From the geniuses at Sports Memery:

After a heated NFC North battle, Kevin O'Connell and Dan Campbell met at midfield for the customary post-game handshake. O'Connell, smiling, extended his hand,

"Dan, you coached one hell of a game. No matter what we did, you had an answer. I'm really impressed with your team—they played with heart."

Campbell, grinning, gave a firm handshake and replied, "Kevin... let me give you some advice. Something a Navy SEAL told me at a strip club my dad took me to when I was 12. He said, ‘Quit being such a sissy, enjoy yourself. Your father’s paying a lot for you to be here, and you’re embarrassing everyone by mentioning the math test you’re missing.’"

O'Connell froze, trying to process the advice.

Campbell clapped him on the back, knocking the wind out of him. "Not all of that applies to you, obviously. But the larger message does. I was watching you today, Kev—pacing, talking all serious with your coaches, play sheet in hand like you’re planning some invasion. I thought, ‘What a try-hard.’"

Campbell grinned, "The best prep you’ll do all week is in the gym, diesling up those glamor muscles so they’re bursting through your pullover, showing your squad you’re ready for war." He puffed out his chest, emphasizing the gains since their last meeting.

"Do you think when we locked eyes in the second quarter, before our big run, I was talking strategy with my coaches? Hell no. That’s for the nerds I hire. I had ‘Enter Sandman’ blasting, thinking about the hunk of meat I’m going to eat later in my man cave, surrounded by the pelts of beasts I’ve killed, watching Steven Seagal movies on repeat."

Campbell mimicked an air-guitar solo to a Metallica riff. O'Connell, still bewildered, nodded and started to walk away. But Campbell clapped him on the back once more.

"You're never gonna slay Lions with your brain, Poindexter. That’s nerd logic. Hit the gym, and I’ll see you later this season. If your bench isn’t up by 45 pounds by then... you’re toast. Oh, and ditch that name... Kevin? God’s never made a Kevin worth fearing."