How to Play Black Spades, Part 1
First of all, spades is not a game, it is a skills contest that requires complex permutative calculations while winning a “game” only requires luck. Old black men who carry pocket knives do not play games.
Everyone at The Root knows how to play spades but no one could specifically remember being taught. I erroneously assumed every black person was born with the innate ability to play spades, season chicken and hit the exact notes on Frankie Beverly’s wail in “Before I Let Go.”
Electricity is only needed to keep score. If a person has electricity, that means they receive an electric bill. And, after years of laboratory testing, National Association of Spades Activities (the real NASA) determined that the best medium for recording spades scores was the back of an envelope that previously contained the second notice for an overdue light bill.
The writing utensil can come from anywhere but preliminary studies show that the best ink comes from a pen that was at the bottom of a church lady’s purse that has been used to write down scriptures during three consecutive Bible study classes.
You are only at the stage called “’bout to play spades,” which precedes the “finna play” stage.
Ace high: …This version is usually only played by old Ques, people who have spent time in prison or people who played in the band at an HBCU. You don’t want to play this way.
How To Play Black Spades, Part 2: The Glossary
Unlike our white counterparts, black people already know the answer to “which came first—the chicken or the egg?”
The egg.
Breakfast comes before dinner.
How To Play Black Spades, Part 3: We Finna Play
If you are beating someone really bad or playing against a very experienced shit-talker, you may begin to think your mother is engaged in an ongoing sexual relationship with your opponent. Don’t worry, Frank is just trying to shake your confidence…Maybe.