were spiraling along at Step 1/Phase 3...
Not trying to close any pathways to money
Someone said they didn't have Venmo and if I could do Cash App or Zelle: Who you talking to? Of course I got Cash App and Zelle. I don't close off any avenues that deliver money to me. Man, I might...
Commander in cheat
Commander in cheat: The through-line from 2020 to 2025 is a disdain for any outcome where Trump (or his party) might lose. Rather than accept losing with grace — a fundamental norm in democracy —...
Corrupting the youth
I'm currently corrupting the intern sitting next to me. I got my man placing bets at work, taking extra cookies from the intern events, all of it! I used to sit next to a window. They then made me...
Seeking out happiness
Why Your Team Sucks: Las Vegas Raiders: Geno Smith, largely on the say-so of Carroll, who helped resurrect his career in Seattle. In three years, he brushed off the stain of being a Jet, but somehow...
Same formulas
This tidbit from a mailbag post on a political site about cane sugar vs. high fructose corn syrup is exactly the kind of insider knowledge I like learning about: Regarding Coca-Cola and whether HFCS...
Weddings are terrible, Pt. 3
I can't find this story anymore, so writing what I remember for posterity. A bride called up her parents and her in-laws and asked her to meet with her the weekend before her wedding. They all show...
Go west, lady
One of the most inspiring work karma stories I've ever encountered personally was the following: A lady, let's call her Jane, began to work for my company. She was a contracts manager and was pretty...
I am the future
Losing emotional and mental control
Losing his marbles? Trump's marbles disappeared sometime around 1953. Trump Has A(nother) Meltdown: It's (yet another) sign that Trump is losing emotional and mental control. Look again at the...
Believe in the good
From Tumblr: through gritted teeth the world is GOOD. people are kind. Humans are NOT inheritly selfish. you will make it through this year. recovery is possible. people you don’t know yet will love...
Boundless light
Bird poop
2025 MLB Trade Deadline thoughts
Talking to a few folks at work about the MLB trade deadline, I said the following: Draftkings' Fraud Detection Department was the only team that could end the Guardians' dominance in the division....
When your loved ones go MAGA
I settled on a way to think about people like Usama bin Kevin. He was a normal person from 2001-06. Then he started listening to InfoWars and going into the far right rabbit holes. The friend I had...
What it smell like?
Need a clown
Expressing myself via my Grizzlies jacket
Back in high school, I decided to get a reversible Vancouver Grizzlies jacket. Each side let the world know what my vibe was. This was the black side, when I needed the ladies to know young YungMun...
I only got colder
As I got older, I only got colder. Each evening, I sit in the dark and listen to 'Love Doesn't Live Here Anymore' by Rose Royce for 20 minutes to return to my core values.
T-Wolves logo
Old ladies are killers
This is concerning, but also heartwarming. From Tumblr: A year or so ago I went to wood carving club with a bruised eye from my dog slamming his nose into my eyesocket and like every old lady there...
Balk rules
Another great bit of writing from Jon Bois: Balk Rules > You can’t just be up there and just doin’ a balk like that. 1a. A balk is when you 1b. Okay well listen. A balk is when you balk the 1c. Let...
Bruce Wayne's wealth
This is a banger of a story from Tumblr: Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth. Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world. He starts...
Haters gonna hate
MS Teams notifications
Aggressive TGIF Dog
When I aggressively want the weekend to get here, these are my vibes:
Celebrating with food
Upon hearing that some people at work who have not been pulling their weight on a project were celebrating their success by eating Korean food, I said the following: I will celebrate being liberated...
It's All A Joke
This is what galled me the most about Usama bin Kevin: anytime he had to substantively defend his position about some wild conspiracy he'd heard about and was now forcing upon me, he would claim he...
Wastrel
Very apt description of Kristi Noem in this post: There is a cosplaying, ignorant wastrel named Kristi Noem heading the Department of Homeland Security. Because of huge ICE expenditures, she blew...
Cynicism Is the Enemy of Action
Rebecca Solnit with some important observations about why we need to take action and what to do about the people who choose to sit on the sidelines and be discouraging: When you don't assume the...
Doubling down on sin
The BYU QB, Jake Retzlaff, was going to be suspended for 7 games because he admitted to having premartial sex. My man told them to go to hell, went to the transfer portal, and is going to Tulane. He...
The crowd at a Trump rally
Lyz Lenz went to a Trump rally in Iowa right after the "Bulging Barbarous Bill" passed. Being a leftist, she may have already been primed to notice people being pieces of crap. They did not...
No faith
MAGA mad about Epstein
Lyz Lenz's Dingus of the Week is fast becoming a must read for me. Some hot fire on the MAGA fight about Epstein this week. Dingus of the week: The Epstein Files: ... my good man, I wish the left was...
Jewels from Shammgod
Here are a couple of funny passages from "The Word of God" by God Shammgod:
Stop The Norms Respecters
The Norms Respecters Have To Be Stopped: We already tried the Return To Norms thing. The Biden years were one long wish that American politics could normalize with a Washington lifer in charge of...
Focus on it
Necroprancer
This is a classic from Tumblr: TEEN HORSE GIRL MOVIE WHERE THE HORSE DIES AN HOUR IN AND THE SECOND HALF IS THE GIRL LEARNING OCCULT SCIENCE TO REANIMATE IT SO SHE CAN WIN THE BIG DERBY >...
Confusion about their Golden Calf
Why The Epstein Thing Is Different: Driven by a burning desire to be loved and adored, Trump softened his stance on the vaccine as an unmitigated good by reminding people they had the right to refuse...
Defining funny
I can't stop laughing at this usage of "scares the hoes": Every time Alex tries to convince the electorate to institute a modest reform, Bob scares the hoes by suggesting a more ambitious,...
Blowing Sophie's Choice
Dingus of the week: Lisa Murkowski: But the What If We Made Out With Mark Zuckerberg Inside a Shuttered Rural Hospital Bill finally passed because Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski ultimately caved and...
Powerlessness
My pal was threatening to take away my system access to a work system I used to be an expert in. I said: My powerlessness in this world I once occupied as a colossus has never been so clear.
Who Goes MAGA?
I've excerpted this entire link from Techdirt because it's important to know who these people are. > With apologies to Dorothy Thompson, whose 1941 essay in Harper’s, “Who Goes Nazi?” remains a...
Coming for your rights
I recently heard the Work (Remix) by ASAP Ferg. When I heard the this bar from French Montana, When they mask up, comin' for your ice When they bare-faced, they comin' for your life I realized that...
A darker Never Been Kissed
Sports Memery had this banger about Larry Bird and Shawn Kemp: Few people know the connection between Larry Bird and Shawn Kemp. At age 33, Bird discovered that teenage phenom Shawn Kemp had...
The Saga of Darnold
Darnold and CJ Stroud: After the Texans game, Sam Darnold approached CJ Stroud, who had been sacked five times, to offer some advice. "Stop taking those hits," Darnold said, giving Stroud a pat on...
Leading a horse to water
Sometimes, I feel like this at work.
Arpaio's mom
Scary Mamdani
Lyz Lenz accurately calls out what the Mamdani panic is actually about. Dingus of the week: Everyone who is mad about Zohran Mamdani Like if we let a Democrat run on the actual platform of the...
Tiny OSHA Me
From Tumblr: Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now? The...
Haliban memes
I'm loving the Haliban memes!
Why don't you walk?
The worst people in America
The Worst People In America: For starters, none of the people the Times spoke with seem to understand that they—personally—are culpable for Carol’s imprisonment. Waitress Celena Horton says she loves...
Keep investigating
Best Elon insult
Rusty Foster is off the Appalachian Trail, and he came back hot! Friends Forever: Increasingly malevolent emperor Donald Trump and Boer piss baby Elon Musk spent much of last week doing what they...
Alienation as a negotiation tactic
Why the Brock Purdy Contract Stinks: And these are the 49ers, for heaven’s sake: the franchise that never met a big-name veteran that it couldn’t alienate with its intermittent-fasting approach to...
Bridging the divide
Written after I sparked a heated debate about Apple Music vs. Spotify, and someone posted a song and links to both services: I appreciate you trying to bridge the gap I created.
Not sure there's a human in there
From a comment in a private Slack I’m a member of: Wife has a cousin involved in Iowa democratic politics and has met Ernst. His main comment, “I’m not sure there’s a human being in there.”
First Dominican president
We going to find out that Jared Kushner was born in Santo Domingo and his name was Ernesto Gonzalez. Charles Kushner was originally a mechanic who won the seed money for his real estate empire in a...
Cohort of bigots
Box Score Banter: The Foreseeable, the Unforeseeable, & the Taylor Walls Ejection: No doubt, Walls is already furious on the first day of pride month, stuck playing for a team which, horrifyingly,...
Musk and Bessent fight
That black eye Elon Musk had in his news conference was likely delivered by the Treasury Secretary. That clown got whooped by a senior citizen. Insane moment Elon Musk 'SHOVED' Trump's treasury...
People unhappy leopards eating faces
Missouri MAGA Mommies Didn’t Vote For Trump To Deport This One Immigrant They Like!: The New York Times is out with what may become a new kind of Cletus Safari, where instead of visiting diners to...
TACO
I love the fact that this makes Trump so mad: ‘Trump always chickens out’: Taco jibe ruffles president’s feathers
The deaf leading the blind
I saw an episode of that reality show set in a women's prison. It's set in Cincinnati. There was a lady brought in who claimed to be the female kingpin for the drug trade in New Orleans. She was...
Grinding
If she's grinding on you at the club at 2am, she won't be grinding coffee beans at 7am.
Venn Diagram, Pt. 2
From Ed Burmila on Bluesky: The Venn Diagram of people who say "We need to give more money to trade schools and less to fake Gender Studies universities!" and people who want their own kids going to...
Lisan al-Gaib
I don't get Chalamet's appeal, but this is a great meme:
Titan
To a friend who said he hadn't played a game and went back to it after a year: You are a titan who forgot the realm he held dominion over.
Police interactions in legal textbooks
I used to laugh when I'd read the recaps in criminal law cases. They make it seem like this is the interaction between cop and criminal. Cop: I say, my good fellow, do you mind if I inspect the trunk...
Not Megan Fox
I was incensed after my pal E said a woman looked like Megan Fox. I looked her up on LinkedIn and she didn't fit the description at all. I told E: This is no Megan Fox!!! This is generic Oklahoma Chi...
Man's rejection
I heard this on the U Up? podcast, but it's apparently a Christian saying: Man's rejection is god's protection.
Nemesis
Box Score Banter: Nemesis: A nemesis, defined in one way as the inescapable agent of someone’s downfall, is one of the most common archetypes in sports.
Mother's Day
Enemy tears
A solid ancient Chinese proverb: The tears of an enemy are merely water.
Grim men's lifestyle
I have heard of a new thing from this site I love called Defector: the grim men's lifestyle. It's when you are engaging in activities that are thought of as fun like playing poker or going to a...
Incompetence and misfortune
Box Score Banter: Keep Riding: It’s a mixture of incompetence and misfortune and torpor, a malaise that hollows out a creature’s identity and takes the body as its own. You go on a six-game winning...
Unwilling to use Occam's Razor
From Amanda Marcotte's newsletter: For instance, Trump filibustered on Tuesday by saying, “Think of us as a super luxury store” where “we're going to give you a very good price, we're going to make...
Romance
They found my side hustle!
Reading Rainbow
DUI Hire
These are things the people in the military are calling Leaky Pete Hegseth:
Cuddling in the morning
I woke up at like 5 as I usually do. Monkey hops up on the bed and won't stop meowing at me. So I got up to go downstairs. The moment I do so, he starts nuzzling my wife and flops over and starts...
Don't commit
My pal said he's going to take the summer to cut loose. I said, "You going to take the summer to become a human Spuds McKenzie. You'll be found at local pools and sandy areas hanging with women in...
President Blanka
Talking To The President: You will, for some reason, always be able to see Trump's entire body in a chair, squatting and heaving and canted in an uncanny way that might remind you of Blanka from...
Betrayal is inevitable
David Simon from Homicide: Life on the Streets: I came to realize that there was something emblematic here: that in postmodern America, whatever institution you serve or are served by--a police...
Like a Johnny Rockets
I was finally forced to upgrade to Windows 11. It's like going to a Johnny Rockets. Everything is familiar, but unpleasantly different at the same time.
Laugh At Them, Pt. 5
The Fatal Flaw Of 'Dark Woke': Sometimes Dark Woke involves downright harsh and mean spirited barbs aimed directly at the insecurities of prominent fascists like Marjorie Taylor Greene or...
Can't handle complexity
Every complex ecosystem has parasites: Conservatives hate complexity. I once described the conservative yearning for "simpler times," as a desire to be a child again. After all, the thing that made...
