Ingredients for 21 year old Muneer to have a great time:

WITH strip_club AS 
(SELECT *
FROM world.gentlemansclubs
WHERE dancer.status != 'pregnant'
	AND cover.charge IS NULL),
WITH shawtys AS
(SELECT *
FROM world.women
WHERE bitchy IS NULL
	AND MAX(DTF)
	AND MIN(commitment)
	AND clinger.stage < 5)
liquor AS
(SELECT *
FROM world.drinks
WHERE liquor.type NOT IN(‘wine’,’tequila’),
WITH video_games AS
(SELECT *
FROM games.systems
WHERE systems.type NOT IN(‘Atari 2600’, ‘Commodore 64’)
	AND game.title != ‘Battletoads’),
SELECT *
FROM tear_da_club_up
LEFT JOIN shawtys
LEFT JOIN strip_club
LEFT JOIN liquor
LEFT JOIN video_games
ORDER BY fun DESC

This is a compilation of the best Chiefss comments from Drew Magary and others on Deadspin and Defector.

Why Your Team Sucks: Kansas City Chefs:

I Have Created A Turkey Fiend:

Tuesday morning she posts up, staring intensely at me, swishing the tip of her tail in frustration. She is not meowing. She is locked in. She is furious. I do not think she knows exactly what she’s mad at me for, beyond that I have previously displayed the ability to provide her with turkey, and I am not currently doing that.

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In college, me and my roommates were looking for stuff to buy that was cheap and would be filling. We happened upon Stovetop stuffing. Once we made it, we immediately went back out and bought enough for the next 2 weeks and ate it at dinner every night. Thus began a love affair that has never abated. I’ll still crush some Stovetop!

Dude, when I worked for JPMorgan, I remember reading something that chilled me to my core.

The intranet had an article that was something like “A Day in the Life of An Analyst”.

When I was living with my parents after law school, I was forced to help with painting a room. It was mostly me sitting there, not being able to do anything because if I wasn’t paying full attention, I’d get lectured. Eventually, we stopped painting the room actively and dad would paint a little bit after every couple of weeks or a month.

My dad was super proud of how he was able to precisely paint the edges. He’s like, “Maybe I need to do this professionally!” I told him most of his clients would expect a job to be measured in days rather than decades.

Business in the Front, Party in the Back:

Can anyone explain why the Ute is popular in Australia?

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» Sheed and Stack in the Big Apple:

Stackhouse is poker-faced, but approachable — and yet he’s always been considered an old-school tough guy who shouldn’t be crossed under any circumstances.

Read More

The American Nightmare Is A Rerun:

Young voters do not look at our politics and see any good guys,” a pollster told Semafor in May. “They see a dying empire led by bad people.”

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I know of a shadowy figure known only as ‘Uncle Cecil’ through my former barber. Uncle Cecil was selling specially programmed Amazon Fire sticks that could get you access to all the legacy cable channels.

I was banned from any dealings with Uncle Cecil by my wife when I first learned of him. But perhaps it’s worth revisiting in this increasingly fractured media landscape.

This Is the Dark, Unspoken Promise of Trump’s Return:

For those bewildered by why so many Americans apparently voted against the values of liberal democracy, Balint Magyar has a useful formulation. “Liberal democracy,” he says, “offers moral constraints without problem-solving” — a lot of rules, not a lot of change — while “populism offers problem-solving without moral constraints.”

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I was in the Dubai airport in 2006, and they had a kiosk with computers for travelers to use. Saw a dude with 5 Yahoo Messenger windows open, video chatting to various women. I admired his hustle and ability to juggle multiple priorities simultaneously.

I told a pal that I would storm her beach wedding if I wasn’t invited. She told me there was no way I’d ever do it.

I replied, “Hey, I’m a person with the 2 things needed to make this happen: disposable income and a sense of whimsy.”

I had a former friend who said that he felt that the man needs to guide all the women in the family. And then I was like, “Well then who’s guiding them, cuz you ain’t a real man.”

Yesterday, in addition to this country proving it’s racist and stupid, Missouri passed ballot measure to legalize sports betting and protect abortion rights.

I can’t help joking in my grief so I told some pals, “Now you can lay $50 on the alt spread for the Chiefs-Raiders while driving your sidepiece to Planned Parenthood.

The Democrats are a center right party. They abandoned being progressive when Jimmy Carter got smoked by Ronald Reagan in 1980. Bill Clinton put forth many policies that were conservative, like welfare reform and the amendment defining marriage as being between a man and woman. Same thing with Obama. Biden is the most progressive president we’ve had in decades.

I read a book right after the 2016 election by Thomas Frank called Listen, Liberal which opened my eyes to these facts about the Dems. Great read if you’re interested.

Robert Adolph Boehm Obituary:

Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on October 6, 2024, shortly before tripping backward over “some stupid mother**ing thing” and hitting his head on the floor.

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Shortly after I got to the US, a bunch of kids at school said it was Halloween night and that they were so excited to get some candy. My ears perked up and I asked them for more info. They explained that they went to door to door and got free candy.

Me: So you’re begging for candy? American kid: NO! IT’S HALLOWEEN! Me: You go to each house, ask them for candy, and don’t have to pay for it? Kid: Yeah Me: That’s called begging where I’m from.

My company recently started working in Agile. I’ve been in pseudo-Agile environments before, aka a bunch of little waterfalls that management wants to think is Agile. This post gave me some food for thought.

I Will Fucking Haymaker You If You Mention Agile Again: