So I’ve been fooling around with this girl for awhile now and naturally we’ve cycled through all your standard vanilla kinks and things were starting to wind down a bit. This wasn’t a big deal though as neither of us is interested in anything more than casual sex so there’s no pressure to keep things fresh and exciting.
That being said, a little bit ago she randomly messaged me saying she has something naughty to share and sends me cellphone footage of her with a vibrator doing some impressive pornography-grade squirting. She goes on to talk about how excited she is for teaching herself how, and we proceed to make plans to explore this further. Next thing I know she’s cumming in my face like a chinese firefighter trying to extinguish a burning chemical factory while I’m right there dumping fuel on the flames.
Now, before I get carried away here, I’ll just say, I’m a [M] nurse by trade, and I have no delusions about what’s really going on. I can tell exactly where her ‘juices’ are coming from, and I’ve made peace with the fact that the girl is pissing in my face while I go down on her, no big deal.
So finally, to the point. She’s been squirting in my face for a few weeks now and I’ve gotten enough in my mouth to know how it tastes. The most surprising thing about the experience is the fact that her piss didn’t taste at all like I’d thought it would. Ranging from unflavored Gatorade to that bland tea they serve you at oriental restaurants (that you dump sugar packets into). I thought it was a fluke at first, but after repeatedly testing this observation, I’m quite certain that her piss tastes sweet, sometimes blatantly so.
The perverted side of me thought all this was kinky as hell, so I really didn’t think on it too much until this morning. I just woke up and had a weird nurse’s epiphany about it. Sweet urine. Glucose urine. Glycosuria. Jesus Christ. I’m a fucking dumbass. I race over to my bag where I keep my backup glucometer for work, wake her bleary-eyed ass up, and pricked her finger to check her blood sugar. 441. Fuck! Recheck. 453. Shit!! Asymptomatic, but hyperglycemic as fuck. She’s got the Beetus. Diabetes. I broke the news as gently as I could, which was something to the tune of “Holy shit fuck! That’s some serious fucking diabetes! Call your doctor!” Hysterics ensued. So now she’s out to the doctors office and possibly the urgent care clinic for treatment, and I’m sitting here trying figure out a good cover story for how I knew..
TLDR; TIFU by breaking some bad news to a girl after she “squirted” in my face and I diagnosed her with diabetes after realizing her piss was unnaturally sweet.
UPDATE: Insert the obligatory “omg this went supernova!!1” .. On a serious note though, thanks for the reddit golden shower. This has been a long day and I haven’t felt this cool on the Internet since that time I used a voice modulator in an MMORPG to convince my guild I was a black guy.
To bring things current, the girl is doing fine now, they’ve ran more thorough tests and strongly suspect she’s a type 1 diabetic, but it’ll take a few days and tests to confirm the preliminary results. She’s got a lot on her mind, all I can think about though is how we went from casual fuck buddies to irreversibly connected by the act of getting her piss in my mouth.
Still, the response has been hilariously fantastic. While there’s a lot of contention on whether this is a fuck up, I’ll just say that a couple factors had stuck out to me personally that framed it like that, such as the fact that it took weeks for me to piece this all together, my majorly panicked reaction to it, and the resulting state of hysteria I had caused after scaring the girl half to death. That all kind of overshadowed the lucky guess I made, in my mind anyway. No longer though! Right now I feel like the fucking man, thanks for helping me see the cloud’s golden lining!