Musk's downfall
Will Lockett out here giving me some hope: Musk’s empire will fall in two blows: the first when the AI bubble bursts and eradicates Tesla, xAI, and Twitter/X, and the second when SpaceX drowns in...
Rough jazz
Religious clapback
From Tumblr: One of the biggest power moves I have here in the midwest when someone is being racist, sexist, homophobic is that I tell them that I’ll pray for them so that god can grace them with...
Scouting the Masters
On betting Corey Conners to place top 10 at the Masters, and being told I should be a scout for the PGA Tour: I need to watch the field like a hawk, akin to a vet at the horse track who has developed...
Free thinker
I’m a Free-Thinking Centrist with Only Right-Wing Ideas: I’ve been red-pilled, but I think The Matrix was just okay. I voted for Trump, but I respect Democrats like John Fetterman who are willing to...
Judases and Brutuses
Riding Shotgun with a Drunk Driver
What It Feels Like, Right Now: Living here in America right now feels like that time. Stuck riding shotgun in a car with a drunk driver. It’s hard to focus. It’s hard to focus on the things in front...
Art too powerful for society
Zig when they zag
Talking about a company I'm forced to deal with at work: They out here trying to zig when the rest of the world zags. They're hiring the worst and the dullest instead of the best and brightest.
Bad at their job
Are People Bad At Their Jobs....or Are The Jobs Just Bad?: If everyone’s good at their job, shop there. If you need help with something, find a local company or self-employed person to pay directly —...
Literal bad beat
Before the 2003 NCAA Men's Basketball Championship, I'd bet someone $10 that Syracuse would win. Word got out at the watch party I was attending. A woman, who was a diehard KU fan, came up to me and...
Biglaw quislings
Charlie Sykes giving cowardly Biglaw firms the business! Fuck you, and all your contumacious works, you cowardly brood of white-shoed lickspittles. You embraced your ignominy with enthusiasm. You...
Generation doesn't fear like it should
Not going alone
Overheard at work bingo
God will clean
My pal E went to a Catholic university. She also stated that while at this university, she had to buy her own toilet paper. I asked her why she couldn't have just snatched some from a cleaning cart....
Caveman
Just saw a guy with a church bumper sticker and a CAVEMAN vanity plate on his truck. Tell me you’ve been arrested for domestic violence without saying it.
Fried rice syndrome
I’ve decided to gamble with my life. Got some salted fish and chicken fried rice from Hong Kong Star last night and forgot to put the leftovers in the fridge. Still ate it this morning. While trying...
Aaron Rodgers, Stay Away
I Am Asking Aaron Rodgers, Once And For All, To Leave My Team The Fuck Alone: You don’t build yourself a fancy new house and then paint it in diarrhea.
Charming trade scenario
Quentin Grimes Is The Tragicomic Protagonist Of The Terminal NBA Season: ... I am charmed by a trade that could turn out to have hurt both teams while helping a player's career in the process.
Oily bag of brain rot
The Billionaire Boycott Conundrum: Elon Musk is an oily bag of brain rot in barely human form, who richly deserves the scorn of history, but he did us all a real solid by having his companies be ones...
Burr on Musk
Bill Burr saying what we all think about Elon Musk: “That guy, who evidently is a Nazi. Like, I just refuse to believe that it was an accidental, two-times Sieg heil, and he does it at a presidential...
Annoying cat behaviors
An Interview With My Cat About His Most Annoying Behaviors: We often quote a decade-old Adam Serwer tweet about his own cats: Management doesn’t need a union. Something else I wanted to bring up: It...
Really seeing
Shannon Sharpe had a deep quote on his podcast today: Some things can only be seen through eyes that have cried.
Daily bread
Talking to my pal E: Me: I'm here now. Was just finishing up making my morning bread E: morning bread?! just butter, or jam or what Me: This ain't the kind of bread you eat. It's the kind that gets...
Scaring DOGE
What do you do if DOGE shows up at your agency offices? Invite some girls over so those nerds get nervous and lock themselves in the bathroom to watch porn.
Retire for the evening
To a friend at the end of the day: Great minds think alike. I am also going to retire to my parlor to contemplate the day's labors.
Fleeing to the Eastern lands
I had a convo with my pal K, who I thought was Australian, about our options if things get really bad in the US. Me: Hey, at least you and I have other countries to head to if things go really...
Sick freaks
From a now-deleted Reddit post: I stumbled onto this subreddit looking for tips on running a basic Plex server, and holy shit, you people are insane. Instead of finding normal humans, I find complete...
At the flower shop
I once had an argument with my wife on like a Friday morning. I go to the Hyvee flower shop after work, and it's just me and 3 other dudes in line.One of them asks, "All of you in trouble with your...
Foe of the provably true
Aaron Rodgers's Jets Tenure Ended In True Jets Fashion: His mistake (well, his most enduring, anyway) was in thinking that because he was him, he could raise the Titanic with a spoon. He didn't make...
Hating on the Chiefs
My pal, who I always accuse of hating on the Chiefs, was sending me messages about how bad the team looked. He also lives in Denver and went to UNC for grad school. So I sent him these replies: I...
Salesforce AI means no free will
Salesforce Is Using A Hallucination To Sell AI: ... why—for the love of God, why—would McConaughey let himself be seated outside during this downpour? Why has he decided to be complicit in his own...
Ujiri
Masai Ujiri Continues His Baffling Wing Collection: Ujiri seemed to enjoy team-building under an Oulipo constraint.
Unstable
The Future Is Too Easy: There is something unstable at the most basic level about any space with too much capitalism happening in it.
Why the Jaguars suck
This is a compilation of the best Jaguars comments from Drew Magary and others on Deadspin and Defector. Why Your Team Sucks 2013: Jacksonville Jaguars: Interest in the Jaguars is wholly subsidized...
Unhappy Enthusiast
I also feel this way sometimes. The Unhappy Enthusiast
We know what this is about
This is a story Jon Bois posted on Bluesky. well, this was rude, and i’m not sure where it came from, but i can’t help but think of another time someone was rude to me for reasons i couldn’t explain....
Siccness
Told my pal who said he couldn't join us because he was sick to listen Season of Da Siccness by Brotha Lynch Hung and that we were all sorry he was sicc.
Pleasantries
On a former friend: I only exchange pleasantries with pleasant people.
Oprah
Told my pal who's into conspiracy theories who wasn't biting on a conspiracy I was telling her about: You believe Oprah is a real life Thanos, but this is a bridge too far?
Jimmy Butler's nonsense
Jimmy Butler is a Toxic Ex: Butler is not a people pleaser. He’s not for everybody. On the one hand, he strikes me as a no-nonsense guy. On the other hand, he tends to bring about a good deal of...
3rd and 48
The Raiders were so trash that they once ended up with a 3rd and 48 against the Chiefs In true Raiders fashion, they were driving toward the wrong end zone.
Work email bingo
Argentine antique shop
Fatherless behavior
SQL query for happiness, pt. 2
Ingredients for 21 year old Muneer to have a great time: ~~~SQL WITH stripclub AS (SELECT FROM world.gentlemansclubs WHERE dancer.status != 'pregnant' AND cover.charge IS NULL), WITH shawtys AS...
Old Dry Keith
Keep us humble
Why The Chiefs Suck
This is a compilation of the best Chiefs comments from Drew Magary and others on Deadspin and Defector. Why Your Team Sucks: Kansas City Chefs: When I think of pointless American cities, my first...
Santa John Daly
From Sports Memery: According to legend, if you leave 6 boneless wings and a couple of loose cigarettes on your kitchen table on Christmas night, a visibly sweaty John Daly will forcefully enter your...
Altoona style pizza
Brunch's real purpose
Talking to a pal about groups of women going to brunch: Brunch before everytone's married are strategy sessions on how to lock down dudes. On women's friendships: Women's friendships are exhausting...
Vegan principles
Doesn’t killing humans go against the principles of Casa Diablo Vegan Strip Club?? Video shows DJ at Portland vegan strip club allegedly stabbed by dancer
Exotic photos
Talking to a friend about Barron Trump: Do we think he think he was sheltered enough that no one ever showed him Melania's more... exotic photos?
Cat is a turkey fiend
I Have Created A Turkey Fiend: Tuesday morning she posts up, staring intensely at me, swishing the tip of her tail in frustration. She is not meowing. She is locked in. She is furious. I do not think...
You wanted to be in the game
My pal Steve about my soon to be ex brother-in-law: For christmas, you should get him a leisure suit, some white shoes and a medallion, drop it in front of him and say, "you wanted to be in the game,...
Stovetop stuffing
In college, me and my roommates were looking for stuff to buy that was cheap and would be filling. We happened upon Stovetop stuffing. Once we made it, we immediately went back out and bought enough...
Work, work, work
Dude, when I worked for JPMorgan, I remember reading something that chilled me to my core. The intranet had an article that was something like "A Day in the Life of An Analyst". It was meant to...
Professional painter
When I was living with my parents after law school, I was forced to help with painting a room. It was mostly me sitting there, not being able to do anything because if I wasn't paying full attention,...
Aussie battler
Business in the Front, Party in the Back: > Can anyone explain why the Ute is popular in Australia? I don't know for certain, so I'm just theorizing here. My guess is it's basically nothing more than...
Old school tough guy
Sheed and Stack in the Big Apple: Stackhouse is poker-faced, but approachable — and yet he’s always been considered an old-school tough guy who shouldn’t be crossed under any circumstances.
Why can't we be better?
The American Nightmare Is A Rerun: Young voters do not look at our politics and see any good guys," a pollster told Semafor in May. "They see a dying empire led by bad people." I am tired of hearing...
Uncle Cecil
I know of a shadowy figure known only as 'Uncle Cecil' through my former barber. Uncle Cecil was selling specially programmed Amazon Fire sticks that could get you access to all the legacy cable...
Problem solving without moral constraints
This Is the Dark, Unspoken Promise of Trump’s Return: For those bewildered by why so many Americans apparently voted against the values of liberal democracy, Balint Magyar has a useful formulation....
Yahoo boys
I was in the Dubai airport in 2006, and they had a kiosk with computers for travelers to use. Saw a dude with 5 Yahoo Messenger windows open, video chatting to various women. I admired his hustle and...
Whimsy
I told a pal that I would storm her beach wedding if I wasn't invited. She told me there was no way I'd ever do it. I replied, "Hey, I'm a person with the 2 things needed to make this happen:...
Guiding the family
I had a former friend who said that he felt that the man needs to guide all the women in the family. And then I was like, "Well then who's guiding them, cuz you ain't a real man."
New ways to pay
Yesterday, in addition to this country proving it's racist and stupid, Missouri passed ballot measure to legalize sports betting and protect abortion rights. I can't help joking in my grief so I told...
Democrats are not progressive
The Democrats are a center right party. They abandoned being progressive when Jimmy Carter got smoked by Ronald Reagan in 1980. Bill Clinton put forth many policies that were conservative, like...
God's problem now
Robert Adolph Boehm Obituary: Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on...
We call it begging
Shortly after I got to the US, a bunch of kids at school said it was Halloween night and that they were so excited to get some candy. My ears perked up and I asked them for more info. They explained...
Agile hate
My company recently started working in Agile. I've been in pseudo-Agile environments before, aka a bunch of little waterfalls that management wants to think is Agile. This post gave me some food for...
Ruining Caucasian futures
Spreadsheet hate
I agree with everything in this post. I Will Fucking Dropkick You If You Use That Spreadsheet: But that is a mere sane engineer, the first to die in the revolution, and when you have seen enough of...
Dedication to failure
Has the AL Central suddenly become competent? Or are all 4 teams other than Chicago being in the playoff hunt a function of the White Sox having a tireless dedication to failure?
Scorn and disdain when you lose parlays
If You Must Gamble, Gamble In Person, Like An Adult: This seems like old-coot reasoning, but there is a fundamental difference between watching your money grow or diminish on your phone and having to...
Big catch
Love how disgusted this dude looks about his huge catch.
Dan Campbell's Advice to Kevin O'Connell
From the geniuses at Sports Memery: After a heated NFC North battle, Kevin O'Connell and Dan Campbell met at midfield for the customary post-game handshake. O'Connell, smiling, extended his hand,...
Nihilist dog
My dog the nihilist: On the rare occassion, he'll pretend he has an injured paw. Two separate trips to the vet revealed he was faking it, probably to get out of doing dog stuff, like go for walks and...
Calm down, MAGA
It's not only the money
Inception is a documentary
People at my work out here like, "I remember watching a documentary called Inception in the early 2010s. Why does our company not use this technology yet?"
Slabbed cards
After discussing how much graded sports cards could be worth, I told a friend: This has only one ending. I'll be found sleeping on a bench in a bus terminal. I'll be clutching my hobo satchel,...
