Kansas City helped nab R. Kelly
It's not well known, but shadowy forces in Kansas City were the hidden lever in the R. Kelly pee tape trial.
Day 2: The "Little Man Defense" and the Case Against Sparkle:
Bennie Lee Edwards Sr., the uncle of the alleged victim, testifies that he recognized his niece on the video, and that she looked about 14. This testimony is less compelling once you hear Edwards take 10 long seconds to remember his own age, then botch his own son's date of birth. He also gets in a long dispute with the defense over whether police once found crack rocks under his hat. He contends that the crack was in his truck.
If there's a life lesson to be taken from the R. Kelly trial, it's that when you're trying to help your niece launch a music career, perhaps it's best to widen the search for mentors beyond the man who sings "It Seems Like You're Ready" and "I Like the Crotch on You."
The conversation devolves into a testy exchange over whether the girl on the tape is or is not a prostitute and whether or not we're all here today because Edwards is after Kelly's money. "Sweetie, I am not trying to get any money with this," says Edwards. Rarely has a term of endearment dripped with so much disdain. ("I am not your sweetie," Genson states for the record.)
The Prosecution Doubles Up, Then Rests:
In a deposition taken last week, Pryor said that Van Allen once told him that the alleged R. Kelly sex tape was actually created by two gentlemen from Kansas City named Chuck and Keith—heretofore unknown Wayans brothers?—as a scheme to extort Kelly.
By the end of the afternoon, her carnal knowledge of the alleged victim recedes from memory, replaced by a long list of accusations from Adam Sr. that seem less crazy the more you hear Van Allen talk—that she made herself cry on the stand, stole Kelly's $20,000 diamond-encrusted Rolex, conspired to extort money from the singer, offered to change her testimony for cash, and has a thing for men who've been convicted of federal bank fraud. (Van Allen's fiance Yul Brown, like onetime paramour Damon Pryor, has been convicted of federal fraud charges. And for what it's worth, Brown is wearing the most amazing outfit I've ever seen: an iridescent blue-green five-button suit that shifts color every time he takes a step, sort of like a hybrid between a Hypercolor T-shirt and a Magic Eye puzzle.)
Counter to Pryor's deposition, Van Allen denies that she ever said anything about "Chuck and Keith in Kansas City" making the sex tape at issue in this trial, or that her part of the scheme was to use her relationship with Kelly to extract "a few millions" from the R&B star. The Chuck-and-Keith theory might sound completely insane, except for the fact that Van Allen admits that she went to Kelly just last year with an offer to help him "recover" a different sex tape—one of the threesome videos featuring her, Kelly, and the alleged victim. She says that Kelly offered to pay $250,000 for the assistance of Lisa Van Allen Sex Tape Recovery Services Inc. Whom did she recover the tape from? One Keith Murrell of Kansas City. And how did he get the tape? Lisa Van Allen Sex Tape Thievery Services Inc. Van Allen admits that she's the one who originally swiped the threesome tape from Kelly—don't forget the second law of filming your sexual conquests!—though Adam Sr. strangely doesn't ask how the tape got to Kansas City. Murrell eventually came to Chicago with the tape, she says, and they watched it in a hotel room with a handful of "Robert's people." The singer's accountant then gave Van Allen and Kansas City Keith $20,000 apiece. The tape has never been seen again.
As the defense gets set to make its case, members of the jury must ponder whether they think it's more likely that Kelly, the Wayans Brothers, Ray Harryhausen, or Keith from Kansas City made that video.
According to the defense, DeRogatis is no mere journalist. Rather, he's in the same category as Lisa Van Allen, Keith from Kansas City, and Stephanie "Sparkle" Edwards—a charter member of the League of Kelly Haters and a possible hub in a wide-ranging conspiracy against the singer.
While the prosecution's forensic video guy made a convincing case that Kelly's Magic Marker-looking back mole is present on the tape, the defense will likely have experts of its own who will a) produce stills in which the mole cannot be seen, and b) argue that any rube with Final Cut Pro could paste R. Kelly into hard-core log-cabin porn. And Kelly's lawyers will continue to stress that there's a small band of disgruntled R&B singers, Kansas City residents, and Chicago newspaper reporters who had the motive to pull a Little Man.
Anyone Know a Good Forensic Hairstylist?:
But perhaps Hankerson's involvement gives the tape some authenticity, considering that he's someone with ready access to the singer rather than a distant bystander like, say, Keith from Kansas City. Speaking of which, Keith and his associate Chuck have announced plans to alight in Chicago on Thursday. In an interview with the Sun-Times, Charles "Chuck" Freeman denied faking the tape. "There's more to this case than R. Kelly," Freeman said. "We're gonna have a press conference Thursday when we get here and everyone will see." Bring it on, Chuck, bring it on.
The Debut of the "Ghost Sex" Defense:
It pays to be the life of the witness stand, by the way. While Palladino says he cleared between $10,000 and $15,000 to stay at the Four Seasons, Palm has earned $20,000 for spending four years analyzing digitized urine.
The safest sex is ghost sex.