This is a great tale about a woman getting back at her toxic family:
Here I am, writing this long tale in my honeymoon, but it does feel cathartic to finally type it out, and my husband is more excited about this than the resort drinks, lol Anyway, this is a throwaway because I don’t have a reddit account and my husband, the reddit fanatic, said he doesn’t want this associated with his main. As to why the reddit guy isn’t the one writing this, it’s because he said “since it’s my family, I should be the one with the honor of posting the story”, but he is looking over my shoulder to help out.
I’m not a lawyer so I don’t know if this works but: I do not give permission for this to be reposted anywhere else
So, I think first it’s necessary to give some background, to explain how this behavior reached this level, and why our responses were as they were. It’s a long read, I apologize.
So, ever since I could remember, my parents loved my sister more.
I don’t mean in subtle ways either. If my sister accused me of something, they’d believe it and punish me. If I accused her, they wouldn’t believe. Even if there was undeniable proof, they’d still give her a lesser punishment and try to find a way to scold me in tandem.
My birthday cake had to be a flavor she wanted. Hers did not, and my parents always denied knowing I didn’t like that type of cake. They always bought her a bit more than for me. We went to where she wanted, even if it was an event that should be about me.
My sister grew up spoiled and didn’t like me, just used me as a punching back. But at first she mostly ignored me. But then it got really bad when we were young teens.
I’m not sure what the cause and effect are, but she found herself with no friends and her behavior got worse. Did her friends move, did they ditch her because she was mean? I don’t know, because we were never close and my parents loved to boast about her achievements but never ever mentioned any issues (whereas with me, they loved to bring out any flaws of mine constantly as ‘teasing’ material). I only knew she had none because we went to the same school and I noticed her no longer walking around with people.
Anyway, she had no friends. I did. I used to be decently popular. My sister realized that and suddenly I stopped being the occasional punching bag to a hated person she needed to take down at all times. She started accusing me of more stuff. She accused my friends of more stuff. My parents stopped allowing me to hang out with anyone, the excuses ranging from “they’re not good people according to your sister” to “why are you trying to leave us, why cant you be like your sister and enjoy family time?”.
What saved me from complete isolation was extended family. Most of my family lived in the same hometown, and I got along with my cousins despite some age difference. At one gathering, they invited me over to something (I don’t remember what), and I sadly replied I’m not allowed to go anywhere. When asked why, my kid self with no filter replied that it was because I wasn’t allowed to have friends since my sister didn’t have any.
Well, that reached the adults. Who apparently tore my parents apart. Later I was scolded for lying and grounded (as if I had anywhere to go) for a month. But after that they allowed me some leeway, so it was worth it.
And my sister changed schools. I guess the humiliation of extended family knowing her social status was bad and she demanded to be changed. And my parents immediately obliged, even though it cost them more since the school was further away. But she made friends on the new school. However, she never went back to the previous status quo of mostly ignoring me. I guess having felt the power of how badly she could screw with me, and anger that I told family she had no friends, she never let me go.
My life was still bad. Her friends would come over and bully me and my parents called it light teasing. I never called friends over because my parents were awful hosts to them, or my sister would accuse them of taking stuff and they’d believe it. I did become close to my cousins though, since my parents never dared do any of that to family.
And then I got my first boyfriend. I didn’t want to bring him home at all, but my parents insisted. Well, at one point we were separated and he came to find me to tell me my sister was flirting with him. By which he meant, she came over with skimpy clothing, batting her eyelashes really badly and started telling him how bad I was and how good she was. He was irked and ran off to find me.
Of course, my sister told my parents a different tale: that my bf had instead tried to flirt with her, but she naturally refused since how could she do that to me. Guess who my parents believed.
Now, my bf wasn’t perfect but… I immediately believed him. For a mean reason. But remember that back then I was a teen and suffering from the unfair bad treatment. I was very resentful and moody and now hated my sister as much as she hated me. With that disclaimer out of the way… let’s talk about looks. I hadn’t mentioned them yet because they weren’t relevant. My parents were/are overweight. And since they liked showing love via food (giving you more food, buying treats etc), my sister was/is also overweight, whereas I was/am not (in fact I’ve always been kind of skinny because punishment often included no treats or snacks). OBVIOUSLY, weight isn’t what matters, personality is. But my sister even then was already rude and spoiled, even her flirting attempts were bad because she never learned to work for anything since she could demand and my parents would deliver. Added to that the fact that she didn’t look like some sexy model… even my self conscious teen self didn’t believe my bf would try and cheat on me with her.