Gambling pride flag
Worst thing involving jets and NYC
Scrape out joy
Hokusai circuit board
1500 hour board game
The Notorious Board Game That Takes 1,500 Hours To Complete: He’ll happily admit that this was an unreasonable game for unreasonable people... He and his friends played for exactly one session,...
Bulk rice purchase
From Twitter: OMG my brother in law, the gift that never stops giving, was tired of being sent to get rice every day so he decided buy in bulk, talked to the shop about it, wires got crossed, now...
Kid Rock's fans
From Threads: Kid Rock makes music for dudes who get outraged when other people’s students loans are forgiven but are themselves about three years behind on paying child support.
Toxic boss's target
From Threads: Toxic bosses rarely change. They just change targets. You are never safe, even if you think it could never happen to you because you’ve been “accepted” in the in group. You are never...
Orcas
I love me some orcas:
Wade Davis' service to the game
After the Royals' series win today, it feels like other teams will try to copy the Royals' pitching approach. The table is set for a repeat of the Rockies’ $50 million bullpen from 2016-19. Wade...
Cragislist law snippets
re: Question for Cops and Detectives: ... you feel dirty, jaded, and afraid for people you love afterwards. One particular murder has given me a life long aversion to eating ribs. I always think of a...
Maikel Garcia
Joe Sheehan dropping hot fire: Garcia had a .281 OBP this year and bats ninth because there is no tenth.
Craigslist life advice
These are a couple of good primers for both men and women. Advice to Young Men from an Old Man: 1. Don’t pick on the weak. It’s immoral. Don’t antagonize the strong without cause, its stupid. 2....
Royals' playoff sweep graphics
The Royals' social media team is elite
Face eating leopards
Low trust
Trump Can Still Win: Trump flourishes in this environment where nothing and everything is true. He speaks the brain-dead language of low-trust. And that’s the language a lot of the country speaks.
About a Kevina
Kevina thinks any event with a 1 in 20 chance is so unlikely it can't happen, and that an odd number can be exactly divisible by 4 if it is large enough (I will include her proof in the comments) :...
Litmus tests
Denny Carter on why Dem's need to adopt litmus tests too. I Stared Into The Abyss Of The Democratic Party And All I Got Was This Anxiety: Litmus tests would mean piece of shit villains like Joe...
Girl and Megamind team up
Torment me for years then take my brother's best friend away? Be ready for our revenge.: I will preface this by saying that this story is long, and I was not the mastermind to all the revenge that...
American jobs
Frantic Bathroom Deletion Hat: ... Ken ranting about Iranians taking American jobs like undermining faith in elections.
Putting it delicately
Kenny Williams implied how deeply he dislikes Tony LaRussa in the best way. An owner who ‘thinks he knows everything’ led the White Sox to historic disaster: Asked about La Russa’s nearly two seasons...
Insinuate myself into their lives
In response to a person talking about meeting a family that owns a castle she went to in the UK: I will visit them. I wish to insinuate myself into their lives and find any treasures their ancestors...
That's not getting done
Like 8 months after I left my last job, one of my pals sent me a screenshot of some old project that was getting resurrected.
Aramark Ribs are not keto friendly
A few years ago, my friend said she was on the keto diet. At lunch that day, I walked into the breakroom and saw her crushing a plate of Aramark ribs. I had to be the one to tell her that the sauce...
SQL query for happiness
I made the following SQL based joke: My list of places you need to bring something back from is as follows: ~~~SQL SELECT FROM world.stores LEFT JOIN world.gentlemensclubs Wait, wait, I forgot my...
Don't confirm idiocy
A co-worker once told me, in reference to a junior employee who did a task without asking all the proper questions, and then tried to make excuses for it: It's better to keep your mouth shut and let...
Andy Dalton, Chameleon
From Sports Memery: We’ve long established that Andy Dalton is the best quarterback currently playing in the NFL. His command of the field, sharp instincts, and ability to rally any team he leads...
Landing a plane using the Force
Shogun’s excellent TV show made me go back and play the videogame adaptations, here's how they broke me as a man: I played an emulated version of this game with no manual, which felt roughly...
Gambling crazed CJ Abrams
Nationals End Season By Demoting Leadoff Hitter Who Was In A Casino Until 8:00 A.M.: Poverty, they say, affords moral clarity. Nasim Nuñez, with all due respect, is not taking the Nationals anywhere...
Have to keep capitalism tightly controlled
Unions Can Fix What's Broken: We are all lonely participants in this atomized world. The anomie of modern life and all that. Isolated by our cars and inhuman urban design and the collapse of...
Everyone's private struggle
Jaguars Junction: Bye Week: As we look ahead, let us all resolve to treat one another with a greater degree of understanding. Each of us is engaged in his own private struggle. None of us are mere...
Buzz Aldrin's real reasons for going to the moon
Cats' complacency
Cat with an iron fist
Good brother
From a memes on Tumblr: Tell me a soft memory My oldest brother is 10 years older than me. When I was in first grade, he took me shopping for new school clothes which was huge because, as the...
Consequences
Try me
Sneering tone
You Can Probably Eat More Yogurt Than You Think: My writing tends to tackle important policy issues with an analytical fearlessness that some have described as “unbearable” or “possessing the...
Being properly appreciated
Jaguars Junction: Week 15: I chose not to attend the game after all, for the same reason that a professional “storm chaser” might not volunteer to plow headlong into a deadly twister: Because...
Kirk Cousins
First off, don't be out here disrespecting Kirko Chainz: --- Second, I no longer believe Justin Jefferson became the best receiver in the league because of a desire to be excellent. It was actually...
Fraudulent power
I'm going to get a Richard Hidalgo jersey to celebrate the early 2000s Astros. Like Enron, his power was also fraudulent.
Justice in this world
I love Hamilton Nolan's writing. Jaguars Junction: Week 17: As mankind evolves past a belief in an omnipotent god, we must inevitably face the question: Whence does justice arise? For if there is no...
Life philosophy
To a friend: Your life is dictated by leisurely pursuits.
Scott-Foresman Book Covers
I loved these covers when I got these books from school as a kid:
I'm the captain now
There are so many articles about Trump's utter failure at the debate. These are some of my favs: A Handshake To End the Race: Striding toward Trump and shaking his hand was a move of pure domination...
Bookmaking work fights
In response to people proposing a fight in the parking lot beside the office, and being told my bookmaking was not a valid concern: There are gentlemen with mozzarella and garlic on their breath who...
We are frighteningly stupid
Kareem Abdul Jabbar said the following about Trump voters: This election has made me more afraid for the future of the United States than any previous election. Not simply because Trump is running,...
Lions and hunters
Shannon Sharpe said the following on the Wednesday episode of Nightcap: Until the lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter.
Stop hiring idiots
When I first got into the data analysis field. We had an engineer who had built a database and the project leads kept saying "We need to make it idiot proof". The dude got sick of it and yelled,...
Thanking the Raiders fans
When I went to a game in LV last year, I thanked all the Raiders' fans for Josh McDaniels' service in destroying 2 of the 4 organizations in the AFC West. Made the Chiefs' job a lot easier.
Handsy turnover addict
End This Farce: I also know that the Browns allowed late-season 2023 starter Joe Flacco to leave the team in free agency, and then replaced him with handsy turnover addict Jameis Winston.
Undecided voters' real motivations
GOP trick
One of the most impressive feats the GOP pulled off was convincing the poor that they should care about rich people issues. I remember once I was sitting with my father in law, who's a Boomer. He...
Left needs to play the game
It's Time For Left-Wing Wrestlemania Politics: The Democratic Party must purge itself of its technocratic tendencies and embrace a purely emotional approach to politics. The party has to stop...
Easy to hate
We Get Our Violence in High-Def Ultra Realism: These images being beamed into their rotten brains are saying softly that they were right all along about These People, that you should not feel bad...
The fake cricket league
This story is wild. Just goes to show that you need to do your research before putting your wagers down. The Fake Indian Cricket League Created for Real Online Betting: The tournament was also listed...
Sanewashing Trump
I couldn't put my finger on it before. It now makes sense. I totally agree that the mainstream media makes Trump seem a lot smarter and more coherent than he actually is. It's a travesty and shows...
Stumping the Help Desk
NBA nicknames
They're wrong for that Drew Gooden nickname! Is hunting for big NBA free agents obsolete? Plus, remembering the wildest Mavericks trades: You can see Lamar Mundane there for Ellis, along with Silent...
John Roberts hates brown people voting
GW Bush's third most harmful act, behind the Iraq War and allowing the assault weapons ban to expire, was nominating Roberts and Alito to the Supreme Court. Roberts’s Rule of Disorder in Voting...
Rotten to the core
How Biden’s Court Reform Proposals Could Work—if the Court Would Let Them: The Trump court has been the most ethically compromised court in American history—based, at least, on the receipts we have...
Yearn for the mines
Bipartisanship Is BS
Kyrsten Sinema is the Democrat Kelly Loeffler. She got one taste of power and suddenly couldn't sell out her principles fast enough. This article makes a larger point, which is that Democrats'...
Rev
Seeing as I have had a direct line to the lord since pushing the Submit button on the Universal Life Church's website in 2007, I will put in a good word with the big guy.
Stray thoughts on patriotism
I've never fully understood why people can get so patriotic. This article may explain why. Stray Thoughts On Patriotism: Patriotism is the last vestige of a scoundrel. The worst, most shameless...
Reading Workflow
Here's the complicated way I track what I want to read. 1. If I want to read something every day or want to see it soon after it's posted or sent: a. I send it to a service called Omnivore. b. They...
Laugh at Them, Pt. 4
Finally, the Democrats Have Found Trump’s Achilles’ Heel: Ridicule Him: ... it must drive Trump nuts, and when he goes nuts, he says especially nutty things ... it’s arguably more persuasive to swing...
Losing the culture wars
Color me shocked. People don't want to go backwards socially. We need to shame and humiliate all the culturally regressive extremists who have taken over the GOP. Don't even get me started on Moms...
Trump the Golden Calf
The religious people who worship Trump would know they're repeating the story of the golden calf if they ever bothered to read the Bible. Trump TV Hosts At Rally Claim Bible Proves God Saved Trump:...
Disturbs my labors
I was joking around with a friend at work about how I should get my own floor at the office. They were moving tons of people to a new building: I'll have reception ring me when someone wants to...
Trump is nuts
'Very unpopular': Editor of conservative outlet admits 'weak' Trump is 'definitely nuts': Wright noted that throughout Trump's time in the White House, he won by a razor's edge in 2016, never enjoyed...
Bewildered Trump
In the least surprising news to date, Trump is lazy, undisciplined, and complaining about how unfair this election is. When him and his supporters talk about easily triggered liberal snowflakes, it's...
Trump is unhinged
Is Trump OK? Unhinged reaction to rise of Harris worries supporters: Since Harris assumed the mantle of the presumptive Democratic candidate, Trump has claimed to be better-looking than the...
Using racist precedents
Anyone who says the GOP isn't racist is stupid or a liar. GOP group claims Kamala Harris is ineligible to be president due to Dred Scott decision: In an official resolution, the National Federation...
Trump doesn't know Project 2025
Trump can't shake ties to Project 2025—and it's driving him nuts: The denial is in bright blue and red letters: “Straight from Trump’s Platform,” it says. “NOT PROJECT 2025, WHICH TRUMP DIDN’T WRITE...
Can't take the heat
Maggie Haberman Says Trump ‘Clearly Jarred’ by Harris’s Rise: “Look, he’s very reactive in all things when he is not in command,” Haberman replied. “And we have seen this over the course of the last...
MD-OG
Everyone knows I'm the MD-OG. Nice try!
Boomer housing advice, Pt. 2
Talking to someone about Boomers telling everyone why they can't afford a house: Anyone who's telling you you should have bought earlier is likely a Boomer. Those people were born on 3rd base and...
Inferring meaning
I remember once UBK said that I was being unfair to him because I was inferring meanings from what he said. I told him, "If you have a hidden agenda or alternate meaning for the words you say, then...
Gumbo
Passionate art
Voter demographics
Pundits have been saying that the GOP is on the brink of demographic collapse since the Obama years. Here's the most recent example from Cassidy Steele Dale: Three authors at the Hoover Institution...
Relationship with the Lord
Motley Cruber
Things I trust more than Trump
I'm going to win anyway, right?
Trump doesn't want to have an election because he's leading, Kamala led a coup, and other fascist reasons: You know, they do polls on this stuff, and I’m at like 93%. I said, so why are we having an...
Grandma's advice
A Pretty Good Lyft
This was a really cool story that Mike Rowe posted to Facebook: Last week in Baltimore, Uber charged me $85 for a trip that usually costs $20. I looked into the way their "surge pricing" model...
