I’m going to acquire a taxidermied white man to help me avoid unwanted interactions with the police.
This led to the following exchange in the Facebook comments:
Steve: You realize that literally everyone will assume that it’s your sex doll, right?
Me: Have you learned nothing from the pioneering work of Bernie Lomax in this field?
Steve: The schlubs in Weekend at Bernie’s needed the constant presence of the corpse of a beloved Hampton Islands social fixture in order to keep them safe from what they thought was an active contract on their lives. You will only have ‘Jeremy’; the creepily real sex doll that everyone knows about but nobody acknowledges.* *except for when a co-worker approaches you and says, “You are NOT bringing ‘Jeremy’ to the holiday party. This is not a request.”
Muneer: So you’re saying I’m going to become Lars and the Real Girl?
Steve: I’m telling you this because I care.