Anyway, my parents prohibited me from dating such a horrible boy. I did try to keep going in secret but it was hard and the relationship ended. I did get another, but again my sister accused him of flirting with her when he refused her advances. Again my parents believed her. I tried pointing out how this happened again, but they decided that meant I was incapable of making good choices and kept picking bad boyfriends. The relationship couldn’t handle the romeo juliet situation, and fizzled out again. I would eventually get called a slut in highschool, as I was fine with making out with boys and such but refused to have relationships. Thankfully it never got back to my sister or parents.
My sister did bring one boyfriend home during all this time. He was paraded with pride, and my parents spent every second telling me how good he was, and why couldn’t I be like my sister and find myself someone like that. Until he stopped showing up, and suddenly he was conniving bastard that tricked my sister. Oh well.
And the unequal treatment continued at this time. She had more spending money, her curfews were much better than mine, she was free to go anywhere at anytime while I couldn’t. If I pointed it out, my parents would say it’s because she’s older. But when I reached that age, I still didn’t have the same treatment she had, and when pointed out, they’d deny they ever said that or claim it was because I couldn’t be trusted like she was (using my sister’s accusations against my bf and friends as proof of my bad judgment).
Time goes by, and it’s time for my sister to graduate. She was accepted into a college. Not a very well regarded one, and she had no scholarship or anything. Again, because only her achievements were told to me, I don’t know which colleges she even tried for, so I can’t say how badly she was rejected. I do know her grades were bad in school though, because whenever she got a B we would celebrate (I would usually get good grades but my parents refused to celebrate, claiming since I always got those, what was there to celebrate?). My parents, naturally, made a lot of fanfare and told her they’d pay for everything. I was relieved she’d be going away. Not that it made my life any easier. She’d always come home every other weekend and somehow stuff kept missing from her room or some other issue she’d think of to make my life miserable. My curfews were still strict, etc.
Eventually, my mom came to talk to me about my impending graduation (I’m only a year younger than my sister). She told me since they were paying for my sister’s college, they had no money to pay for mine. So it would be “better” for me to start working immediately after graduation and waiting until my sister finished uni to see if they could afford something for me. Oh, and if I decided to stay at home, I’d have to pay for all my stuff, part of the bills, and rent.
I pointed out I could get student loans. Mom said yes… except no. That is, because they were so caring towards me, and I had such bad judgement, they would decide if a college was worth my getting in debt or not. I’m not sure how they’d stop me from getting loans, but I didn’t ask. Scholarships weren’t mentioned. They had no idea what my grades were anymore, and never believed in my capabilities.
Anyway, I didn’t bat an eyelid. I simply said okay. My mom clearly didn’t expect that and kept pushing. Maybe she hoped I’d throw a tantrum so they’d have an excuse to not ever pay for my college. But I said nothing except I understood their position, thanked them for caring and that was that. My dad later tried the same but I also refused to be emotional.
You see, after a whole lifetime of their terrible parenting, I NEVER had any expectations towards my education. I knew they would find an excuse to not pay for mine and make my life miserable. I never believed they would eventually pay it if I worked and waited for my sister to graduate. I had been preparing for college for a long time. I could barely go out, my friendships were slim, so I had a lot of time to study. And study I did, because I saw college as my only chance to be free.
Well, the time came and I worked my ass off and got a scholarship. Not to anywhere like Ivy league or anything like law or medical school. But it was a good enough course, in a decent college, with a full scholarship. Knowing my sister would hate it and try to stop me via parents, I put my achievement in social media at the same time I told them. Even forced myself to thank them in the post. Now they couldn’t forbid me from going, as they’d have to explain to family why not. Initially they were even a little proud and boasting about it.
And then I guess my sister got to them, and they changed gears and even asked me if I was sure I wanted to go. They let slip my sister wasn’t doing well in college, and since she was smarter and had better judgement than me, I’d suffer worse. I obviously stuck to my guns. They weren’t happy but couldn’t do anything.