Best out of office message
Parking notice
Trying to focus the unfocusable
Asking Trump to change and become more serious is the dumbest form of wishful thinking possible: The New York Times reported over the weekend that Trump told "rattled donors" he thinks "I was right"...
Planning another coup
The crowd size talk is him trying to lay the groundwork for another coup. His cult will be more than willing to oblige. Bernie Sanders said it best: Donald Trump may be crazy, but he’s not stupid....
Advisory about Trump
No to Knope politics
I began reading Denny Carter for his fantasy football articles, but he's fast becoming one of my favs on politics Democrats Are Saying No to Leslie Knope Politics: Clinton was treating voters as...
You are memorable
Positive hoodie
The GOP after Trump
What happens to the Republican Party if Trump is defeated?: But it’s just as likely that something even worse emerges. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned from the modern conservative...
Harris campaign's trolling
I love the fact that Kamala Harris has shifted the Dems' messaging from "we have to fear Trump and the master plan he has to ruin us" to "look at this weird, doddering old criminal who doesn't ever...
Baez, Pt. 2
Baez's dark powers can counteract anything the Epstein cabal can come with. Dude has repeatedly gotten the guiltiest people freed. I think he's made a real life deal with the devil Robert Kardashian...
2 pistols
Rejecting bad faith
I'm tired of the Democrats' weird dedication to civility and bi-partisanship when it hasn't been reciprocated at any point in the last 50 years. All the Dems have done is become a center-right party...
Nazi bar
Why you shouldn't allow any extremists into your establishment: I was at a shitty crustpunk bar once getting an after-work beer. One of those shitholes where the bartenders clearly hate you. So the...
Tim Walz is the man loser MAGA guys can never be
When your entire identity is trying to be hypermasculine while blindly following a preening, vain narcissist, there's bound to be some cognitive dissonance: Tim Walz is the negation of the...
Minshew's cologne
Supreme Court: The GOP's law firm
We all know that the Supreme Court is now a MAGA apparatus. Trump is planning to use the courts to challenge any loss, no matter how large the margin. Between 1982 and 2017, the RNC was subject to a...
Turkish shooter
This is an untrue, but hilarious story about Yusuf Dikec, the shooting gold medalist from Turkey: "... he was an ex-mechanic who became a world-renowned shooter after a bitter divorce. The picture...
Silver linings
One positive bit of news about The Devil: She was seeing a dude for a year. He broke up with her the week of her surgery. I am happy when bad people are sad. Also, my pal who also worked for The...
Did he say that out loud?
Chris LaCivita has said the quiet part out loud: “It’s not over until he puts his hand on the Bible and takes the oath. It’s not over until then. It’s not over on Election Day, it’s over on...
Juggalo
Any of you ever just stay social media friends with someone because they post all their drama and it's the type of train wreck you can't look away from? Well, this dude Mike had a Juggalo wedding....
Texas obituaries
People in Texas keep it real at all times: I used to review Texas obituaries for a living and these are some of my favorite lines describing people who were apparently awful during their lifetimes:...
Impeach the justices
Impeaching Alito and Thomas will not succeed. That's not the point here. We need to shine a light on their corruption and underscore that no one is unaccountable to society. For too long, Democratic...
Judge Judy
Back when I was an attorney, people would try to explain what the law on a topic was. I would say, "You know what? You're totally right. I went to law school for 3 years, you've been watching Judge...
Playing the villain
I would enjoy this game very much: imagine a video game where you create a hero whose destiny is to save everyone, but throughout the game you start making harder and more questionable decisions, and...
Can't change a leopard's spots
What's he going to reset it to? Not being a racist, not being a liar, and being a decent human? Trump tries to reset his campaign after brutal month: Privately, Trump has suggested he understands...
Others living my dreams
Laugh at them, Pt. 3
JD Vance Memes About His Weird, Far-Right Policies Are Actually Fine: "Mocking the Vances of the world online and calling them “weird” angers and defangs them. It lessens their grip on us and reveals...
Seeing behind the dirty curtains
Alito and Clarence Thomas are the main reasons we need Supreme Court term limits. Alito has long given off an air of vexation, even as he is regularly in the majority with his conservative ideology....
Church or club
Florida teams
Florida's MLB teams are a vehicle to steal money from a mentally addled populace.
Bryan Hoeing
There's now a player on the Padres named Bryan Hoeing. Please let his number be 69. If it is, I'm buying my first authentic MLB jersey.
Laugh at them, Pt. 2
I've been trying to figure out how to effectively deal with Trump supporters. I think the best way to go is to point out how dumb their ideas are. Ridicule their words mercilessly. Point out how...
A favor for a favor
My political depression problem — and ours
My Political Depression Problem—and Ours: This is why I now describe the history of conservatism as a ratchet. It must always move in an invariably more authoritarian direction, with no possible end...
Clap back at overwork
Ghoulosphere
Many thanks to the extremists at the Heritage Foundation for finally creating a policy platform that goes too far for the average voter, no matter how uninformed they are. Who Wants To Talk About The...
Wisdom of Steve
These are some hilarious quotes from my pal Steve: A prophet can find honor anywhere but his own country. Can someone please start a Police tribute band called "The Authorities?" Consider opening a...
Grindr at the RNC
Whenever someone is too for or against something, I am instantly suspicious. And it's stuff like the party that hates all gays crashing the #1 gay hookup app that proves me correct every time.
78 year old criminal
I love this so much. We need to call him out for all the crazy things he says and does: /images/harris.jpg)
MILF Hunter
How little do your teammates respect you that one of them gladly signs a jersey clowning you? <blockquote class="tiktok-embed" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@kingkareem/video/7127337290732555563"...
Hard lessons
I said to someone at work who told us about drinking at a work function: I feel that statement is hard fought wisdom, gained at great personal cost.
Kareem on Trump
Kareem Abdul Jabbar describes Trump exactly how I’ve wanted to: ... a person for whom no rational, moral, or patriotic person could vote.
Kamala needs to be aggressive
The Dems need to stop clinging to some stupid set of unwritten rules about civility while the GOP doesn’t give a crap about any of that stuff. I want a bulldog who gives Trump nicknames, laughs in...
God's fear
Gentrified lean
Angry water
Butthair
Liberalism vs leftism
This was a succinct explanation of how to separate the people who want to attack each other and one up each other's liberal credentials vs. people who actually want progressive government:...
The book of Destiny's Child
Apple time
Starbucks fan fic
This Starbucks fan fic is such a great story: Actual conversation I had at register: “Hi, welcome to Starbucks! What can I get you, today?” “How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?” “I- I’m...
Royals celebration graphics
Karens in the wild
Packs of wild karens can often be found at Applebee's brunch, one of their last remaining natural habitats. There is an underlying aggression amongst the pack as each karen tries to assert dominance...
Never discuss cheese
Hyundai safety
Hyundai makes the safest cars out there. Can't get into an accident if the car can't leave the garage.
DeGaulle
I read a biography of Charles de Gaulle. Even though I hate France, I really admire him.
Bad decisions
The decision by the Supreme Court shows they are an official arm of the MAGA machine: To the extent that John Roberts ever imagined himself as a meaningful check on Trump’s power, that version of...
Grizzled gangstas
Me and some pals agreed that "The game is fraught with greed, betrayal and duplicitousness at every turn." When my best friend heard about this, he said we sounded like some grizzled gangstas.
Bedouin camp
My friend told us he's going to have to go camping with his son's scout troop. I said he needs to do the following: Man, you need to take your own tent over there. Set it up like a Bedouin king....
Pakistan cricket coach in danger
There is a very concerning storyline I'm tracking about the Pakistan cricket coach after the World Cup loss to the USA:
Begone Datacamp
I shan’t be updating data types in Excel, DataCamp. Begone with your foolishness.
Open a new front
Idiots seem so happy
MAGA business
What better way to combine government waste, MAGA cult worship and child care than baby gates built out of those pieces of the border wall that have fallen down and are just lying around? I'll also...
I know how this ends
My friend told me "BFFR,bro" after I said I wouldn't get Netflix. I replied: I am ostracized and excluded because I have violated the group norms. I've seen nature documentaries. I know how this...
Run me my money
Back in the summer after sophomore year at KU, my friend D said he needed to borrow money for a few days to pay his rent, and I'd have it right back. I stupidly gave him the money and then he...
Supernatural
A couple of friends at work were talking about a TV show, and one of them was watching the exact scene the other had started talking about: There are supernatural powers at play here. I don't like...
Diamond headed canes
I wish the Black Sox had this much swag. Gambling For Life: Need—and a little bit of reasonable resentment—was a motivator of one of sports’s earliest gambling crises, this one arriving in just the...
Reggaetoneros
When the weather turns warm, the hearts of reggaetoneros like me wander to San Juan, Medellin or perhaps Santo Domingo.
Too impressionable
I'm too impressionable for this type of content. The evangelicals warned me about the dangers of a godless world.
2A journey
Told my friend when he was talking about getting a new gun: Please purchase a Rambo style bandolier. This is a turning point in your 2nd Amendment journey.
Cut your hair
In S1 of Jersey Shore, Angelina threatens the Situation by saying, "Yo, I will cut your hair while you're sleeping." I began saying this to everyone as my standard threat/promise to them. I once said...
Recreational bettor
Talking to a friend at work about betting: I am only a recreational bettor now, no different from the average joe at the dog track.
Ruin my life
I was watching an Instagram reel of some Bama sorority girls doing a choreographed dance where they were showing off their formal outfits. Someone commented, “I’d let the second one ruin my life.”
AITA for getting my bro a car
This is a great story about a man trying to show his appreciation for the parentified brother who raised him: Hello again! I'm sorry if this is hard to follow English isn't my first language. So to...
Setting the mood
She's So High was the beginning of my transition into the outspoken feminist I am today I got the MP3 of that song from Napster and put it on one of the first mix CDs I ever burned. It was my...
Stats analogy
This quote hits too close to home: Most people use statistics like a drunk man uses a lamppost; more for support than illumination.
How the Treaty of Versailles created Israel
Humans have been terrible to each other since the dawn of time. It's one of the things we do best. The real villains here are the Western European countries. If they hadn't had WWI, then
Subscribed to the audacity
Best line today: They have a recurring Amazon subscription to the audacity!
an exhaustively researched compilation of the greatest black erotic thrillers ever made
an exhaustively researched compilation of the greatest black erotic thrillers ever made, i.e. the reason i still pay full price for a subscription to starz ! This is a classic Samantha Irby banger....
Make it rain, Pt. 2
I told a pal to get me some money from the ATM since she was getting some. When she asked why, I told her it was to make it rain on a co-worker. She asked why. I replied, "Raining money on him and...
Arby's
Doing it all night long
I know Bill Cosby is cancelled, but Cosby Show had some iconic moments. There was one where Rudy was singing about "doing it all night long". A very concerned Bill Cosby asks her what she thinks that...
Memphis cat
What I really said
This comment from Reddit is epic: I had recess duty a few years ago. A kindergarten girl came running over with another girl right after her and said “She called me the b-word.” When I asked the...
Les Mis
The only movie I recall seeing in 2012 was Les Miserables. I still maintain that if inmates were forced to sit in a room and watch the song where Anne Hathaway shaves her head on a loop, it would be...
The Adventures of Mamaw
Tip of the iceberg
A friend was telling me about a wild group of people she know. One of them named his dog after an ex. As I was getting more info, I said the following: Unless he was also romantically involved with...
Law breakin' hunnies
When my pal told me about mugshawtys on Instagram: Come on. Who you tellin? You know I've been checking mugshawtys for all the fine, law breakin' hunnies for a while now.
Becoming civilized
I was telling a pal about how my wife got me to appreciate musical theater: I was once Tarzan, she transformed me into Lord Greystoke.
Performance evaluations
Professor Gorilla
Tooth fairy
Waste of my medicine
From a meme: Normalize ADHDers being able to say "this is a waste of my medicine" during work meetings
Laugh at them
Why have we become estranged?
Once, I hadn't talked to a pal for the entire day, so I IM'd her, "Why have we become estranged?" Popped up right in the middle of a presentation. The others on the call were like, "That's an odd...
Deep magic
Miette
Respect black elders
The murals
My friend's sister in law refused to let them sell their house in KC after moving to Seattle unless there was a clause in the sales contract preventing the new owners from painting over 2 murals in...
Arranged marriage
Back before I met my white American wife, my parents were allegedly looking for an arranged marriage for me. I said fine because it's not like I was meeting anyone I liked on my own. Then I found out...
Olivia/Sabrina
Baez The Legal Witch
I'm convinced that Jose Baez is a law witch, tapped into the dark magic that exists in this world. The only conspiracy theory I wholly believe and that I personally created is that Baez convinced...
Delonte West conspiracy theory
My fav weird NBA conspiracy theory is that Lebron left Cleveland the first time because a teammate of his named Delonte West was having an affair with his mom and then actively destroyed Delonte's...
Toyota Corolla
I love this ad so much: You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999...
From barbarian to Trojan
Someone told me that they wouldn't set up a user account because I used a bad pun: Looks like I'll have to switch my approach from "barbarian at the gates" to "Trojan horse".
Kick in the door
Favorite snack
This has always been my favorite snack. BECAUSE ALL I DO IS HARVEST MY CHEDDAR!
Sunday Ticket
My pal had no issues getting NFL Sunday Ticket before getting married. They got married in May or June, and she was beefing about it when renewal time came around in September. I should have given...
Judge Bread
My destiny as an attorney was to become a corrupt judge nicknamed Judge Bread.
A's to Sacramento
The A's to Sacramento is a done deal. An MLB team will play in front of a 10000 person capacity crowd for the 2025-27 seasons. They get to share the stadium with the Giants AAA team. I'd see about...
Shota Imanaga
On Shota Imanaga's early season success: He's out here, throwing that gyro ball, confounding the gaijin with his mysterious Eastern ways.
The case for marrying old
This article makes it seem like marrying an old man is a new financial hack that has never been contemplated until now. While the article has some choice quotes, my favorite was someone else's quote...
Believe in nothing
My working theory is that since MAGAs and other nutcases define themselves by what they don't believe in, there's ample space for dissonant views. It's when you have to clearly define a set of...
Garnishing sports betting profits
Sports bettors everywhere got to be shook. Next phase of this: CPS agents storm the stage at the Outhouse and confiscate the tips from a dancer whose baby daddy got primary custody.
How did Shohei not know?
Craig Calcaterra is a sports writer and a lawyer. His analysis of the Shohei betting scandal was interesting to read. Wire transfers are not like paying for your DoorDash order with a credit card....
The 8 hour work day
Rockies Jumbotron
Inquisition time
One day, we were trying to figure out who had brought in some sweet treats and placed them in the break room at work. It was a complicated case. I IM'd a couple of friends: We must begin a Spanish...
Playstation
Ghost story
I really enjoyed this ghost story from agwitow: It just became second nature to close all the cupboards first thing in the morning (even though they’d been closed the night before). Which was when...
Hard to fight the truth
Just a joke?
Stealing jobs
White trap
Alarming aura of haughtiness
Mike Tanier with a banger An NFL Network report, later quoted by the New York Post, claimed that Judge and his Patriots pals “exuded an alarming aura of haughtiness” when addressing other coaches..."
Master class
I saw this quote and used it to describe a former friend: He is conducting a master class in how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The Americans who need chaos
This is unfortunately true of most of the MAGA cult. They can't get enough dopamine at home or in their normal lives, so they have to ruin everyone else's personal. The Americans Who Need Chaos:...
Finance > romance
The song "Bills, Bills, Bills" was the apex of a trend in 90s R&B when female singers were demanding that dudes pay all their bills. On the other hand, there were rappers bragging about stealing rent...
The empty Adderall factory
As someone who needs these medications, this is infuriating. I get the issue with the paperwork. But then send in overseers and make the company pay for them. The Adderall Shortage: Is One Factory...
On my mama
"On god" used to be "on my mama" back in my day. But I would promise anything on my particular mama's life, so I may have made some false promises and assertions.
Some things you can't hand wave away
White Monster
A pal of mine calls the White Monster Energy drink "The Donald Trump".
Acccusation = projection
I think that if a person is hyper religious, then they've got dark impulses that they're trying to keep at bay through faith. They need an external control on their behavior because they don't feel...
Hosmer
Back in the day, my pal Steve was driving through downtown at night. He saw a billboard whose lights were partially broken. What he did see were the words "Dinner with Hos for Father's Day." Had the...
Get out of jury duty
Foolproof way to get out of jury duty: 1. Park at the 15 min meter in front of the courthouse 2. Find the prosecutor doing voir dire on the case 3. Look at them and say, "Black Lives Matter". 4....
Minority rule
It's the root of all the Trumpism. Insecure white dudes unhappy about their fading relevance in society. Back in 2008, after Obama was elected, people started saying that a Republican may never get...
Social contract breakdown
I cannot go to any event where the social contract at risk of breaking down.
Hubris
I got a little overwhelmed with having to do too many things at once, and made a betting mistake. I explained it as follows to a pal: Now I'm out like $5 from these various errors. And I only have a...
Ominous positivity
Limits of your comprehension
I-35
Chiefs criminal
The Chiefs were all amped for the AFC Championship: Travis Kelce on wearing all black to the AFC Championship Game: 'Chris Jones made sure to tell everybody, Make sure you're wearing all black this...
This horse is beautiful
Using his gift for evil
Dragon slayers
Cat lore
Big Brother strategy
This is the best Big Brother strategy: ... building a shield of chaos and mistrust around himself to keep himself out of the inevitable line of fire to come when the House reunites after Thursday's...
Problem gambler strategy
Problem gamblers are built different.
Sister wants to walk down the aisle at my wedding. we use that to our advantage
This is a great tale about a woman getting back at her toxic family: Here I am, writing this long tale in my honeymoon, but it does feel cathartic to finally type it out, and my husband is more...
Megan the Horse
There's a hilarious moment in the Hulu show "Ramy" where the dad is listening to various popular songs and telling his wife what he thinks the hidden meanings are. Some Megan starts bumping and he...
Good Christians
Got rubbers?
When I first got to the US and started school, things were a bit rocky. One day, I needed to erase an error I had made on a worksheet. In Commonwealth countries, what we call an eraser here is called...
Ed Zitron on work
Manufacturing Consent For The Office: In any case, the problem with young people’s careers isn’t remote work - it’s the people they work for. If you are a manager that is giving an assignment to the...
Interpreting the Bible
In the book about the evangelical movement I'm reading, The Kingdom and the Glory by Tim Alberta, a pastor mentioned that he got a letter from someone saying they were going to another church because...
Real recognize real
Said this to a friend: Real recognize real and you're not too familiar.
Bad beats
2002 - I was in Vegas, pretty drunk, lost, and wondering up to a Roulette table. After a few Green 00 losses, I look up to my right and see D-Backs juiceball Louis Gonzales. Not wanting to be that...
Allegiance to the grind
Take the wheel
Told a friend this about letting go of control: Look, everyone already allows Jesus to take the wheel. The dark spirits probably have more time to provide focused guidance.
The travesty of liberalism
I've tried to articulate my view of liberalism for years, but this comment from Crooked Timber explains it perfectly: There is no such thing as liberalism — or progressivism, etc. There is only...
Fanatics fail
This is the only way that a Mahomes Broncos jersey will ever exist:
Hyperfocuses
From Twitter: Sometimes people ask me how I know all the random shit I know (with varying levels of politeness and belief in its veracity) and I all I got is > I have ADHD, an Internet connection,...
Can't explain empathy
Oakley
The first line from Charles Oakley's autobiography is "I didn't punch Charles Barkley, but I did slap the shit out of him." On brand.
Doing market research
I like how he abused his power to help do market research for his startup porn business. University chancellor says he was fired for producing and appearing in porn: Gow and his wife star in a...
Free food
I decided to buy lunch for my friends at the office. A pal of mine said she didn't want her allergies to be the reason we went to a specific place. I replied, "If anyone beefs about Cane's, I'll just...
Jags hat
My nephew is a huge Jags fan. I gave him a Jags hat last Xmas. I told him on Sunday that if Uncle Muneer's Jags bets don't pay out, I will repo the hat and throw it in the trash. Xmas this year will...
Adopt a kid for Xmas
I told my fellow gambler, about what he'd give to a child he'd agreed to get gifts for through a charity drive at work: You'll wrap up 5 of the Tootsie lollipops from the office kitchen with a note...
Love between the Big Bosses
Synod of nephews
What Do The Kansas City Royals Know About Shoulders?: An organization like the Rockies, which makes its sports decisions by incorporating the advice of a Synod Of Nephews and the writing on various...
House chores
There was a time my wife said I wasn't doing enough around the house and that she felt that she was carrying the entire load. After the initial emotions had soothed, we agreed to write down every...
Mama, i'm in love
In 2011, my wife came to me and asked, “Muneer, how can I explain our love to my friends and family?” I let her know that I had just the thing and asked her to sit them down and play this video....
Studying the wrong signals
Broncos got beat by a guy who studied his mom’s friends’ signals more than the playbook.
Arbitrary rules
I am in favor of creating and imposing arbitrary rule structures upon friends and loved ones.
Lauren Boebert
Lauren Boebert is female white privilege in sentient form.
Different approaches to domestic violence
This was a very hard read. All I can say is: believe women. A Raised Hand: There she filed a restraining order, telling the judge that her husband would kill her when he found her. But the judge...
Indian shuffle celebration
Who are you?
Jaguars Junction: Week 1 After all, who are you to question me? "Who am I?" you reply. "I am mother. I am father. I am sister. I am brother. I am woman. I am man. I am human. I am friend. I am lover....
Betting on my kid's Little League sports games
A great dad had an idea about how to make his kid's Little League games more interesting: So for any of you who have kids that play little league sports, you’re aware of how mind-numbingly exhausting...
Bullying by defending yourself
A kid's uncle takes care of a bully for him: When I was 8 years old my dad and brothers moved across the country. My brothers started high school while my dad started a new job. My mom and I stayed...
OOP leaves and her kids are raised by a wolfpack
This is a tale of a woman who left her kids for 7 years: Original post Saved version From the original poster: I (28F) have three kids with my ex (30M). We were never married, but we dated while I...
Starbucks caramel freak
This is a wild story about a woman who loves caramel a bit too much: It was a hot summer day in Southern California, I was ten minutes shy of finishing my shift at Starbucks and was super excited...
AITA for greatly increasing my husband's chores and dismissing his complaints after he called me a homemaker?
This is a great story about a woman pushing back on her toxic husband: Context: I work in my own start-up, husband John works in a movie theater. Before I started my company, we both had similar...
AITA for refusing to pay my daughter's sorority dues
A man is forced to teach his daughter a lesson: So my daughter is in a sorority, which I 100% supported. My wife and I paid for her dues and supported her when when she asked if we would be okay with...
Double talk
This is unfortunately true of a lot of religious folks. They live by the letter of the law, and ignore the intention. (I work with a pair of identical twins for the overstock night shift. They know...
Jaylen Brown Renaissance
This photo looks like Jaylen Brown is in a Michelangelo painting.
Spoiling my appetite
A few years ago, I was snacking on a Reese's Cup right before dinner at my in-laws' house. My nephew came to me and said, "How come you get to eat chocolate before dinner???" I told him, "When you...
Gave my soul
Brown Whale
When I went on a cruise with my in-laws, we had walkie talkies so we could talk to each other and plan what to do each day without having to meet up. I insisted on being called Brown Whale at all...
Tea Party progression
Anyone who says people shouldn't get "handouts" and nonsense like that are the first ones who are bewildered when something bad happens to them. Back when I was at the law firm, the calls I got the...
Apex mullets
My friend told me that there was a couple, man and woman, in a small town somewhere near McPherson or Wichita who wore matching San Francisco 49ers Starter jackets and rode around town on a...
Girlfriend running
Grandma cooking
Crypto grifters pivot to AI
This is a great two part look into why AI is a scam. Crypto collapse? Get in loser, we’re pivoting to AI – Attack of the 50 Foot Blockchain: ChatGPT, a chatbot developed by Sam Altman’s OpenAI and...
Accept your flowers
Pilot scheme
The pilots at some airline had what was called a non qualified 401k. That's where the company can fund it, but it goes poof if there's a bankruptcy. This airline had just gone bankrupt. Well, the way...
Vanity plate fail
Direct your energy
Man gets revenge on former bosses
Revenge Served Cold: Salesperson Climbs Ranks And Takes Down Former Managers Who Dismissed Him Early On This is a very satisfying story of a man who was able to screw over the managers who stole from...
Paying off the house
Paying off my mortgage made work much less stressful. I may not have FU money, but I do have F this money.
Iced coffee truth
So angry but so cute
Be part of the solution
Back in the day, when I was working at the law firm, I was the one who would go around and try to get a consensus on which restaurant we'd order lunch from. All people would tell me is what they...
Wu pool
Let's just be honest
Call coming from inside the house
Let's get this bread
Birdman
Foreclosure
I got a call from a dude whose house was going to get foreclosed on. He had gotten a loan and bought a house. He did not have a job or any discernible source of income at any time during this...
