On the rare occassion, he’ll pretend he has an injured paw. Two separate trips to the vet revealed he was faking it, probably to get out of doing dog stuff, like go for walks and play and try to eat human food.
I throw toys around for him to fetch. Every dog of his breed will play this game all day if you let them. Not mine. After a few minutes I realize I’m playing fetch with myself and I’ll stop. I thought “touche dog, you have outsmarted me and it is I that am the bitch”.
My only reasonable assumption is my dog knows English, and has at some point read my philosophy books when I’m at work, and realized
a) if there is a god, he’s dead
b) people only do things to avoid being fucked by others
c) we’re enslaved in a capitalist society
d) he may never get to heaven
e) bush’s “tax cuts” mean he’ll be eating his cousins for breakfast lunch and dinner in a couple years when his owner falls prey to the AMT