College was my savior. I started being happy. I still contacted my parents and visited on holidays and such, but since they refused to pay for anything, I could excuse not going a lot due to money. During this time, I avoided introducing any man to them. And my sister stopped going to college (I know she didn’t graduate because, again, they’d have made a fanfare about it), moved back home (paying no bills or rent but “it’s different” my parents said) and started working at the same company as my mom, obviously thanks to my mom pulling strings. This was all sold to me as a source of pride. Oh well.
Almost there I promise!
I met my husband around this time. You know those people that say that “if I was in X situation, I’d have done something”? My husband is the type that really does. I’m the person that is meek and a doormat in any situation and then can’t sleep at night wishing I had done something, had thought of something witty to say etc. I’m the person that can’t help but cry when I’m angry. My husband is the guy that claps back immediately. He loves drama, in that he loves to resolve it. He’s the guy that if he doesn’t immediately reply to a slight, you better start worrying because he won’t forgive and forget, he’s just stewing something worse for revenge. He’s the one that wanted me to post here. And wanted to post on a nuclear revenge board too, but decided what we did wasn’t nuclear.
People were baffled I got together with him. But just because I was incapable (thanks to my upbringing probably) of acting like him, it didn’t mean I didn’t like it. I love that my husband does what I can’t. And he treats people well as long as they do the same to him.
When we discussed marriage, we decided we didn’t care much about the ceremony due to our budget, as we’d rather spend on a dream trip to Europe for our honeymoon. As for where to do it, since his family was spread out and mine was still mostly concentrated in my hometown, we decided to do it there. We weren’t living too far off either, so we could take some long trips during the weekends to manage stuff. Plus there was some work flexibility, so we could say in my hometown for a bit too if needed. We sent out the engagement announcement and the save the date for a few months later.
Well, at this point my parents naturally demanded they meet my man. I wanted to grow a spine and refuse, but was having a hard time. The distance had made me think maybe my parents weren’t so bad. Well, my husband looked like I cancelled Christmas when I told him I would at least ensure they were never alone with him. See, he had been getting ready for this. He even bought a high quality recorder he could hide in a pocket to record it all. He was stoked, thinking of all the ways he could refuse my sister’s advances, insult her, and then spread the recording of her attempts to my family.
So, off he went alone and excited to meet them. And came back later euphoric. “Babe! Babe! You won’t believe the awful shit they wanted! Babe! We can fuck them over so bad, there’s so many possibilities!”
I was confused, and wanted to hear the recording but he, smartly, told me it was better to listen to him first or else I’d misunderstand him.
Well… he went there, and instead of the flirting, my parents and my sister sat him down. After some grumbling about not being okay with him, my judgement etc, they proclaimed they were willing to pay for my wedding… on one condition. My sister would walk down the isle on my wedding first. In a wedding dress.
Their excuses were that it wasn’t okay for a younger sister to marry first, so it was only fair if my sister had at least the experience of it. On my venue. With pictures being taken, and the dress, and she’d have a cake later too etc.
My husband will now type his part: hey! vengeaful husband here, hell hath no fury like a prorevenge/instantkarma/nuclearrevenge lurker when his beloved is scorned! That said, as much as my wife (teehee, she’s my wife now!!) paints me as this quick witted dude, I admit my neurons all but shortcircuited when those folks legit suggested that shit like some sort of great fucking gift. Even Troy would rather take in the horse a second time, methinks. Alas, after my brain rebooted, I did have a whole ass catalog of insults about to spew out, but something in my soul whispered in my ear like the devil: string these fucks along. So I said I needed to think, see how my wife (back then fiance) would react, and then ran out of there before I could give away my nefarious plans.
Back to me, the wife: So, my husband sincerely recounted how my parents wanted even my wedding to be about my sister, with a grin on his face. And had the recording to prove it. I was shocked. The distance had softened how bad they treated me. And I thought even they wouldn’t go so far. Thankfully, my husband insisting on the angle of revenge helped me not go to a bad headspace. We had a blast thinking up ways to screw them over this. From ridiculously outlandish to what we thought was feasible.
We then called his much more level headed brother when we decided on a plan. It involved having two venue addresses, giving them the wrong one etc. Well, level headed brother scolded us for it. While he acknowledged he would never be able to convince us from retaliation, he at least showed us something like that would be hard to pull off. Some of our other ideas were also at danger of getting sued.