Emotionally invested
Do the right thing
I was trying to get people at the office to eat the rest of a cake I'd brought in: It's close to the end of the day. Some of us have sleep problems. You know what could help with that? A slice of...
Thunberg ethers the Alpha Bro
New Yorker Hokusai cover
Cattle rustling
A guy from my high school was arrested for cattle rustling in Olathe back in the mid 00's. He had fallen in with some people who were addicted to meth. He wasn't an addict, just not good at life....
Betting ban
I’ve been banned from all sports betting and related activities. It all started yesterday when I doubled my money on a bet Wife said that the frequency of my bets was accelerating. To be fair, I’d...
Alone on this barren earth
Hustle culture
Be better
I told my best friend about some ill advised financial moves that ended up working for me. His response, "I'm just saying, if you're going to be a full-on bro, don't be "invests sports bet money in...
Voting in a bra
Opposing counsel
Friend was getting harrassed by a Karen co-counsel. Told him, "You need to call her up and scream at her. Tell her she’s a piece of shit and that you won’t tolerate this type of behavior from a Tier...
Adopt all the kids
I was talking to Usama bin Kevin one time and asked him, "If you're so anti-abortion, then why don't you have 30 kids living at your house?" He replied, "What do you mean???" "You want these kids to...
Walter White is so toxic
Walter White was on one: Okay Walter White was actually pretty funny as a character bc he was so toxic that seasoned drug lords were like I cannot work w this man I have to put my mental health first
Drew Magary great lines
Drew Magary is one of my favorite writers. He has great lines all the time. Here are my favs: It’s Decided. I’m Moving To Arica, Chile.: ... if my kids were still three wanted to play peek-a-boo, I...
Korea's data driven approach to creating pop music stars
Factory Girls This is a fascinating look at how Korea algorithmically created a pop music industry out of thin air in 20 years.
Nancy Mace is a toxic boss
I worked for someone who was similarly toxic. I hope Mace and my ex-boss end up selling oranges on the side of a freeway on-ramp. Nancy Mace Is So Toxic That Her Entire Staff Ditched Her: “If she...
Killology
This guy is a maniac, and I'm convinced he's partially to blame for officers becoming so trigger happy. “Are You Prepared to Kill Somebody?” A Day With One of America’s Most Popular Police Trainers –...
Bob Denard
Bob Denard is a bad person, but this quote is too good: He met people who noticed that he was quite gifted for shady affairs...
Schooling the youth
I was banned from a friend's house for a few years because of an incident involving his son, who was like 6 at the time. I was playing sports with him. As his wife was bringing drinks out for us, I...
Urban lifestyle
The excitement of an urban lifestyle no longer has a strong appeal for me.
Competition
Friend's wife wanted to run for elected office, and he didn't want her to. I told him to do the following: Tell her you’ve converted to Islam and are searching for Wife #2. If Republicans have taught...
Gabby's vibe
I've really enjoyed Gabby not taking any BS this season: She’s deeply invested in the power of therapy and making men feel bad about themselves in a fun way. --- The Bachelorette Recap: Power Plays:...
Woman calling 911
So emotional
I loved how this woman dealt with an angry bully at work: So I'm an engineer and I'm working on a team with 7 decently chill guys and one guy with anger issues. Like he can't just have a respectful...
The shame of work
This is a great book review looking deeper into the obsession with work and work resisters. The Shame of Work: In its place was a somewhat nightmarish and dystopian warning call. The movie depicted...
I will confront you by Wednesday of this week
I love this email sent after a work holiday party from a boss to his employees: Several years ago, a reader shared with us this epic email that was sent by their company’s boss after a holiday party...
We’re killing ourselves with work
The one thing I'm happy I've maintained from my foreign culture is that I don't see work as an integral part of my identity. I want to do a good job, but work ends when I leave. We’re Killing...
Opinion masquerading as wisdom
This was an interesting looks at what constitutes fact based vs opinion journalism: What are facts? There are many interpretations. Some of them say that facts are fluid and open to interpretation....
JJ Watt
Metal cat
Wil Wheaton on MAGA
Shake noses
Roomba
Mambo No 5 vs The Return Of The Mack
Unlike Lou Bega's inauthentic happiness, Return of the Mack hints at the depths of the world's coldness, while still being funky as hell
Fantasy football
Cookie monster
These are a couple of solid Cookie Monster memes:
Conspiracies are easy
Harry Potter Fan
This is from when J.K. Rowling was first exposed as a monster: Being a Harry Potter fan is like being a fan of Chase Bank during the housing crisis.
G-rated insults
Love these: Oh honey, you’re not pretty enough to be acting like that. I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you properly....
Elephant revenge
Apes' labor
Goldilocks
Dreams, they can come true
True obituary
This obituary told the truth about a terrible person: Lawrence H Pfaff Sr. was born in Belmont, NY, on April 16, 1941. He passed away on June 27, 2022, living a long life, much longer than he...
Happy Father's Day
Curse of competence
Bakery Art
Urban Meyer bullying
Urban Meyer has been trash since the beginning of his career: It’s ironic that Meyer was fired from perhaps his last coaching job for bullying a player (Lambo ) when, in fact, one of his first...
Trump's philosophy
This comment says it perfectly: ... if you can't quite put a finger on his exact philosophy and goal for the world, you can't create a coherent plan to fight it.
Thunder Down Under
I told my friend this when he mentioned his wife might go see Thunder Down Under: It’s all fun and games until a buff Australian dude says she’s his Sheila now.
Protect the kids
You don’t want kids around when you’re floozy adjacent.
Chances of a US civil war
The US continues sliding down the path to autocracy. James Meek · What are you willing to do? On the case for civil war: The number-crunching core of her case is the work done by a Virginia-based...
Ignant
Gimme the tea
Exchanging knowledge
Being a troll
Wisdom from Reddit: If you put something up in a common area with the express purpose of pissing people off, you're an asshole. That's it. If you want every single person who passes your house to...
Jeff King hated sports
Jeff King Hated Baseball: In honor of Opening Day, this is one of the wilder stories I've read about.a player. And it happened with my Kansas City Royals: On May 21, 1999 Jeff King suddenly and...
Owe nothing
This photo of Dick Vitale is art
This is almost the whole article's text, but it's too good not to share: Here we find the old man robbed of his schtick by the punishing cold, the usual cartoonishness of his persona replaced by the...
No one wants to work
Confronting karen
I had to confront a Karen and her family at a restaurant: Karen and her family came in without masks and then asked if the restaurant had masks for them. The manager said no. So the Karen's family...
No stopping the train
Benadryl
A co-worker said she'd had too much coffee and felt like bouncing off the walls. I told her, "There's only one thing you can do here. Postmates some Benadryl."
No PTO for you
When I worked for a small company, all the mothers would take tons of time off when school was off or their kids had something going on. The work we did required us to be in the office. So, on the...
Kicks rocks, witch
Independent contractor
Jim Harbaugh is all business
I love this story about how Jim Harbaugh dealt with young women who were flirting with him: “He said to the first girl, “keep your hands up, thumbs down,” and he showed her the proper motion with his...
Tell me what i want to hear
Great quote from Reddit: It must be hard taking your car to 100 mechanics before you get to one that tells you your brakes are working just fine. It must be hard going to 100 doctors before you find...
Badass cat
The Kevin Chronicles
This guy went to grad school with me. He was OK for the first few years I knew him, but then began listening to conspiracy theorists like Alex Jones. This made the worst aspects of his personality...
Feerse
Quitting advice
Company messed with the wrong guy
A lonely rider
I sleep now
Smoking cat
Educate and horrify
A classic line from The Simpsons: “There’s no need to murmur, ma’am. Here at Itchy and Scratchy Land we’re just as concerned about violence as you are. That’s why we’re always careful to show the...
Dill pickle pie
Bad at job
Cash register
Vodka Papa John's shot
Muslim memes
I don't see enough Muslim memes. This was a phrase I used to hear all the time as a kid:
Kids unwinding
Welcome back, sis
Forget your dreams
Karen boss reveals herself
I'm getting heavy Karen vibes from the letter writer. And always remember that the company doesn't ultimately care about you: I’m just kind of floored that she’s getting gift cards after speaking to...
Police time off
Icebreaker
We Were Promised Hoverboards
anfscu-blog on tumblr did a great series of posts on movie tropes. Here are all the posts: --- Rescue as Aphrodisiac The Myth: If you rescue a woman, she will fall in love (or at least go to bed)...
The best job in the world
Arthur Rhodes was left handed, and was mainly below average during his career. He played in Major League Baseball for 20 years, making a total of $37.9 million in the process. In 2011, Arthur Rhodes...
Enjoy the sweet hubcap, playa
Dog getting you from the bath
I've won
You ain't got it
It's time
Creepy Burger King
This is unsettling.
Homosexual mists
Batman
Can't Afford To Pay My Workers
Drama king
As the self-proclaimed Drama King, this meme is accurate:
God on the phone
Jon Bois' 2014 NFL Draft writeups
I love Jon Bois' writing:
Venn diagrams
Don't play with his honour
Trolls
I'm fascinated by trolls, mainly because a former friend became one. It's interesting to read about the darkness that resides within these people. Troll with it: ...the data exposed a quite different...
A veteran speaks on the afghanistan withdrawal
I usually read Drew Magary for his funny, but this letter from a veteran named Brett really struck a chord for me: I’m from central Pennsylvania. My parents live just outside of Hershey, and I go...
Keenly waiting for revenge
From the book Dynastic, Bombastic, Fantastic: Reggie, Rollie, Catfish, and Charlie Finley's Swingin' A's, this great story about outfielder Billy North: In a May 18 game against the Royals at the...
You didn't research that
9/11 social media post templates
For the 20th anniversary of 9/11, I offer you the following templates for all of your social media needs. [insert anecdote about the banal things you were doing when the Two Towers were hit] [insert...
The day my coworkers and i chose our survival over our supervisor
This story is about UPS workers who defied their supervisor and walked off the job during the 9/11 attacks. The article also talks about how workers can take their power back in the early days of...
Eddie Murray card
Back in 1993, I got this card in a pack. It was worth $75 when I got it. I thought for sure this card would be my retirement fund. I should have sold the card the moment I got it. As the years went...
Regulate synopses
Warren G's song "Regulate" has inspired a couple of epic summaries. First, this is from Wikipedia#Synopsis): Warren G is driving alone through Eastside, Long Beach, California at night, looking for...
Who says the nights are for sleeping?
I sent this to my guys' group chat when there was talk of a couple of them sleeping with the same woman. I was the one who initiated that talk.
Weird Celtics Twitter
I love Weird Celtics Twitter! A few fun articles about it: Where did Robert Williams’s nickname come from?: The short answer is that Time Lord is an ironic reference to a few slip-ups Williams made...
The Gay Community
Every season I played fantasy sports, I had to have Rudy Gay on my team so I could name it The Gay Community. Why Rudy Gay never created Gay Communities wherever he played is still a mystery to me.
Awesome slides
Swag is on a million for both of these slides! <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Baez did it better. <a href="https://t.co/Zhe3CWXnCK">pic.twitter.com/Zhe3CWXnCK</a></p>—...
Roger Ebert's searing critiques
Roger Ebert was always at his best when he didn't like a movie, like 1980's Spit on Your Grave: I wanted to turn to the man near me and tell him his remarks were disgusting, but I did not. To hold...
Work attire
"You need to dress like you have a job and parents who raised you in some kind of shame based American religious tradition." - Liz Lemon
Border pics
These are pics of some real life borders. Belgium-Holland is at a cafe. --- Malaysia-Singapore is a bridge. --- Argentina, Brazil, and Paraguay is at this river.
Our hubris
Pine Tar Game
From Filip Bondy's book about the Pine Tar Game: And then Martin made a move that led to one of my favorite sports moments: At the start of the game, Martin had reliever George Frazier appeal the...
How bad should we feel when the willfully unvaccinated die?
How Bad Should We Feel When the Willfully Unvaccinated Die?: So when your cousin/high school friend/neighbor and people like them who choose not to get vaccinated contract COVID and die, while the...
Obama talking trash
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/MECsuuNSEpQ" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media;...
Love Island
All the people on Love Island need to be given a GED study guide and a Bible.
Lies
Men lie, women lie, buckets don’t.- Dion Waiters
Going back to high school
A conversation I had with my pal, Lora a couple of years ago, when we'd both reached our 40s. Lora: I'd be so much better and popular if I went back to high school now. Muneer: Yeah, but then the...
Vital public health information
I love Mike Birbiglia's comedy. His book had gems like the following: The closest I had come to seeing a woman naked was in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Since my parents never gave me a sex...
Ancient evil
One More Chance translation
This is the granddaddy of rap song translations. I think this was the first thing that was viral that I ever encountered. What a life! I'll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o'clock...
