Never have dreams
The commenter emails are some of the best parts of these articles. Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Minnesota Vikings: Gary Anderson signed a photo for me at the Festival Foods in Chanhassen during the 1998...
Posts tagged with "sports"
108 posts found
I had lost a piece of myself
Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Denver Broncos: I remember growing up with my grandfather and father yelling at the TV whenever they watched football. I always thought it was silly to get angry about a...
Octogenarian Florida real-estate ghouls
Tanier had to come back to dress down the Dolphins. Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Miami Dolphins: The podcast intelligentsia has since soured on McDaniel, perhaps because we have all become a little wary...
He will spend his off-hours assembling four-legged parlays
Once I finished the Bears piece, I had to read Tanier's takedown of the 2024 Titans. Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Tennessee Titans: Callahan also happens to be the son of Bill Callahan, the early-2000s...
Caleb Williams' sovereign citizen gambit
Mike Tanier was brought in to address Caleb Williams' various machinations in his first year with the Bears. Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Chicago Bears: The Bears were spiraling along at Step 1/Phase 3...
Seeking out happiness
Why Your Team Sucks: Las Vegas Raiders: Geno Smith, largely on the say-so of Carroll, who helped resurrect his career in Seattle. In three years, he brushed off the stain of being a Jet, but somehow...
2025 MLB Trade Deadline thoughts
Talking to a few folks at work about the MLB trade deadline, I said the following: Draftkings' Fraud Detection Department was the only team that could end the Guardians' dominance in the division....
T-Wolves logo
Balk rules
Another great bit of writing from Jon Bois: Balk Rules > You can’t just be up there and just doin’ a balk like that. 1a. A balk is when you 1b. Okay well listen. A balk is when you balk the 1c. Let...
Doubling down on sin
The BYU QB, Jake Retzlaff, was going to be suspended for 7 games because he admitted to having premartial sex. My man told them to go to hell, went to the transfer portal, and is going to Tulane. He...
A darker Never Been Kissed
Sports Memery had this banger about Larry Bird and Shawn Kemp: Few people know the connection between Larry Bird and Shawn Kemp. At age 33, Bird discovered that teenage phenom Shawn Kemp had...
The Saga of Darnold
Darnold and CJ Stroud: After the Texans game, Sam Darnold approached CJ Stroud, who had been sacked five times, to offer some advice. "Stop taking those hits," Darnold said, giving Stroud a pat on...
Haliban memes
I'm loving the Haliban memes!
Alienation as a negotiation tactic
Why the Brock Purdy Contract Stinks: And these are the 49ers, for heaven’s sake: the franchise that never met a big-name veteran that it couldn’t alienate with its intermittent-fasting approach to...
Cohort of bigots
Box Score Banter: The Foreseeable, the Unforeseeable, & the Taylor Walls Ejection: No doubt, Walls is already furious on the first day of pride month, stuck playing for a team which, horrifyingly,...
Nemesis
Box Score Banter: Nemesis: A nemesis, defined in one way as the inescapable agent of someone’s downfall, is one of the most common archetypes in sports.
Incompetence and misfortune
Box Score Banter: Keep Riding: It’s a mixture of incompetence and misfortune and torpor, a malaise that hollows out a creature’s identity and takes the body as its own. You go on a six-game winning...
Aaron Rodgers, Stay Away
I Am Asking Aaron Rodgers, Once And For All, To Leave My Team The Fuck Alone: You don’t build yourself a fancy new house and then paint it in diarrhea.
Charming trade scenario
Quentin Grimes Is The Tragicomic Protagonist Of The Terminal NBA Season: ... I am charmed by a trade that could turn out to have hurt both teams while helping a player's career in the process.
Foe of the provably true
Aaron Rodgers's Jets Tenure Ended In True Jets Fashion: His mistake (well, his most enduring, anyway) was in thinking that because he was him, he could raise the Titanic with a spoon. He didn't make...
Ujiri
Masai Ujiri Continues His Baffling Wing Collection: Ujiri seemed to enjoy team-building under an Oulipo constraint.
Why the Jaguars suck
This is a compilation of the best Jaguars comments from Drew Magary and others on Deadspin and Defector. Why Your Team Sucks 2013: Jacksonville Jaguars: Interest in the Jaguars is wholly subsidized...
