ICE Document Reveals Plan To Recruit At UFC Fights, Gun Shows, Dumpster Behind Joe Rogan's House:

One of our favorite running subplots of the first year of the Trump administration is that Immigration and Customs Enforcement is struggling to recruit new agents who possess an IQ above 50 and the ability to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. You laugh, but it’s hard to carry off Stephen Miller’s vast deportation wet dreams when the ICE officers are mostly chasing Honduran nannies who can fool them by pointing at something behind the agents, yelling “Look over there!” and then running off in the other direction.

And yet, ICE keeps plugging along, hoping against hope that it can find some agents who aren’t single-celled reprobates who got fired from a bunch of college campus police forces for roofieing coeds.

The Washington Post got its hands on the 30-page document outlining what ICE calls a “wartime recruitment” strategy and the rest of us might call “a pathetic excuse for a job program for the otherwise unemployable.”