Weddings are terrible, Pt. 1
Bigger cash gift = better dinner? What is it about weddings that make people think that insane stuff like this is OK?
Coupons
The agony
I was talking to someone today about analyzing projects that have gone wrong at work. I said, "I love digging through projects and finding out what happened. It's like a puzzle. But the answer...
Totalitarianism
These are the types of people who are the greatest threats to our system: ...the ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the convinced Communist, but people for whom the...
Slim Charles
Game's the same. Just got more fierce. - Slim Charles
The internet as we know it
This is a very accurate reflection of my feelings about the Internet at large: This is all exacerbated by the fact that the current state of the Internet and social media essentially renders it an...
A defense of being widely read
I wish more people had this view today. Gen. Mark Milley Delivers Powerful Defense of Studying Critical Race Theory: What is it that caused thousands of people to assault this building and try to...
San Jose Sharks celebrate Juneteenth
Someone actually thought this was a great idea.
Murder tigers
Houston tiger is being secretly passed around safe houses, police believe: I am holding on to a conspiracy theory that this dude fed his victims to the tiger. It's a murder tiger!!! The dude isn't...
My heritage, Pt. 3
My great uncle Mohammad O'Halloran had a stop in Brussels when he was going from India to Ireland. He managed, in the span of 24.5 minutes, to father a boy named Pieter van der Ahmaad. I must travel...
Anti maskers
BBQ business idea
Muneer: Steve and I have decided to embark upon a new business venture that we just realized has been approved by God. We are going to tailgate Covid vaccine lines and sell tasty ribs, sausages and...
Culture of immediacy
Gen Z work ethic
I crave violence
Violence isn't the answer
Tubthumping
Let the haters know
Not that kind of nude
Samurai code
Use your PTO
Covid pimp
Olive Garden
Panda
Unique skill
Astronaut revenge
Get them ribs right
<iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zCLpRR-wVo0" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe> I appreciate this man's dedication to late night grilling.
Moist money sign
Make us worse
MAGA greeting
Len Dawson
Fighting for Islam
Processed ham
Grindr
Toxic work environment
Covid warning sign
Chill dog
Confronting the cat
Cat BS
The syndicate
In Grade 9, I accidentally became the head of a gambling syndicate at my school. I was a young, fresh faced kid, and found out that you could win money playing blackjack. So in my usual fashion, I...
Aaron Jones at the airport
Ride or die
None the wiser
The best NBA nickname
I think this is the best sports nickname ever:
Shkreli
Reconcile with the MAGAs
Joe Biden Is Right: For America to Heal, We Must Find Common Ground With Trump Supporters: TO STEAL ALL THE REMOTE CONTROLS AND SHOELACES FROM THEIR HOMES TO GRAB THEIR HANDS WHILE THEY’RE SLEEP AND...
Thoughts on Trump
4 years ago, I woke up at 6am and navigated to Google. Seeing the words "Donald Trump has been elected the 45th President of the United States" made my heart jump and sent me into a stupor. America...
Michigan election
The True Story Of Donald Trump: Secret Action Hero
The True Story of Donald Trump, Secret Action Hero: This my favorite Tom the Dancing Bug joke ever
Using protection
I told my friend that my favorite cologne in college was Drakkar Noir. She told me she's glad to hear I was using birth control.
Black dreams
Jalen Rose, about Jimmy Butler's boombox shaped fish tank: This is one of those black dreams gone wrong"
Our new health director
In this dark time, at least we can look to Sanmi Areola for the answers.
Boyz II Men
This is my favorite GIF to put into a group chat at random:
The child must not be an obstacle
How police unions fight reform
Police unions are all about protecting their own at all costs. Which I'd normally support. But not when it helps murderers walk free. How Police Unions Fight Reform: The City Council member Ritchie...
El Negro Matapacos: A Love Story
Discussing salary
Donkey nannies
Steve: Donkey nannies are pretty cool. Lisette: I am also too young, small and adorable for journeys. I want a donkey nanny. Muneer: I would place some of those old school saddles on my donkey with...
Unplugged
Here are some great-lines from the book Unplugged by Joe Barrett: You have to admire a man who has so thoroughly given up on life. Allow me to congratulate you on your bizarre but effective work. ”
Finding everyday heroes
I have this co-worker on a team full of people who manufacture idiotic crises that don't actually matter. I was talking to her on Friday and she was talking about how vital she was to the company...
I love mess
Latinas' greatest natural predator
I was forced to warn my good pal about this man. The following is an excerpt from that conversation: Muneer: This man is the greatest natural predator of Latinas today. He lures them in with a mix of...
Corona tough guys
Kyle Brandt Perfectly Called Out Coronavirus 'Tough Guys': This video is what convinced me to drop my tough guy act and take Covid-19 as seriously as was warranted.
Blessed with inappropriate confidence
Even though the Dunning-Kruger Effect has been disproven, I think it still has some validity as a general yardstick. ... the incompetent are often blessed with an inappropriate confidence, buoyed by...
A very woke boy
Adapting to any situation
This quote by Andy Warhol has always resonated with me as a way to explain my youth: When a situation develops gradually, no matter how weird that situation is, you get used to it.
A moral defense of Chidi's swoleness
A moral defense of Chidi's swoleness: As character, however, does Chidi’s clearly obsessive working out make sense? In other words, is it ethical to be that jacked? We examine the moral implications...
Best type of story
Organizing music
mvp soundsystem This is a really cool way to keep track of entertainment and ensure that you'll always have a context for when and where you found it.
The curse of having an opinion about everything
The Curse of Having an Opinion About Everything To say: “I don’t have an opinion on that.” (Even if deep down we do!) To focus on the things in front of us that matter, or more importantly, that are...
Conspiracy theorists
Conspiracy Theorists Aren’t Really Skeptics: Conspiracy believers are the ultimate motivated skeptics. Their curse is that they apply this selective scrutiny not to the left or right, but to the...
Charlotte nightmare
The time we spent in Punta Cana was amazing. However, American Airlines was horrible during each trip. Our flight going to the DR was supposed to be at 7.30am, Sunday, May 11. On the way back, it was...
A history of Harold Ballard's villainy
The more I read through this article about Harold Ballard, the more I'm struck by how the rich can do whatever they want. A History of Harold Ballard's Villainy: In The Game, Ken Dryden wrote that...
Fine sports car
I was alleged to have written this. Believe me, I'd claim it if I had.
My speedometer's growing up
Back in 2013, it just said "BOOB". It's now at "BOOBS":
Mr. Big Chest
Grandmother Palms Grandson $10 Like She Fixing Boxing Match
NEW BEDFORD, MA—Waiting until her daughter and son-in-law were occupied getting drinks in the kitchen following a family dinner at her home Sunday, local grandmother Ellen Sullivan, 72, is said to...
Supreme Court Mistakenly Used Belgium's Constitution For Last 3 Rulings
WASHINGTON—The U.S. Supreme Court announced Monday that it would have to review two weeks’ worth of procedure after determining it had mistakenly based its last three rulings on a copy of the Belgian...
Why is all of new zealand obsessed with this drunken, littering, rowdy tourist family?
There's a family of hooligans currently laying waste to New Zealand. It's delightful to read about. As a nation, we are crippled by a pervasive tall poppy syndrome, which means all our comedy must be...
I live in a world of ghosts
From the movie, the Seventh Seal: “My indifference has shut me out. I live in a world of ghosts, a prisoner of dreams. I want God to put out his hand, show his face, speak to me. I cry out to him in...
Snitches
My best friend got me this. It is one of my most treasured possessions.
I hated, hated, hated this movie
These are some great-lines from Roger Ebert's book, I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie: In which we determine how werewolves are made, how they are killed, and how they spread their wolfiness. Here is...
Wise words
Active shooter
Kobach
Mummy
Fitzpatrick's second career
Larry's Kidney
Here are some great-lines from the book, Larry's Kidney: Being the True Story of How I Found Myself in China with My Black Sheep Cousin and His Mail-Order Bride, Skirting the Law to Get Him a...
Towa Tei live set
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Power of the holy ghost
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Brynn Cameron's new contract
Leftist optimism
I really needed to read this post on Facebook from Will Sternberg: I hate “we’re fucked.” I mean, I don’t want to shame anyone who has said it, thought it, or posted it. I have too. But as a...
Overcommunicating
Joe Sheehan had this comment about the number of mound visits in Game 7 of the Astros-Dodgers World Series: Had I been as committed to good communication under adverse circumstances as Brian McCann...
Supplying the money
Michael Lewis always does a great job of finding stories about blowhards who get exposed in public: There were many stories very like the one Tom Vilsack told, about a loan they had made, in...
Billy Crystal's fantasies
Billy Crystal was really trying to fulfill all his fantasies in his films: There is a lot of wish fulfillment in Forget Paris, from Billy Crystal falling in love with Debra freaking Winger—who plays...
Steve Bartman: ‘You must kill me to break the Cubs’ curse’
I loved this story from the Onion before the Cubs broke their curse: I must be killed by a dagger, clutched in the hand of a true Cubs fan, plunged directly into my heart, and only then can the Cubs...
Football players buy XBOX for kid wearing a Kaepernick jersey
I love stories like this about simple kindness: Jaden said Marshall and Kelley had complimented him on his Colin Kaepernick 49ers jersey when he walked into the video game store to inquire about the...
Paul Manafort's hats
Nothing to prove
You know you're an adult when you can be right without proving the other person wrong.
Barbara Kruger
I love Supreme's typography, and then found out that they stole it from Barbara Kruger. Her stuff is much more interesting than Supreme. Here are a few of my favs of hers:
I am delivert
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Tycho Brahe had a gold nose
The astronomer’s nose: Tycho Brahe’s controversial prosthesis Why did medieval people do all the cool stuff?
The pettiest t-shirt
This shirt is so petty towards the Angels:
Renting people
My pal to me at work today: "How about no one gets to rent a person?"
Superstud
Here are some great-lines from Paul Feig's book, Superstud: What just a few minutes earlier had been my closest friend and comforter was now revealed to have been the serpent in the Garden of Eden. I...
Nihilists have to eat too
The Ballad of the Whiskey Robber
This is a collection of great-lines from the book Ballad of the Whiskey Robber by Julian Rubenstein. I highly recommend the audiobook: There was his mother, naked with another man. Attila ran back to...
Ghetto Christ
A fan of my podcast, Hamsterdam, made this. Still one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me.
Paul Pierce
When I was in my freshman year at KU, I was playing sports at the Robinson Center one afternoon. We had the run of the court because of my teammates' scoring prowess and my extremely dirty play and...
Bill Belichick conspiracy theory
I love this Reddit conspiracy theory about Belichick: The Bill Belchick Theory, someone else posted this before in r/nfl. Target: New York Jets Bill Belichick does not like the New York Jets. This...
I don't try to be different
From El-P, now of Run the Jewels, then of Company Flow: I don't try to be different, I am... This quote has always spoken to me.
Maybe it's you
From the TV show Justified, the great Raylan Givens: You run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole; you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.
Wisdom from Killa Cam
Cam'ron dropped this jewel in "Losing Weight": Can’t get paid in a earth this big? You worthless kid!
Sentient braided leather belt
Run for the border
I got a call on a Thursday afternoon from [Suzie]. It was a curious call because the address on the intake form was a Canadian address. Prepaid Legal only sold plans to people in the US. Suzie had...
Election Night 2016
Right after the 2016 election, a lot of people on Metafilter commiserated about this new, horrible turn the country had taken: First: I suspect he knows exactly what he's going to do...parade around...
Contrarianism
From Morgan Housel: Real contrarianism is painful. It's lonely. It hurts. It's when everyone thinks you're nuts.
Trump disagreement
I found this on Metafilter. It’s petty, but this a time for it. Please let me know what happens if you try this: Just had someone comment about ‘agreeing to disagree’ after a ‘ HA HA this is great’...
2016 Election Thoughts
Before: After:
Sign of a bad company
When a company's retirement materials say "Live to work now so you can work to live later", run far, far away.
Work hard for it
Von Miller explains commitment to Texas A&M over LSU by comparing them to girls: A&M really wanted me," Miller said. "You know that girlfriend that's really not that attractive but she's going to do...
Bautista punch
Odor should get five to eight games for throwing a punch. Anything more is penalizing him for effectiveness. - Joe Sheehan
You're not paid to think
What is something someone said that changed your way of thinking forever?
Some great lines from a Reddit thread: "How you live each day is how you live your life." "We judge ourselves by our intentions but others by their actions" "no matter how big the plate in front of...
Get to a dark place
Panthers CB Josh Norman: 'Went Dark Knight' after Dez Bryant disrespect [Josh] Norman said he was so fired up during the week with talk about [Dez] Bryant possibly having a big day against him and...