So we eventually settled for the most benign plan: Act like we agreed, but then hire security and don’t let her in.
Obviously, if that was all, it wouldn’t be prorevenge.
The rest is all mostly my husband, by he wants me to do the honors so here goes. Just important to mention, everything he did was previously discussed with me, and were our mutual ideas:
He went back to my parents. Said he probed and thought I wouldn’t be down with it. However, he didn’t see the issue and, not wanting family to fall apart, would be down to helping them do it.
He pointed out I don’t like conflict, so if I was surprised with it, I might not throw a tantrum in front of all the people. On the other hand, marriage IS a big thing, so who knew if I’d lash out.
Thus he suggested a compromise: they’d help pay for stuff. This way, I would feel even more pressure to not say anything, as not only would we be public (well, with our families there), but I’d be grateful to the help they gave and that’d mollify me.
He said my parents looked surprised, by my grown sister starting skipping with joy. Literally so, like a kid. So it was accepted.
IMPORTANT: my husband also claimed that due to some bad judgement in boyfriends in the past (These words were all my idea and I’m so so proud of using their words against then lol), I was distrustful and controlling and liked to check his phone and stuff to ensure he wasn’t cheating on me. As such, it was imperative that NOTHING of this plan was ever put in any writing. For any discussion pertaining to my sister walking down the aisle before me, he’d go over to their house to talk.
And so began the months of deception. Where my parents and sister thought they were tricking me, and my husband and I were milking them.
How? Well, rather than pay for the wedding than lay low, of course my parents wanted input in everything.
Some stuff that meant a lot to me (the songs and color palette), my husband would convince them to let it go to “keep me in line”. But since we never really cared for the ceremony to begin with, everything else was game… or so they thought.
What we did was thus: we’d go, say, to check the drink and menu options. We’d then accept the lowest or second lowest priced option. My husband would then “secretly” take my sister there to also try it out, then sigh and say it’s a pity we don’t want to abuse my parents goodwill so we wouldn’t get the best options.
Cue my sister demanding my parents pay for the best. My parents would then tell me not to worry and they’d pay for the most expensive. Same was done with photographer.
Flowers: My husband handed my sister a bouquet of the flowers we wanted, then sadly expressed how I wanted some other, tasteless flowers. Cue my parents telling me they wanted us to go with said flowers and they’d pay for it.
Wedding dress: we hit a minor snag here. My parents wanted me to use a hideous dress. Okay, not outright hideous, but it wasn’t my stile and wouldn’t look that good on me. We had planned on saying yes then simply not using it, but my mom sent me a message about it, so there’d be proof I said okay.
We had to go with me refusing in text, and standing my ground. My husband went over there and said he’d “see what he could do”. My sister suggested ruining my desired dress so I’d be forced to wear the other one. He pretended to agree.
During all this time, they really kept communications outside any text. We made sure that’d happen by, when my sister tried messaging my husband, have me reply to hear. This solidified the “I’m controlling and neurotic” claims my husband was making. So they believed it and never risked anything in writing.
(And maybe some people might not like the thought of their partner going around and talking badly about them to family. But I’m such a doormat that the thought of being painting as this controlling and dangerous bitch is extremely funny to me, and I egged him on to do it. I guess I have a warped sense of funny lol)
Oh, and my sister did try to flirt with him, but he acted conflicted.
Also, to really sell that he was with them, my husband would pretend to tell them things without my knowledge.
But he never told them we hired security.
It was really funny. My husband and I, who had sincerely considered a courthouse wedding to focus cost on our honeymoon, having this extravagant, expensive wedding, and barely spending a dime. We called it “backpay for emotional damages” from my parents, lol
I think my husband (okay, he just confirmed I’m right lol) was enjoying the whole tricking them more than planning our wedding lol I didn’t think it was possible to witness a guy beaming at the thought of wasting his whole Saturday doing a car trip to discuss wedding details with his in laws, but here we are.
Soon the day came. The plan my parents/sister/husband had come up with was: wait until everyone was seated. Since the bride always comes out late, they’d have my sister arrive at that precise time (to avoid me seeing her and trying to stop it), and walk down the isle. By the time I heard what happened, it’d be too late to do anything.
