Jewels from Shammgod
Here are a couple of funny passages from "The Word of God" by God Shammgod:
Posts tagged with "funny"
40 posts found
First Dominican president
We going to find out that Jared Kushner was born in Santo Domingo and his name was Ernesto Gonzalez. Charles Kushner was originally a mechanic who won the seed money for his real estate empire in a...
Cocoa Trump
Talking to my pal E about recent actions by the Trump administration: E: muneer let's make our own gov't! Me: I would be just as corrupt as Trump. I can't be trusted with power! I'd be out here...
Religious clapback
From Tumblr: One of the biggest power moves I have here in the midwest when someone is being racist, sexist, homophobic is that I tell them that I’ll pray for them so that god can grace them with...
Burr on Musk
Bill Burr saying what we all think about Elon Musk: “That guy, who evidently is a Nazi. Like, I just refuse to believe that it was an accidental, two-times Sieg heil, and he does it at a presidential...
Jimmy Butler's nonsense
Jimmy Butler is a Toxic Ex: Butler is not a people pleaser. He’s not for everybody. On the one hand, he strikes me as a no-nonsense guy. On the other hand, he tends to bring about a good deal of...
You wanted to be in the game
My pal Steve about my soon to be ex brother-in-law: For christmas, you should get him a leisure suit, some white shoes and a medallion, drop it in front of him and say, "you wanted to be in the game,...
White Halloween costumes
Big catch
Love how disgusted this dude looks about his huge catch.
NBA nicknames
They're wrong for that Drew Gooden nickname! Is hunting for big NBA free agents obsolete? Plus, remembering the wildest Mavericks trades: You can see Lamar Mundane there for Ellis, along with Silent...
Head injury
Amazon subscription
Best line today: They have a recurring Amazon subscription to the audacity!
What I really said
This comment from Reddit is epic: I had recess duty a few years ago. A kindergarten girl came running over with another girl right after her and said “She called me the b-word.” When I asked the...
Black dudes
Toyota Corolla
I love this ad so much: You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999...
Legal destiny
My destiny as an attorney was to become a corrupt judge nicknamed Judge Bread.
A's to Sacramento
The A's to Sacramento is a done deal. An MLB team will play in front of a 10000 person capacity crowd for the 2025-27 seasons. They get to share the stadium with the Giants AAA team. I'd see about...
Hyperfocuses
From Twitter: Sometimes people ask me how I know all the random shit I know (with varying levels of politeness and belief in its veracity) and I all I got is > I have ADHD, an Internet connection,...
Vanity plate fail
Be better
I told my best friend about some ill advised financial moves that ended up working for me. His response, "I'm just saying, if you're going to be a full-on bro, don't be "invests sports bet money in...
Dreams, they can come true
Independent contractor
Kids unwinding
Obama talking trash
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/MECsuuNSEpQ" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media;...
Samurai code
Get them ribs right
<iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zCLpRR-wVo0" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe> I appreciate this man's dedication to late night grilling.
Grindr
2 Chainz
The child must not be an obstacle
Sech
I was forced to warn my good pal about this man. The following is an excerpt from that conversation: Muneer: This man is the greatest natural predator of Latinas today. He lures them in with a mix of...
Best type of story
Fine sports car
I was alleged to have written this. Believe me, I'd claim it if I had.
Mr. Big Chest
Active shooter
Bill Belichick conspiracy theory
I love this Reddit conspiracy theory about Belichick: The Bill Belchick Theory, someone else posted this before in r/nfl. Target: New York Jets Bill Belichick does not like the New York Jets. This...
Suffering from success
From the Wikipedia entry for DJ Khaled: After going to a doctor due to a bald spot on his beard the doctor told him he was “suffering from success” which inspired the album title.
It's not right, but it's OK
Today, I conclusively proved to my wife that if something is not O.K., it is right. If we accept noted logician Whitney Houston's 1999 theorem, "It's Not Right, But It's OK", then we must accept that...
Forgetting my roots
I was once screamed at by a woman outside the Monterey Bay Aquarium for not being proud of my Latino heritage.
Beyonce The Wonder Chicken
And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles.: This is one of the funniest things I've ever read
Hate the game
With one exchange, my self-identity has been thrown into doubt: Steve: Hate the game, not the player... Me: You can be a player. I'm more like a coach or an owner. Steve: As such, you represent the...