Jimmy Butler's nonsense
Jimmy Butler is a Toxic Ex: Butler is not a people pleaser. He’s not for everybody. On the one hand, he strikes me as a no-nonsense guy. On the other hand, he tends to bring about a good deal of...
3rd and 48
The Raiders were so trash that they once ended up with a 3rd and 48 against the Chiefs In true Raiders fashion, they were driving toward the wrong end zone.
Why The Chiefs Suck
This is a compilation of the best Chiefs comments from Drew Magary and others on Deadspin and Defector. Why Your Team Sucks: Kansas City Chefs: When I think of pointless American cities, my first...
Santa John Daly
From Sports Memery: According to legend, if you leave 6 boneless wings and a couple of loose cigarettes on your kitchen table on Christmas night, a visibly sweaty John Daly will forcefully enter your...
Old school tough guy
Sheed and Stack in the Big Apple: Stackhouse is poker-faced, but approachable — and yet he’s always been considered an old-school tough guy who shouldn’t be crossed under any circumstances.
Dedication to failure
Has the AL Central suddenly become competent? Or are all 4 teams other than Chicago being in the playoff hunt a function of the White Sox having a tireless dedication to failure?
Dan Campbell's Advice to Kevin O'Connell
From the geniuses at Sports Memery: After a heated NFC North battle, Kevin O'Connell and Dan Campbell met at midfield for the customary post-game handshake. O'Connell, smiling, extended his hand,...
Worst thing involving jets and NYC
Wade Davis' service to the game
After the Royals' series win today, it feels like other teams will try to copy the Royals' pitching approach. The table is set for a repeat of the Rockies’ $50 million bullpen from 2016-19. Wade...
Maikel Garcia
Joe Sheehan dropping hot fire: Garcia had a .281 OBP this year and bats ninth because there is no tenth.
Royals' playoff sweep graphics
The Royals' social media team is elite
Putting it delicately
Kenny Williams implied how deeply he dislikes Tony LaRussa in the best way. An owner who ‘thinks he knows everything’ led the White Sox to historic disaster: Asked about La Russa’s nearly two seasons...
Andy Dalton, Chameleon
From Sports Memery: We’ve long established that Andy Dalton is the best quarterback currently playing in the NFL. His command of the field, sharp instincts, and ability to rally any team he leads...
Gambling crazed CJ Abrams
Nationals End Season By Demoting Leadoff Hitter Who Was In A Casino Until 8:00 A.M.: Poverty, they say, affords moral clarity. Nasim Nuñez, with all due respect, is not taking the Nationals anywhere...
Being properly appreciated
Jaguars Junction: Week 15: I chose not to attend the game after all, for the same reason that a professional “storm chaser” might not volunteer to plow headlong into a deadly twister: Because...
Kirk Cousins
First off, don't be out here disrespecting Kirko Chainz: --- Second, I no longer believe Justin Jefferson became the best receiver in the league because of a desire to be excellent. It was actually...
Fraudulent power
I'm going to get a Richard Hidalgo jersey to celebrate the early 2000s Astros. Like Enron, his power was also fraudulent.
Justice in this world
I love Hamilton Nolan's writing. Jaguars Junction: Week 17: As mankind evolves past a belief in an omnipotent god, we must inevitably face the question: Whence does justice arise? For if there is no...
Thanking the Raiders fans
When I went to a game in LV last year, I thanked all the Raiders' fans for Josh McDaniels' service in destroying 2 of the 4 organizations in the AFC West. Made the Chiefs' job a lot easier.
Handsy turnover addict
End This Farce: I also know that the Browns allowed late-season 2023 starter Joe Flacco to leave the team in free agency, and then replaced him with handsy turnover addict Jameis Winston.
The fake cricket league
This story is wild. Just goes to show that you need to do your research before putting your wagers down. The Fake Indian Cricket League Created for Real Online Betting: The tournament was also listed...
NBA nicknames
They're wrong for that Drew Gooden nickname! Is hunting for big NBA free agents obsolete? Plus, remembering the wildest Mavericks trades: You can see Lamar Mundane there for Ellis, along with Silent...
Minshew's cologne
Turkish shooter
This is an untrue, but hilarious story about Yusuf Dikec, the shooting gold medalist from Turkey: "... he was an ex-mechanic who became a world-renowned shooter after a bitter divorce. The picture...
