Why the Brock Purdy Contract Stinks:

And these are the 49ers, for heaven’s sake: the franchise that never met a big-name veteran that it couldn’t alienate with its intermittent-fasting approach to contract negotiations.

Patrick Mahomes’ deal is carved in runes onto a glowing obelisk and therefore cannot be compared with mortal covenants.

That’s an evolved negotiation tactic when compared to the stance taken by quarterback agents of the 2010s and early 2020s: Carson had a wedding in Paris, so Trevor demands to have his on the moon.

Call it collusion if you like, but none of us need collusion to agree never to drink bleach.

If quarterback contracts used to be like regrettable budget-obliterating destination weddings, running back contracts used to be more like a sweaty divorcee tossing his car keys to a pole dancer.

... any fans who would rather watch the Eagles play fundamentalist Moneyball than line up for the Saquon sequels need to give themselves a bifurcating, worldview-resetting wedgie.