As for my dress: we saved some of the leftover fabric from my dress alterations, and my husband took that to my parents place (sister still lives with them even now), and showed them as proof he’d ruined the dress. Than said he had to go back to me as I was raging and he needed to calm me down, he’d see them at the wedding.
We made sure to keep our actual security hidden at first. As the guests and my parents arrived, all they could see was a woman with a list of names to check. Only after my parents arrived and sat down did we bring out security. A guy that looked like a bodyguard. We told him to not allow anyone my sister in, and even agreed on paying a handsome tip if he didn’t reveal we told him that.
Soon the time arrived. My parents got a text my sister was less than 5minutes away, so my dad went and told people to start. My bridesmaids had been told to follow his lead beforehand, so they obeyed without checking with me. After they all went down and took their places, my dad stood up at the entrance, as if waiting for me.
During this, a friend not in the wedding party texted me to get ready. This because if my husband or bridesmaids etc took out a phone and started texting, people might notice. This friend was in on the plan. She’s my husband’s friend, as willing to help stir drama as he is and didn’t care about being a bridesmaid or anything.
Well, as soon as my dad took his position, the bridal song started playing, the doors open and… I come in.
My dad looked aghast at me being there. He tried glancing behind me, but you can’t see the venue entrance from where we were, so he couldn’t see what happened to my sister.
And then his phone rang, I saw the caller ID and it was her. He just… left me there with a mumbled “something came up”.
There were gasps and confusion all around. The friend in on it, loudly asked what happened. I lied and in a teary voice said he told me “it wasn’t supposed to be me there”.
(It’s not what he said, but my husband and I agreed that if he dared leave me, I should say that to make him look the worst possible. As for the tears, I wish I could say it was just my stellar acting, but no. Despite everything, a part of me didn’t think he’d go as far as abandon me there. That the sister thing wasn’t true but an elaborate joke. I don’t know. I was hurt, still am, so I was sincerely trying not to cry)
The friend then loudly went “What did he mean by it shouldn’t be you???” so that as many people as possible could hear and spread it, then went “I Will go and check!” and ran off. We decided to do this to make her create hell with the security and stop my dad from coming back and stopping the ceremony or something. At some point my mom also left.
At this point, my husband’s dad quickly ran over and took my arm. He’d been forewarned he might need to. Watching him run desperately to me helped me smile.
I walked down the isle to whispers as people discussed what happened. Some apparently left to check too. When I reached my husband though, all was well. He made me feel better joking my sad face was so real I deserved an Oscar, and don’t worry, he’d rake them over the coals for what they did lol
We got married without a hitch. My parents didn’t come back. I did notice a lot of people leaving then coming back during the party, but no one dared tell me what was happening. Someone did come and whisper in my husband’s ear and he went out. He came back after a while, with a thunderous expression, but whispered in my ear he needed to go hide somewhere before he broke character and started smiling lol
Well, what happened is… it worked! The following is the summed account from friends, family, the security guy and my husband, that I received afterwards:
My sister did arrive in a wedding dress. The security refused to let her in. Per our agreement, he claimed she must be in the wrong venue because there was already a bride. And yes, we tipped him really well as promised. My dad went there and tried threatening him with police, claiming he never heard of him, so he couldn’t be working there. The security agreed to the police, since he was hired by us and doing his job. My dad realized by then it’d be too late and tried to demand he let my sister in.
At this point the friend came over started shouting and insulting my sister and asking what was going on. Basically stalling. My mom soon came and eventually other people.
At this point the wedding plan was bust. All my parents could do now is damage control as everyone that learned about it was aghast they’d try and pull it and screaming and berating them. The three naturally said it wasn’t a secret, and threw my husband under the bus.
At this point my husband was summoned. When he came over he put on his best look of confusion and denied, denied, denied. To quote him: gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss lol. He denied having ever agreed to something so ridiculous. When they insisted he did, he demanded proof and of course, they couldn’t produce any. All text exchanges they could produce were about normal wedding decisions.
My sister was scream crying and apparently sat on the floor kicking her legs like a kid. My dad looked like he’d beat my husband, but security and other people held him back. Of course, they said they had no proof because my husband told them not to text. My husband laughed and said “wow, how convenient huh?” then again repeated why would he EVER agree to something so fucked up. Tore them a new one about being awful parents, then said he wasn’t going to let their stupid plans and lying get in the way of his wedding and went back to me.
