I love Rex Huppke's satire pieces.

Please stop bugging Trump about that Epstein birthday card:

I have doggedly pursued the truth behind the crimes of this convicted felon – Epstein, I mean, not Trump – and now that I see a naked lady sketch with a weirdly suggestive note bearing the signature of America’s greatest president, I ask all Americans to pause and answer this question: Who among us hasn’t wished a pervert happy birthday?

I mean, let’s not start casting stones just because the letter Trump swore doesn’t exist actually exists and has his signature representing pubic hair on a sketch of a naked female body.

We’ve all been there, folks. I’m definitely not abandoning the remains of my integrity or rock-solid religious morals to run cover for a known lout because it’s politically expedient. Nope.

Clearly, someone back then was looking ahead to the day Trump would be serving his second term as president, hoping to make him look bad.

The Epstein scandal, which Trump has called a hoax, is very real, and Trump is the hero. And Epstein, whom Trump wrote a no-big-deal, affectionate and creepy birthday note to, was a “disgusting child predator.” But how could Trump have known that, despite all the other notes suggesting inappropriate sexual behavior in the birthday book that isn’t real and is part of a Democratic hoax?

Trump may have drawn the naked lady sketch and signed the creepy card to Epstein. But again, who among us hasn’t wished a pervert well with a pervy birthday note?

And also, why aren’t we paying attention to Trump’s amazing artistic skills? He’s truly a Renaissance man! And that’s all I have to say about this dead issue.