My brush with this sketchy mode of transport occurred when I was on spring break with my former friend Judas (not his real name). Well, we asked the friend we were staying with if there was any quick way to get to NYC, since Philly blew balls. He immediately hipped us to the ‘shady Chinatown bus’. For $ 10 each way, we could go to NYC and be back within the day! This sounded way too good to be true.

After a meal of wontons and other Americanized Chinese food, we proceeded to the New Century Bus Lines depot, which ironically enough, was located directly next to the Greyhound depot. Well, there were certainly a rough bunch of characters there. Being from Kansas, I usually see the more educated and polite Chinese folks. Not here, boy! These folks looked like they were either ready to cut your head off and spit down the stump, or they were sizing you up to see if there were any interesting possessions they could relieve you of. Luckily, I outweighed most of these folks by over 80 pounds, so the lives and pocketbooks of Judas and I were safe. Well, the bus finally got there about 25 minutes late, and there was a mad scrum to get on. I saw how this was going to be played, and just plunged myself into the crowd, cleaving a direct path between ourselves and the door. We had to push old ladies, gangsta wannabees and a host of other suspicious characters out of the way. It was just like being back home in Pakistan or Bangladesh.

When we finally set down on our seats, we expected a smooth ride down to NYC. It was not to be. Well, first thing, the driver seemed intent on driving around Philly Chinatown in a bus that was way too big for the roads there, and just pick up random friends. Inevitably, these folks would have a cigarette in their mouth and a suspicious parcel tucked under their arms. Then, once we finally did get out of Philly and into New Jersey, we kept making strange and sometimes frightening stops on the side of the Jersey Turnpike, where passengers would disembark.

We finally made it to NYC (an hour late), and went about our business, seeing all the sights and behaving as the tourists do. The night bus wasn’t so bad. All the folks on the bus seemed to be a little preoccupied with the things they had bought / gotten in NYC, so the shifty eyed staring at all the other passengers was suspended. I also had the opportunity to sit next to a girl from Austria, who was mystified that we would have such a substandard bus system in such a rich country. After I’ told her that this was what all the cheapasses rode, her fears seemed to calm a bit. Once we got back to Philly, we wasted not ime in boarding a city bus back home, and effectively washing our hands clean of the whole experience.