Florida teams
Florida's MLB teams are a vehicle to steal money from a mentally addled populace.
Bryan Hoeing
There's now a player on the Padres named Bryan Hoeing. Please let his number be 69. If it is, I'm buying my first authentic MLB jersey.
MILF Hunter
How little do your teammates respect you that one of them gladly signs a jersey clowning you? <blockquote class="tiktok-embed" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@kingkareem/video/7127337290732555563"...
Apple time
Royals celebration graphics
Pakistan cricket coach in danger
There is a very concerning storyline I'm tracking about the Pakistan cricket coach after the World Cup loss to the USA:
Delonte West conspiracy theory
My fav weird NBA conspiracy theory is that Lebron left Cleveland the first time because a teammate of his named Delonte West was having an affair with his mom and then actively destroyed Delonte's...
A's to Sacramento
The A's to Sacramento is a done deal. An MLB team will play in front of a 10000 person capacity crowd for the 2025-27 seasons. They get to share the stadium with the Giants AAA team. I'd see about...
Shota Imanaga
On Shota Imanaga's early season success: He's out here, throwing that gyro ball, confounding the gaijin with his mysterious Eastern ways.
Rockies Jumbotron
Alarming aura of haughtiness
Mike Tanier with a banger An NFL Network report, later quoted by the New York Post, claimed that Judge and his Patriots pals “exuded an alarming aura of haughtiness” when addressing other coaches..."
Chiefs criminal
The Chiefs were all amped for the AFC Championship: Travis Kelce on wearing all black to the AFC Championship Game: 'Chris Jones made sure to tell everybody, Make sure you're wearing all black this...
Fanatics fail
This is the only way that a Mahomes Broncos jersey will ever exist:
Oakley
The first line from Charles Oakley's autobiography is "I didn't punch Charles Barkley, but I did slap the shit out of him." On brand.
Synod of nephews
What Do The Kansas City Royals Know About Shoulders?: An organization like the Rockies, which makes its sports decisions by incorporating the advice of a Synod Of Nephews and the writing on various...
Studying the wrong signals
Broncos got beat by a guy who studied his mom’s friends’ signals more than the playbook.
Jaylen Brown Renaissance
This photo looks like Jaylen Brown is in a Michelangelo painting.
Fantasy football
Urban Meyer bullying
Urban Meyer has been trash since the beginning of his career: It’s ironic that Meyer was fired from perhaps his last coaching job for bullying a player (Lambo ) when, in fact, one of his first...
Jeff King hated sports
Jeff King Hated Baseball: In honor of Opening Day, this is one of the wilder stories I've read about.a player. And it happened with my Kansas City Royals: On May 21, 1999 Jeff King suddenly and...
Jim Harbaugh is all business
I love this story about how Jim Harbaugh dealt with young women who were flirting with him: “He said to the first girl, “keep your hands up, thumbs down,” and he showed her the proper motion with his...
The best job in the world
Arthur Rhodes was left handed, and was mainly below average during his career. He played in Major League Baseball for 20 years, making a total of $37.9 million in the process. In 2011, Arthur Rhodes...
Jon Bois' 2014 NFL Draft writeups
I love Jon Bois' writing:
Eddie Murray card
Back in 1993, I got this card in a pack. It was worth $75 when I got it. I thought for sure this card would be my retirement fund. I should have sold the card the moment I got it. As the years went...
Weird Celtics Twitter
I love Weird Celtics Twitter! A few fun articles about it: Where did Robert Williams’s nickname come from?: The short answer is that Time Lord is an ironic reference to a few slip-ups Williams made...
The Gay Community
Every season I played fantasy sports, I had to have Rudy Gay on my team so I could name it The Gay Community. Why Rudy Gay never created Gay Communities wherever he played is still a mystery to me.
NBA Tough Guys
NBA tough guys have a storied and colorful history. Here's a general list of a few of the league's most fearsome players. But for my money, the following players are the most interesting: Jerry...
Awesome slides
Swag is on a million for both of these slides! <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Baez did it better. <a href="https://t.co/Zhe3CWXnCK">pic.twitter.com/Zhe3CWXnCK</a></p>—...
Pine Tar Game
From Filip Bondy's book about the Pine Tar Game: And then Martin made a move that led to one of my favorite sports moments: At the start of the game, Martin had reliever George Frazier appeal the...