No one believed them. The venue had cameras but they refused to show me the recording as that was only for security purposes. But some people filmed parts of it. Watching my parents and sister get ripped apart by any and everyone that came out to check the drama was delicious. After years and years of being accused of stuff and not believed, to watch them have a taste was one of the best wedding gifts. My mother was crying, my dad kept changing from purple to white, my sister was still on the floor crying and screaming. They kept insisting on that my husband was in on it. But people kept asking why would my husband agree, why was there no proof, why did they want my sister to do this to my wedding? And they had no good answer to any of it
Eventually they were told to leave and had no choice but to do so. My dad apparently had to drag my sister up as she refused to leave the ground.
Again, people said nothing to me all night. I guess they wanted to spare me. And maybe it’s because I was the bride and not just a guest for once, but it did feel like everyone was making extra effort to be nice, positive and excited about everything. My husband says “all the expensive shit they were eating drinking certainly helps” lol.
We had a blast. My husband maintained the forced angry face for only a short while before breaking out in smiles again.
After that we went to the hotel to catch some sleep before going to our honeymoon.
(Speaking of which, my parents did try to pay for our plane tickets, but we thought that was risky as they could try and cancel them or something so we refused)
Of course, since that whole thing the three have tried to contact me. I’ve refused calls, because my husband insisted on keeping a papertrail. I smart thing, because my sister did eventually message me. I won’t repeat it as it was very unhinged and didn’t make much sense, but the important part was that she blamed me for her humiliation, called my husband a two faced snake that fooled them for months (he wants to print and put that on our wall lol) and hoped (but was also certain it’d happen) that I’d get cheated on by him. She did also suggest he was cheating on me with her, actually.
My husband took my phone, screenshot the call logs, screenshot my sister’s message, screenshot some messages of my parents demanding I pick up the phone… and sent it all to my family group chat. And sent screenshots of messages to him, where they called him names and threatened him (but he kept up the “you’re delusional, I never agreed to anything” shtick, and even threatened to sue them for defamation and harassment). He wrote a message in said group chat begging my family for help, as I was now being harassed by them constantly. He begged family to help stop them from trying to ruin my honeymoon now that they had failed to ruin my wedding. Then finished neatly with a request that they don’t share our locations, to avoid my parents sending my sister over and then claiming he had somehow agreed to pretend to fuck her in our honeymoon suite. LOL. My family assured him they’d take care of it.
And indeed, since then we’ve had silence. My husband is a little disappointed my sister didn’t disobey, so he could tattle again while tearing her a new asshole. We’ll see if it’ll last.
All in all, while I obviously would preferred to have a normal loving family at my wedding, at least for once in my life they not only failed to ruin something meaningful to me, but I got them back.
Extra info:
Do I know why they treat me like this? I’ve been asked this question a lot so I assume you all will think the same. I have wondered this all my life, and I still don’t know. I tried asking when I was young, but they denied any difference and scolded me for acting spoiled, so I quit trying. I’ve thought of some many possibilities, but based on my observations I think it’s this: I was unplanned. They took a while to have my sister, so she was not only wanted but also like a miracle child after so long. However, given our age difference is quite small… I think they didn’t expected to have a kid so soon or easily, and didn’t use adequate protection way too soon after my sister’s birth. And maybe didn’t notice my mom was pregnant until too late. So they were saddled with an unplanned baby while still dealing with a newborn. And they’re not that well off, so having the extra expense likely didn’t help. So they resented me. But that’s my conjecture. Regardless, I’ve accepted the answer won’t truly matter: what they did to me was unwarranted no matter what.
Did they really think this would work? My husband and I talked, and we have the theory that they never wanted to do this at all. We think my sister threw a tantrum over me getting married first when she barely gets dates, and they gave my husband that outlandish proposition. As in, they didn’t want to pay for my wedding and didn’t think we’d accept or that it’d even look good for them to do it. But by suggesting it and being refused, they could look like the good guys to my sister while having an excuse to not give me a dime. But then my husband accepted it, and they couldn’t backtrack, or else risk my sister turning on them.