Real protection
I'm going to acquire a taxidermied white man to help me avoid unwanted interactions with the police. This led to the following exchange in the Facebook comments: Steve: You realize that literally...
Andy Reid
Royals 2015 playoff logos
KC Vs. St. Louis
World Series prediction
From Joe Sheehan's sports newsletter: The Mets seem to have real edges on both sides of the ball, ones that should be enough to make them the pick. However, they're not managed by a witch. Royals in...
The win-now fear-nothing Royals are finally here
I love this quote from Grant Brisbee's article about the Royals: They took the momentum into the 2015 season, and they're a fully functional death machine right now.
Teddy bear
This morning, I saw a man driving a car with a hole in the bumper. Covering this hole was a teddy bear speared on there. I want to follow this man and learn his ways.
Awesome Sam Brownback shirt
Raiders couple
What do insanely wealthy people buy that ordinary people know nothing about
This is an eye opening comment from Reddit about the rich: I can answer this one. For some reason, I attract these people into my life. I don't do anything super extraordinary. I am not famous. But I...
Office Xmas parties
Have fun at your “work is forcing us to hang out, so I drink to loosen up, cheat on my wife in the supply closet, have to get a divorce, now my kids are from a broken home” parties.
Suffering from success
From the Wikipedia entry for DJ Khaled: After going to a doctor due to a bald spot on his beard the doctor told him he was “suffering from success” which inspired the album title.
Voting GOP vs. finding a wedding dress
This is from a Fark comment: 1. You will have to choose from a wide selection of what are varying shades of white. 2. You will be asked to come up with more money than you intended. 3. You will be...
These O's Ain't Royal
Sports related pettiness is my favorite. Here's Jeremy Guthrie taking a shot at his old team:
Royals headline of the day
From The Onion: Royals Defeat A’s, Ned Yost In Epic Play-In Game
Salmon eating a bear
Whenever I need to test an artist's skills, I ask them to draw me a salmon eating a bear. A few years ago, a friend of mine on Twitter drew this for me.
It's not right, but it's OK
Today, I conclusively proved to my wife that if something is not O.K., it is right. If we accept noted logician Whitney Houston's 1999 theorem, "It's Not Right, But It's OK", then we must accept that...
Magnum reboot
I'm writing a reboot of Magnum P.I. where Magnum moves to the UK and serves in the House of Commons. It's going to be called Magnum PI, MP.
Tattooed tears
If I went to jail, I'd get a waterfall tattooed on my face. If someone asked about it, I'd say, "The human body cannot produce that many tears." It would make me a boss from Day 1.
My heritage, Pt. 2
He was on the same ship as my other uncle, Muhammad O'Halloran. They had a great enmity and so when Muhammad O'Halloran expressed his intent to get off in Ireland, Muhammad Cobretti jumped ship in...
My heritage, Pt. 1
On this day in 1845, my ancestor Muhammad O'Halloran reached Ireland after fleeing a famine in India. He only had a chance to have a couple of potatoes before the Potato Famine hit. My bloodline has...
Standardized tests
I spent a couple of weeks at one of NCS Pearson's grading warehouses back in 2001. When I got there, it was just as was described in the article: I had a one day orientation and then was given sample...
Conservative thinking
These are some good quotes about conservatives from Metafilter: 2nding George Lakoff's Moral Politics : How Liberals and Conservatives Think. He uses cognitive metaphor theory to elucidate how...
Ice-T podcast live blog
Ice on "The Hunger Games": If they can hunt so good, why don't they just hunt food? Ice on Brad Pitt: If your man don't like Brad Pitt, he's just a bitch. Ice and his friend on gaming: Friend: I...
Sci fi
I was thinking of watching the movie where Common falls in love with Queen Latifah, but I'm not really in the mood for science fiction.
Get your fake conscience objections off my lawn
This article articulates my opinion of corporations claiming religious conscience better than I ever could: ...if someone serving in the military came to me and said they wanted me to defend their...
Rap disses
Kendrick Lamar's verse on "Control" has sparked a controversy in the hip hop world. After going down a rabbit hole, I found this awesome articleabout the stories behind 50 rap beefs. I will present...
A conversation between me and my high school English teacher
English teacher: What do you think of as the American Dream? Me: To live in a mansion with Benzes. English Teacher: Your American Dream involves owning a foreign car? Wouldn't an American car be more...
Free pie
Speedometer
My speedometer says "BOOB".
Poor should steal from the rich?
Is there any evidence that it was stolen, or is it possible she just forgot it at the café and an unscrupulous barista picked it up? I mean, sucks to lose your iPad, and at best the barista behaved...
Authenticity
It's easy to be snarky and cynical. Hell, that's my default mode. But, we all need to take a few minutes each day to think about how amazing and wondrous the world around us is. We are all able to...
Chinchilla, Boris Chinchilla
There is a man out there named Boris Chinchilla, and he has made love with a woman.
Snickers the cat
My pal Steve posted this to Facebook: I've been helping out at Bonner Animal Rescue recently, and I’m slowly getting to know its denizens on a level that is only achieved when you've thrown off all...
I can't help where i have to park
A man called in to complain about his car being damaged. He was working at a building where people had to pay for parking. So, this man decided to park in a side street to avoid the fees. Man: They...
Emigrating to the Green Isle
A man called in the day after Barack Obama was elected President in 2008. Obama's victory had convinced this man that the U.S. would soon become a "Socilist" haven that would target God fearing...
Just send it to my house
A man called in about evicting his adult stepdaughter from his home. Stepdaughter was originally supposed to stay for two weeks while she found a new job, and then was to get her own apartment. Six...
I need better cell service
A woman called in about the deterioration in her cellphone service. She was a legacy customer of Cellular One, which had recently been acquired by U.S. Cellular. I asked her when her contract was up,...
THe African Diamond Affair
A man called in with an unusual request. He needed me to contact Interpol on his behalf. This man had gotten into touch with some men in the African nation of Benin (I wasn't told how the two parties...
Making money shouldn't be so hard
An elderly woman called in about a website she had "bought". A nice man called her approximately two months earlier and said that for only $10,000, his company would sell her a website that would...
People who tell the truth aren't a protected class
A woman called in about being discriminated against at work because she was African American. She said that her manager was not giving her the same hours as all the other employees. I sent her a...
Send me cash and I'll send you more cash
This woman called in wanting me to contact a lender who had not sent her money from a loan she was promised. The woman had seen a commercial about real estate investing. This commercial directed...
The Party Boy
A man called in about his son's expulsion from the local school district. Dad wanted son to be reinstated at once. It was imperative because the young lad's cheerleading career hung in the balance....
Unfair accusations
A woman called in about the police unfairly targeting her son. The son's phone was found near the scene of an arson; he was currently sitting in jail. Woman: They're always accusing him of stuff! Me:...
There's only one motel in Odessa, TX
One of the first consulations I did at the law firm was a head scratcher. This woman went to Odessa, TX and booked a three night stay at a budget motel. The premises were apparently so unsafe that...
Forgetting my roots
I was once screamed at by a woman outside the Monterey Bay Aquarium for not being proud of my Latino heritage.
Translation of Bandz A Make Her Dance
Everyone knows I love a good rap song translation. Here's one of Bandz A Make Her Dance by Juicy J: Calling what I’ve spent on the women at this club a “tip” offends my sensibilities, considering...
6 insane true stories more badass than any action movie
6 Insane True Stories More Badass Than Any Action Movie: Upon coming to the conclusion that the robber wasn't going to leave, even despite his bitchin' speech, Khan strolled to the counter and...
Cat eating a burger
ACA
The life of 2Pac
This is an awesome in-depth look into Tupac Shakur's life: He always thought he was going to die young, and his paranoid (but very real) mindset obviously is a factor on how much he recorded. His...
Fair And Lovely
I was in Bangladesh back in 2006. I am much lighter skinned than most of the people in that country. While I was there, my 20 year old cousins had several friends over for a birthday party. While we...
Beyonce The Wonder Chicken
And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles.: This is one of the funniest things I've ever read
This is obviously just a business
Too Close for Comfort: He threatened he would start wearing a suit to games, because "this is obviously just a business." Steve Francis and Cuttino Mobley were so close, and he was so devastated when...
Fred Davis in court
Fred Davis, Attorney at Law: The Courtroom Transcripts: Chaka cross-examination of Davis on April 10, 2012 Chaka: Let’s look at these photos right here. Because I went to college. I go back to my...
Muneerisms
These are some Muneerisms to help you live a better life: Early to bed, early to rise means that the opposite sex doesn't find you attractive. Do unto others as you would pay others to do unto you....
Detroit dreams
I want to buy $1 houses in Detroit and become a land baron. My property would be guarded by a team of street urchins. My wife refuses to let me put my plan into action. Soon, Muneerian Detroit will...
Accepted
Watched 'Accepted' last night. The movie reminded me that I need to buy hobo stab insurance.
Hate the game
With one exchange, my self-identity has been thrown into doubt: Steve: Hate the game, not the player... Me: You can be a player. I'm more like a coach or an owner. Steve: As such, you represent the...
Engagement celebration
Chris Paul
Interesting wardrobe
Physical, emotional meltdown haunts Hunter Strickland, costs Giants: Machi, whose locker was to the left of Strickland’s, wanted no part of it at all. A clubhouse attendant cut through the throng to...
Interest
The one thing my parents taught me was exactly how interest works. So, when I got to college in the late 90's, I avoided the credit card company tables like the plague. My friends and dorm mates...
Mr. Belvedere
When Mr. Belvedere first started airing in Saudi Arabia, it enthralled me. (Note: I was 8 at the time.) Here's this English dude who seems like he did alright for himself in England. He moves to...
The shame of college sports
The Shame of College Sports: This article is what opened my eyes to the predatory practices of the NCAA.
Ascertaining the effect of the G Thang on skill level in hip hop
<p><em>(Author’s note: I am stealing </em><a href="https://href.li/?http://zembla.cementhorizon.com/archives/000656.html" rel="noopener" target="blank"><em>an...
Missionary hippo
This hippo always makes me laugh:
Puppet Master
My favorite XKCD line ever:
A union story
A pal of mine is an attorney, and was doing a deposition related to a mesothelioma case in Illinois. He asked the witness how long he worked each day. The guy replied, “You want to know how long I...
Baron Davis alley oop reaction
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Bullied at work
Last night, I was being bullied by my co-workers into bringing treats today. I know it was bullying because I watch Oprah and she knows what she's talking about. So, I go to Munchers, and ask them...
The dinner party
[Friend]: We'll bring something nice to eat. I'm not sure what, though. Any suggestions? Muneer: I believe you should bring king prawns simmered in butter and curry powder. [Friend]: But [Other...
Why grow up?
A friend of mine and I were recently talking about this and came to the conclusion that there is no longer a positive reason to be an "adult". Back in the times of our grandparents, there were...
IT clown smoking
Besides Dick Cheney in a Go Kart, this is the most unsettling picture I've ever seen.
All day, e'ry day
My schedule for July 2010
The college guy vs high schoolers
I don't know where I found this, but it checks out: I've figured out the moral of the LeBron story: Stay in school. Wade: 3 years at Marquette; Bosh: 1 year at Georgia Tech; the kid from Akron: no...
Cheney having fun
I don't know why, but this pic always chills me to the core. The smile is that of someone who knows he's about to screw over tons of people.
The beginning
Truer words were never spoken: A journey of a thousand miles begins with an eviction notice and a restraining order.
Kissing kitten
Report: Majority Of Newspapers Now Purchased By Kidnappers To Prove Date
Report: Majority Of Newspapers Now Purchased By Kidnappers To Prove Date: "The sober authority of the printed word continues to hold value for those attempting to extort large sums of money from...
Robocop on horse
Reggie Miller feuds with a prince
Reggie Miller -- I'm No Homewrecker, Just a Flirt The entire Southern California coastline was roped into the story last weekend, after Alex von Furstenberg -- the son of designer Diane von...
She makes bad decisions
One of my fave FML posts: Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said...
Panda smuggling
This week’s post concerns a plan I’ve had in my mind for quite a while. It’s a bit unorthodox, but I am convinced that if I can pull it off, I will be rich and notorious beyond my wildest dreams....
My hatred of the French
My friends say that my hatred of the French and France is an overreaction on my part. They say that I was only in the airport, and thus did not get a true picture of the French as a people. To these...
Rasheed Wallace On Darko Milicic
Darko is a Serbian gangster! "I'm telling you, Darko is a Serbian gangster," Rasheed Wallace said. "Darko's got some bodies back there (in Serbia-Montenegro). He can go psycho on guys."
The purpose of reading
My favorite quote from Volltaire is from Candide: For my part, I read only to please myself. I like only that which serves my purpose.