San Jose Sharks celebrate Juneteenth
Someone actually thought this was a great idea.
Len Dawson
The best NBA nickname
I think this is the best sports nickname ever:
Black dreams
Jalen Rose, about Jimmy Butler's boombox shaped fish tank: This is one of those black dreams gone wrong"
A history of Harold Ballard's villainy
The more I read through this article about Harold Ballard, the more I'm struck by how the rich can do whatever they want. A History of Harold Ballard's Villainy: In The Game, Ken Dryden wrote that...
NCAA Picks Experiment
This is an experiment to see which prediction source accumulates the most points using a standard scoring system. There are three groups of test subjects: Predictions generated by automated...
Mr. Big Chest
Fitzpatrick's second career
Brynn Cameron's new contract
Overcommunicating
Joe Sheehan had this comment about the number of mound visits in Game 7 of the Astros-Dodgers World Series: Had I been as committed to good communication under adverse circumstances as Brian McCann...
Football players buy XBOX for kid wearing a Kaepernick jersey
I love stories like this about simple kindness: Jaden said Marshall and Kelley had complimented him on his Colin Kaepernick 49ers jersey when he walked into the video game store to inquire about the...
The pettiest t-shirt
This shirt is so petty towards the Angels:
Paul Pierce
When I was in my freshman year at KU, I was playing sports at the Robinson Center one afternoon. We had the run of the court because of my teammates' scoring prowess and my extremely dirty play and...
Bill Belichick conspiracy theory
I love this Reddit conspiracy theory about Belichick: The Bill Belchick Theory, someone else posted this before in r/nfl. Target: New York Jets Bill Belichick does not like the New York Jets. This...
Work hard for it
Von Miller explains commitment to Texas A&M over LSU by comparing them to girls: A&M really wanted me," Miller said. "You know that girlfriend that's really not that attractive but she's going to do...
Bautista punch
Odor should get five to eight games for throwing a punch. Anything more is penalizing him for effectiveness. - Joe Sheehan
Get to a dark place
Panthers CB Josh Norman: 'Went Dark Knight' after Dez Bryant disrespect [Josh] Norman said he was so fired up during the week with talk about [Dez] Bryant possibly having a big day against him and...
Andy Reid
Royals 2015 playoff logos
KC Vs. St. Louis
World Series prediction
From Joe Sheehan's sports newsletter: The Mets seem to have real edges on both sides of the ball, ones that should be enough to make them the pick. However, they're not managed by a witch. Royals in...
The win-now fear-nothing Royals are finally here
I love this quote from Grant Brisbee's article about the Royals: They took the momentum into the 2015 season, and they're a fully functional death machine right now.
Raiders couple
These O's Ain't Royal
Sports related pettiness is my favorite. Here's Jeremy Guthrie taking a shot at his old team:
Royals headline of the day
From The Onion: Royals Defeat A’s, Ned Yost In Epic Play-In Game
This is obviously just a business
Too Close for Comfort: He threatened he would start wearing a suit to games, because "this is obviously just a business." Steve Francis and Cuttino Mobley were so close, and he was so devastated when...
Fred Davis in court
Fred Davis, Attorney at Law: The Courtroom Transcripts: Chaka cross-examination of Davis on April 10, 2012 Chaka: Let’s look at these photos right here. Because I went to college. I go back to my...
Chris Paul
Interesting wardrobe
Physical, emotional meltdown haunts Hunter Strickland, costs Giants: Machi, whose locker was to the left of Strickland’s, wanted no part of it at all. A clubhouse attendant cut through the throng to...
The shame of college sports
The Shame of College Sports: This article is what opened my eyes to the predatory practices of the NCAA.
Baron Davis alley oop reaction
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/70iMbkUfeO8" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media;...
The college guy vs high schoolers
I don't know where I found this, but it checks out: I've figured out the moral of the LeBron story: Stay in school. Wade: 3 years at Marquette; Bosh: 1 year at Georgia Tech; the kid from Akron: no...
Rasheed Wallace On Darko Milicic
Darko is a Serbian gangster! "I'm telling you, Darko is a Serbian gangster," Rasheed Wallace said. "Darko's got some bodies back there (in Serbia-Montenegro). He can go psycho on guys."